Hi. I'm gonna withhold my real name, picture, and other stuff from this site so don't hold it against me. I'm kinda new at the whole AS/ASD thing. I'm 25 and here recently I've been told by many people that I might or do have Asperger's. After considerable time researching the topic I'm believing it more and more myself. I've always just dismissed it as being weird or introverted. I'm a firefighter/paramedic by occupation which is where I first got the notion that I might be an Aspie. I have a hard time being around the guys at the station even though I know them as part of my family now (which isn't saying much because I already have a hard time with my own family haha). Socializing is awkward for me. I tend to say things that make sense in my head but no one else's and can relate multiple seemingly different topics. I'm incredibly fidgety, but then again it's comforting since I get incredibly anxious when I'm being still. Others tell me I'm too high-strung or up tight. I've never really understood what they meant by that. I don't feel that way, though I can definitely feel the stress on my shoulders every second of the 24 hour shift. I became very good at hiding it though. I'm told I don't smile enough. Never understood why they thought that. I do smile plenty. I just need a reason to or something like that. The part that really bugs me is that I can never seem to tell if someone is just "f***ing with me" as they say, or really being serious. Every time that happens I have no clue what to do or say so I just kinda sit there. Don't get me wrong, I have the best job in the world. I really hate that alarm. I feel my heart skip a beat when it goes off, but as soon as I hop on the back-end of that truck or in the ambulance I'm in the zone! AS comes in handy when someone's life is in your hands. It makes it easier to stay focused on the task instead of letting emotion drive you. As far as my personal life, there isn't much to say. I do have the most caring, loving, understanding, sweetest, girlfriend in the entire world. She noticed AS tendencies in me long ago and she handles it very well. I thank God for her every night. Love that woman to death. I wish, though, that I wasn't so frustrating at times. I don't read body language well at all, although anger I do seem to read pretty well. I haven't spoken a word of this to my immediate family. They're very narrow minded and look at most all mental/mood disorders as a cop-out. The people I have talk to about it have told me that it explains a lot. It surprised me that most of them didn't know exactly what it was. Honestly, I'm still accepting it myself.
07 Jan 2013, 10:26 am
