I am close to 60 and always knew I was different. I just never had a label for it and I really never wanted to be "labeled" (I like to wallow in my uniqueness). I am starting to believe a lot of my personality issues are due to being an Aspie. I never heard of the term Aspie until a few years ago. I looked at the classification and I did not fit all the parameters so dismissed it. Over the years I thought I might of had a mild case of Autism but again I fit even fewer parameters.
Early in grade school my teachers thought there was something wrong with me so I was put through some testing (My favorite "joke" is Sheldon's saying I'm not nuts , my Mom had me tested). The results of my testing back in the early 60's was an extraordinarily high IQ so I got labeled as being "Too damn smart" and my teachers and mom thought my problems were due to me being bored.
I have some of the classic traits (Very clumsy when young, still uncomfortable looking anyone in the eye, uncomfortable in large groups, very poor spelling, a tendency to run on about things more than is necessary). Over the years I developed quite a few coping mechanisms and do quite well (appear to be normal) even under significant stress. I deal with things. I am still uncomfortable with many things under the surface but still remain centered and calm in almost all situations. ("I was stone and he was Wax, He could scream and still relax", Bowie)
I have taken several of the tests and the results range from almost normal to mild Autistic/Aspie tendencies. But, I don't trust the tests (my answers to the tests). I've always been good at test and know what answer normal people want. (who cares about the right or truthful answer, it is best to appear normal). I do not trust myself to answer the questions truthfully (after all these years of coping I don't even know anymore. I have to go back to my childhood to get a glimmer of who I might of been)
I am visual centric person so all my thoughts are visual thoughts that I have to translate into English (classic Aspie). I excel at Engineering & programming and have developed many machines/systems that have made a lot of people a lot of money. I flash on concepts and can turn a rough idea into a fully fleshed system without cracking a sweat. (from a few words I can visualize the end result. Both the physical thing and the abstract sub-systems that make up the thing.)
I've been married for over 25 years (I love her and she puts up with me). She gets angry with me periodically for not giving her the emotional support she needs (she only voices it periodically, I am sure it bothers her a lot more). It has been getting worse since she is no longer working (limited external support systems) and is feeling more & more isolated. (this is why I have been digging deeper into it/me lately). She knows I am different and just wants me to fix it. (I have not told here I think I am an Aspie yet and am not 100% sure I am one yet)
03 Dec 2014, 2:02 pm
