[>¬_¬] > ®

Post Reply New Topic

Need someplace where I can vent my frustrations before I end up doing some self-destructive behaviors.

I have given up my right for having a social life for the ability to understand humans, and I hate them. Well hate is a strong word, I merely dislike them & do not enjoy being around them & their semi-psychopathic nature.

I am a high functioning autistic person pursuing a doctorate in psychology. I was severely abused as a child by my parents. I can't take off my pants or shirt without anyone asking me why I have so many scars. At age 7 I used a form of self-induced hypnosis conjured through sheer will, imagination, and pain for the ability to understand humans. I also had to sacrifice my ability to love or ever have any social life. In Carl Jung terminology I merely merged with the shadow of my ego. I needed to or it was suicide at age 7.

Beside the abuse at home I was also being bullied in school for being f*****g smart and sweet hearted. I experienced and have honed my skills of synchronicity from a young age in order to survive. I wanted to study mathematics but unfortunately the world forced my hand. Now that I understand everyone's pain and can deduce why people behave the way they do it is impossible for me to come back. People might say I hate my mother, the bullies, & project that hate onto my social life. I understand them now. Makes it quite difficult to hate them, or even love them. I can see both sides of the coin.

Fast forward to present day, I currently spend my time assisting our kind get further in life at a university in California. I have my own 2 bedroom apartment. One room is empty because it serves as a reminder of my resolve. I wander sometimes through the city and have dinner with homeless people with mental illness. I can easily spot a desperate soul. Makes me smile how I find people and can decipher delusions. Their madness fascinates me because I don't see it that way. I understand them & it makes me laugh at my savant skill to understand humans. I right down everything. My dissertation is going to be easy.

Now... Because I was left for dead by this world what I do have trouble with is providing help to humans. I enjoy being able to whisper "No" to injustice. I might be a psychopath, but I'm a good psychopath. I have my autism to thank for that.

Hey WhiteGalacticWiz welcome.

Thank you for saying hello. I like your quote. It gave me a flashback of this quote & made me smile.

"I am a leaf on the wind, watch how I soar" - Hash burn (firefly)

Hello and welcome to Wrong Planet!

I myself was bullied in school, mostly verbal and emotional, but it did get physical from time to time. There are plenty here that are willing to listen and give a helping hand.

Welcome! You'll find support and understanding here. We have many types here and we're all trying to understand why there's so much injustice and cr*p in the world. Animals are far more genuine than humans for the most part.

I'm glad to say that most of the bullies apologized for their behaviour to me when I finally attended a school reunion 30 years after leaving school. Had never gone anywhere near the place. Their maturity brought with it better knowledge and ability to reflect. Not everyone reaches this level. I can count myself fortunate that I had family support and that things weren't worse than they were.

Wishing you a long, enjoyable and meaningful stay here.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Thanks for the support.

I think it's wonderful that you're pursuing a doctorate in psychology. The world needs folk like you, who sincerely care and can help others who have been through childhood hell!

I changed my mind. I can't deal with NTs. They stress me out enormously. It isn't healthy for me. I got suspended at my job in the psych field and now that I am back at work after three weeks without pay they expect me to cooperate and do all the work. I am just going to become a software tester.

It suits my solitude lifestyle & is more flexible.

Good for you! Good luck with your new venture, it will allow you much more solitude and independence.

You need to take your physical and emotional health into consideration.

I am still going to help aspies. Just in my own unique way where NTs can't hurt me or expect me to read their minds. I will use my background in psychology to develop software to help Aspies. I always wanted to create a personal realtime NT interpreter for Aspies.

I got the idea from reading Ender's Chronicles book series. There was a strong AI called Jane that did just that.

Fantastic! Keep us updated!

You're cool. Not sure I understand the ASCII thread title entirely but feel free to PM me about technology. I won't bore you with the details but you're one of a few techies I know who think in such a manner. The few humans I ever really get along with are nearly as subdivided as us. With this much thinking going on, others meet different faces of the same [us], sometimes within the same day.

Just a PSA: the tech industry is as far as one can get from a Jungian playground. I wouldn't say I sacrificed as much as you might estimate, just that conjuring studious willpower from the void is a delicate balance worth maintaining. Technology builds a monastic element into this school of thought; I eat, sleep and breathe math & theory, this cultivates out of necessity a LOT of patience and resolve, sometimes more than others as I'm stuck for now waiting for people to realize what's actually going on in my head.

There's more science out there than anyone can cover in a day. I'm going to sleep...

Yay!Another "Child of the Matrix". Your post makes me smile because I know you understand. I knew I wasn't alone. Yay!

I apologize for the ASCII. My real name is Roger R Rosas. The ASCII is a little internet block person whom is introducing me by my short-hand name "R". The ">" are his hands. The "[ ]" is his body. The "¬_¬" is his face with a passive eye gesture. Together they portray a child of the matrix introducing an autistic person to a new community who goes by the name "R" when he is away from the keyboard. My username had to be longer than one character so I went with "WhiteGalacticWiz" because it sounded cool and it reminded me of Gandalf, which is how I sometimes feel when I am away from keyboard.

Balance has been hard for me but I will eventually get to where I need to be. I will add you as a friend.

Hello! I can't entirely welcome you since I've only just joined myself recently. However, I wanted to say I deeply respect your ability to analyze others. From a young age I've been able to distinguish emotions people often hide by the depth of their eyes (best way I can explain this, unfortunately!) and let's just say there's a lot of conflict between what's shown outwardly versus what's within. This tends to complicate things, since I can't read the outward signals very well at all!

Disappointment is quite the abyss, staring into a cat's cradle of contradictions criss-crossing, ever-shifting & overlapping where the truth remains somewhere in-between. Like an event horizon drawing on my being. This was the first I detected and ultimately drove me into solitude -- this is why you have my deepest respects.

Although now that I am older I find myself strangely attracted to how eyes look. Though I still avert my eyes most of the time, because most people are simply repugnant on the inside. Especially dangerous people, It's like they can tell instantly. The eeriest part is, there's usually no depth to those types of eyes!

Welcome to WP, introverticalibrated! Have a happy time here! We have some of the most interesting folk you'll ever find anywhere!

Speaking of dangerous people, have you ever seen some of the photos of notorious criminals including those black & white pics of female murderers from bygone days? Some look genuinely scary, yet they managed to attract multiple lovers and husbands in some cases!