hey, i think i'm aspie but ...

Post Reply New Topic

hello guys
my name is--you can just call me carrot because i love carrot-
i just want to share my story
i was self diagnosed asperger about three years ago, when i read wiki about my favourite musician, adam young, that he had asperger syndrome
then i found out that those symptoms are... describe my self , such as about how to react and read people expression in a conversation ( i always confused but i think i was just too shy and everything is okay), why i feel like understand everything but why so hard to explain, why i can't talk properly just like the others, why i couldn't find interest in social things, and all those confusions that itching my brain.
then i start to understand my self that i was just an idiot, but it was just make things worse, i was so depressed back then.
then i decided to pretend that i am normal, a neurotypical who understand what is asperger syndrome.
i copy what people did in order to be social, such as greeting with smile, compliment good people (i called this 'copy to cope with'), but still awkward hahaha, but at least i tried, i feel my anxiety level decreased, i feel more confident, but still confused, i still can not cope with crowded situation (think i just have demophobia), and awkward when speak.
i don't have many friends, both in real life and cyber life (i am an anime/movie/books/manga/vocaloid fans) yet i don't talk much to friends that i have, i talk to them mostly about film/books/ideas/news, not interested in their personal life, not at all.
until now, i am still thinking that i am normal, being different is normal, everyone is different.
i always told my self that everything is okay, if thing goes wrong, fix it, make it okay, don't panic, everything is okay.
i feel happy when i found some internet friends who have same thoughts with me , i am so happy that i don't care who they are in real life, i don't care, but sometimes i feel the need to know them, but my brain says that's not important, i already know them,at least they can be a boy or a girl or someone etc, everyone is different, i knew that, and that's not a thing you should be worried.
and every time i have new friends, i always tell my self not to expect much from them, they come and go, like.. they only come to me when they need something from me, not really care about me, and that's okay for me, as long as they are okay, i am okay.


until someone told me that i sound like asperger when i tell him/her a story/ideas/stuffs/things.

those words stabbed me like... how did you even recognize me, how did you...
it reminds me of my depressed past and the confusions.
and now i forget how to be normal.
don't worry, it just about time for me to recover, i just need to calm my self, then said everything to that friend, and everything will be okay.

umm that's all
sorry for my bad writing style, english is not my first language
thank you for reading


sincerely
--carrot

Hey carrot welcome.

hi, carrot. welcome. your english is pretty good.

thank you RoadRatt
thank you cathylynn

oh i think i forgot something, i can't edit the post (or i just don't know how)
so i will just add here..
when i said "don't worry" i mean "help me, i need an advise" ahaha sorry, i hope someone understand... ah forget that

I have apeirophobia

You might want to post your questions in our General Autism Discussion forum, here:
viewforum.php?f=3

You'll get more replies there.

I wish I could write so well in another language. Sorry to hear of your troubles. Try not to be so hard on yourself. You may find reading some of the threads helps. There's lots of great advice. I think it's great you were trying to make things easier and it worked a little. Keep trying different things and be kind to yourself for working so hard. Good luck x

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Just to say Hi and Welcome,

I love carrots, too. Your English is great, I wish I could express myself in a different language like you do.