New, undiagnosed, and unsure

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Hiya folks. It's pretty wonderful finding a group of people who understand what's going on in my head, and nice to finally know I'm not the only one who makes "sound effect noises" all the time and why we do that.

Recently, I stumbled across Sarah Craft's checklist of female Asperger's traits, and it fits me to a T. I'd wondered if I had Asperger's as a teenager, but I dismissed it because, I thought, I wasn't far enough on the spectrum to actually be on the spectrum. I just had a quirky personality and a tendency to try and diagnose myself, and all the not fitting in and being overwhelmed by life was just introversion.
Now I'm fairly positive I have Asperger's, but I've been unable to focus for the past week and constantly second-guessing myself. It's causing anxiety, which I can only tell because I've been withdrawn and stimming everywhere, but then I wonder if I've just convinced myself I'm autistic and that I'm faking it. Which just makes me stim more. It's a little annoying. I want to ask my family and talk to a mental health professional, but I keep waffling. I feel like my family is going to think I'm just being hypochondriac--it doesn't help that neither of my parents are exactly neurotypical, so this is just what they think is normal. None of us has ever seen a psychologist. I've been wanting to for years, but never thought to discuss it with my parents, and since we live in a smaller city, I'm now uncertain because of all the horror stories I've heard of people being dismissed by ignorant professionals. I figure I'll feel better if I just get an appointment with someone, and I've found some names. I guess I just needed to get that off my chest to someone first. It has been over a week that I've been obsessing over this, which is long for my brain to have changed a bit so I know I'm at least not imagining things.

That is the trouble though. I'm going, okay, so maybe I am on the autism spectrum, I need to go back to real life now and focus on doing productive adult things like buying a car before mine dies. (Aspie nightmare, much?) But I haven't been able to focus, especially since I'm doing NaNoWriMo this month. It might be showing that I need someone to talk to about this...

I come home with a stack of books.
"Where did you go?" asks Mom.
"The library." I indicate the stack of books.
"What did you get?"
"A bunch of books on autism and a mystery novel."
"Why autism?"
"... Research."
"Why are you researching autism?"
"Interest. Um, I'm just curious. It's interesting."
"Okay." Mom goes back to reading.

And I have no idea if she even noticed my evasiveness, or remembered the conversation. My Mom has emotions, but heck if I know what they are.

Welcome to the site!

I'm doing NaNo too... its a big struggle for me but I really want to get a book published one day.

It's a hard transition, from the belief that everyone else is pretty much like me to one where they really live in a different world. Harder still, because they mostly prove incapable of appreciating what they have and of making allowances for us who don't. We have an invisible disability. We deserve accomodation from the rest of the planet but we aren't going to get it.
Still, knowing the gap is there is worth the transition. Making a bit of noise about the exclusion and discrimination won't help us very much but will help soften the barriers for our children and grandchildren

Hey invisiblesister welcome.

Welcome! Hope your family comes to understand.

Welcome.

my big realisation was that I wasnt as normal as I always thought i was was. I am fairly new here and the transition has been interesting and hard. These are the only autistic people I know and they have been amazingly supportive.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Thank you all for the welcome.

Well, good luck! I'm behind myself, but I've still written far more than normal, and that feels good. I hope you're having fun with it.


Yeah, it's fantastic to be able to put a name to that invisible wall between me and normal. It's tough to realize this applies to me, but I'm starting to feel optimistic, especially after watching a lot of people (young and old) speaking up on YouTube and telling their stories. I don't know where the world is going, but I can have a lot of hope for individuals.


Thank you! I'm sure they will, after I talk to them and have some evidence at hand. It might rock the weird neuroatypical boat we all live in, but I think in the end they'd be happy to learn more about me and about themselves.


The hardest thing for me is I'm not sure what is normal anymore. I don't know when I'm doing something weird, and sure, I didn't before either, but now I'm questioning all the time. I'd love to meet some autistic people in person to talk about this, but finding a huge forum like this is the next best thing. Thank you for passing on some of that support!

Welcome to the forums invisiblesister, enjoy your stay!