hi

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Hi people. You can call me Rej. I'm an undiagnosed Apergian adult (with an ADD diagnosis). I've registered with Wrong Planet in search of something, anything, that might help me feel less isolated. I've become so low-key and insular over the last few years that I've lost all confidence in navigating social situations.

My younger, neurotypical (maybe not, but she's not autistic) wife has basically been my conduit to the outside world during this time, outside of superficial work and online multiplayer game interactions. But I can't count on her to be my social life anymore. She's 'branching out' more these days, establishing relationships with 'fun', 'hip' and 'normal' people closer to her own age. Meanwhile, I'm feeling paralized, lonely and a sporadically depressed.

I'll stop here before I end up with an essay. Nobody wants to read longwinded stuff. I know, I generally don't.

Heya. Fellow new person here. Hope things go well.

It's easy to fall into a rutt socially. Just remember that any amount of extra time you can spend outdoors, however small, will be an improvement. I've been trying to slowly work my way up to having small talk, then perhaps more friendships, ect. Dunno if I'll succeed.

I like that suggestion, spend more time outdoors. It's concrete and it will be hard to fail. Too often the solutions are abstract and overly detailed. My problem is partly that I don't try when I could. I don't think to try to be more social during the times I could be.... not until several hours later in the day when I'm freshly inebriated and reflecting on my day. I want to seek friends but not when I'm around potential friends. To them I probably look like I just want to get the f*k out of there... and they'd be right at the time. "Work-mode" is hard for me to shake when I'm at the office or running a chore. When I'm in "human-mode", I actually like people... or at least want to like them. Have you ever been through a period where you were doing okay socially (or at least you thought you were)?

In terms of having a lot of social capital and knowing lots of people? No, not ever. If you're asking if I've ever been happy with that situation, then yes. I definitely prefer knowing, say, two or three people then spending time on keeping many. That being said, I've never dated and I'm concerned about my ability to network and find jobs (especially since my economy isn't doing super great at the moment), which is why I want to improve if I can.



Oh I wouldn't blame you. Improving your social skills has some very diffuse benefits that are difficult to see and measure, and it's difficult to tell if you succeed or fail. I always feel like I could be finding more productive uses of my time, so there's definitely such a thing as trying too hard on being sociable.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!