Okay, so when I say just starting out I really mean just starting out as in I have never even been on a forum of any kind or used a computer for anything but videos, movies, and games. So where to even begin.... I had it pretty hard growing up dad had Aspergers and had zero ability to cope or show care of any kind plus he left when I was like a year old and mom was always working. At first I was diagnosed with a slew of crap ADHD, ADD, OCD, Bipolar, you see where Im going with this... and with that came the medication to this day I strongly feel they added to my issues instead of helping I mean really who gives a 5 year old Aderall? I was not Diagnosed with Aspergers until i was 14 and even then I still believe I never got the help I needed. I was placed in special education from early on which effectively halted any learning due to how poorly the system was every class was a paper to write answers on and a book to read from every day for 8 years I could not take it anymore so I dropped out. My biggest issue has always been my severe almost crippling social anxiety. Even typing this my hands are shaking like its 32 degrees. I never had many friends due to me being so distant and isolated and I had only a single relationship. After I dropped out my social anxiety continued to fester to the point where I could barely even interact online in an anonymous environment. It has even caused physical health issues such as my high blood pressure. Recently my dog of 14 years passed away and then shortly after that my mom-mom as well. These were really the only true confidants in my life, not to say I have no friends, I do but people who understand my difference and who I can talk to are simply non-existent. Most of my family treats it as a joke even going as far as to jest at my expense due to my difficulty understanding social cues. I often get offended not knowing if someone is serious or joking. I find myself here today because I have simply had enough and I have decided that I have to make steps to improve my life, and while I may be content sitting in my room playing fallout living on SSI for the rest of my life, I owe it to myself to and to my mom-mom to break free from this rut I've dug myself into and I figure the best place to start is among those who have suffered the same way I have. So that's my story I'm just taking the first step to getting passed something that has hounded me my entire life.
20 Apr 2018, 7:39 am
