Greetings!

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I found this forum through a Google search. It's nice knowing there are still active forums in 2025, it's more comforting to me.

Truth be told, I joined this forum because I am a desperate man right now. I am 40 years old who is on the spectrum. While it is currently undiagnosed, I have begun going to therapy. The big thing, for me at least, is that I am still a rookie, let's say, when it comes to love and romance. I have made it to first base and even second base a couple times in the past. But, for a guy like me, the feelings get overwheming and I end up in the same position. Either sitting here alone, laying in bed or going for the occasional walk in public while continuing to go unnoticed by any and all women.
I'll continue this discussion in the appropriate forum.

Yes, admitting this fact is scary af but I am not ashamed of what I am. I'm here because I know I am not alone and am seeking support and advice from people that have been in my position. Who can relate with me?

Prefer forums, indeed many died. Some moved to facebook but that became awful and was never suitable for some things (too 'in the moment'? temporally and no time to think or reflect).

50+ (well... 50 and some weeks, 50+ sounds worse) virgin... Nothing to be ashamed of but clearly not the person for advise either. I've had issues with it but not really a hunter. Don't live alone (2 poodles and 1 sister) but sometimes I feel I missed out on something. In my case probably more "society's expectations".

Isn't ending up in any position sort of the goal? (uh... ok... stopping...)

Welcome to WP! I hope you like it here.

As far as finding romance...I was terrible with gals. When I turned 40 I resigned myself to never getting anywhere with gals and gave up trying. I still went to social events for organizations I was in but I just went to have something to do and have a few acquaintances, I was no longer hoping for romance.

When I was 42 I was at a party (a Mensa party) and met a nice gal. About the right age and pleasant to talk to. We both were in the military at the same rank and in related technical specialties. We both had comparable college degrees. We both enjoyed Science Fiction...and it turns out our tastes in music, while quite different, did overlap. However we lived nontrivial distances from the city, in opposite directions, and her normal schedule would make it difficult to both go to many of the same Mensa events.

I enjoyed chatting with her at that party and never expected to see her again.

Four months later she telephoned me (in discussing my Mensa activities I'd given her enough information to get my phone number) to ask a favor. She knew someone who was looking for a job and remembered from our previous conversation what company I worked for and thought I could help her friend submit a resume. I agreed, of course. Note, there was no reason for us to meet in person for this.

But while we were chatting I learned she was doing a "local" move and needed boxes. And I happened to have a collection of boxes to help coworkers make local moves! Sharing the boxes required meeting in-person and we planned that...in the parking lot where she worked, which was about midway between our homes.

Then, and only then, did I get adventurous enough to ask if I could take her to supper when I met her to share the boxes.

A few parting observations:
- She was happy to have supper with me. Um. It turns out she was annoyed when I didn't ask for her phone number when we met at that party.
- Meeting her in her (very large) work parking lot was "interesting". I'm an Aspie; I have face-blindness. I got there very early and stood around my car hoping someone would stop and it would be her. Fortunately, it was. (Or, at least she tells me she's the same person!)
- We married in 2000 and are still happily married. (We were both in Mensa and got to the same ranks in the military; I'm an introverted Aspie and she is a not-intoverted ADHD who is in enough different activities to keep her life full with me in the fringes.)

My recommendations are:
- Join organizations with activities that interest you.
- Participate and do not become predator looking for romance.
- Be nice to people, including the pretty-opposite-sex ones
- And see if you meet many that are worth a few dates
- If you get a few dates with someone you like explain your "difference"—try hard to make the difference unimportant but don't surprise them with the difference—because it is important
Note: Those are my own personal recommendations based upon my very limited experience doing things I was not good at. I would not attach much weight to my recommendations!

☝️ I do appreciate you sharing your story with me. It made me feel happy for you. Congratulations on finding your true love.
I have considered social activities and support groups. I just don't know where to start here. As you hinted at, I also fear being the one lurking there or looking disinterested. I also freeze in fear at the thought of approaching somebody let alone talking. That's why I am where I am. I've disconnected myself from all the friends I've ever made because of this.
I am willing to try things but mental block seriously holds me back. Almost crippling. This is the one thing I need to overcome. Having no self esteem doesn't help either.

But, I'm still hoping I'll have my storybook ending too

Then perhaps a volunteer activity not solely for socializing?

Helping at a park or a museum? Etc.

Organizations for shared interests?

If eligible, Mensa.

I would consider some kind of social activity if I can find out what options exist. I live in a city so there should be options. I do like to have fun occasionally do it depends on what's out there. Everything i do comes with the same fear. Even if I was at work, id still mostly be standing with my brain running 2000 mph. "What do I do now?" Kind of thing

The perhaps a volunteer activity.

Remember: I'm not suggesting this as a way to find romance, just to make some not-romantic friends (who might be gals).

I'm certainly no expert but I think the rare times I made some progress I wasn't looking for romance. I was looking to be helpful. (For instance, if they need help moving, help them move. Don't expect payment with romance, but payment with a donut might be nice.)

I do get it and I thank you for your advice. I'll begin the search soon for what I can do in the area.

Good luck. And remember: You are looking for friendly acquaintances. If you get an occasional polite date, all the better. If it gets confusingly near romance, remember you are on the Spectrum, seek guidance.

At least...that is sort of what worked for me.

Thank you! I see my therapist again soon and I believe we will be working on getting me out more. Will keep updating

Welcome to Wrong Planet!