tuesday night I went to a class about aspergers, I didn't actually know what the class would be about until I got there, I went with my mom and she said on our way there that he has aspergers. It was an interesting class, I'm 23 and I was the youngest there. Throughout the class the teacher said more and more things that related to me, sometimes even doing impressions of me, acting like me, I couldn't believe the things I was hearing. I e-mailed her last night and told her about me. She is a social worker that has two sons with autism so I hope she will tell me what she thinks I should do. I haven't been diagnosed yet but as far as I can tell I do have aspergers. My parents said that when my brother was diagnosed with it they told the therapist about me and the therapist thought I have it but they never told me about it until after the class was over. It really would have been nice to have an explanation as to why I could never do things in school like math and science and history, basically the general subjects. I'm fine with a lot of computer work but when things like that get complicated I stop functioning. I have many friends but rarely do anything with them. My favorite people I talk to are in their 70's and 80's. I rarely go do anything with my family and I prefer to stay in my room. I'm taking one online college class but I feel as if college is a waste for me because I don't think I can graduate, I've only taken a few classes and I can't focus on or understand way too many things for me to be able to succeed so I can graduate so I've been really frustrated and worried. I don't even know what kind of career I can do, I have been told I'm a good writer so that's about the only thing I can come up with. I do feel suddenly confused and wonder how much of me wouldn't be the same if I didn't have aspergers. I'm wondering if I shouldn't be friends with the older people I like so much that have been good to me, I don't have a grandpa and they've treated me like a grandpa. They are men I worked with and one of the symptoms I read is liking older people, I'm afraid that if I didn't have this then I wouldn't be friends with them like I am and I'm afraid if I didn't have this then I would be a lot different to the point that I wouldn't care to be friends with them. I feel sort of confused about what's my personality and what about me really is because of aspergers, like I really don't know who I am right now. I've gotten so confused and frustrated that I've been feeling depressed about it, not knowing what to do or how to feel. I read so many things about aspergers that I relate to so I feel as if I don't know who I really am now. I wonder if I am okay the way I am with my friends but looking at the symptoms it made me feel like having older friends and things like the way I am are wrong and as if I need to change so many things about myself to make me normal, but I guess it might be okay to just be me the way I already am. I'm not sure though, hopefully that will be good.
04 Apr 2008, 9:01 pm
