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Hello everyone.

I have not been diagnosed with Asperger's, though the more I research into it, the more I feel I have it. This hasn't been troubling for me. Quite the opposite. It feels like a great weight might be lifted off my shoulders. It explains to me so many things that have been confusing me since I was very young. It feels like a great revelation and in some way, reassures me that maybe I'm not alone with the feelings and difficulties I experience.

I stumbled on the criterea for AS while researching Social Anxiety Disorder - Something I was diagnosed with in my early teens along with clinical depression. The article in question mentioned that many people with AS have been misdiagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder and vice versa. When I was diagnosed with the social anxiety, it explained some things to me, as I am indeed anxious around unfimiliar people, but it didn't seem to fit.

When I read more into AS, I remember all the times my Grandmother told me "You think to much. That's your problem". My mother telling me that despite being clever, I was emotionally immature, which was the reason for all my difficulties with others.

I didn't make friends at school easy from day one. It never bothered me, as I was more content to walk laps around the playground and be with my own thoughts to daydream. I used to get in trouble alot for giving other children and teachers 'dirty looks' or staring, even though that was never the intention, because I had no idea I was doing it. I learnt from this and at some stage the problem became not making eye contact. People always describe my demeaner as 'aloof'. Many of my teachers thought I was trying to be rude when I was just making a simple statements in my own defence, which they interpreted as my being cheeky. I was 'a little adult'. I always wished I were one then, because I couldn't relate to my peers. Now I'm a young adult and I still can't relate to them. I don't want to be like them, but sometimes I wish I were if that's what makes people happy. I'm happy being a loner, but sometimes I do feel lonely and would love to have friends and have fun with others. I was just the 'weird' or 'mental' child at school who nobody wanted to bother with. I just don't understand how most people work, act and think like they do, which brings up these conflicting thoughts about socialization, what I desire to do or be and what I don't, my identity, place in the world; Everything.

When I was about 9-10 I remember being utterly confused as to why my peers were becoming interested in having 'boyfriends and girlfriends'. Why they were interested in pop music, being fashionable and other such things. I'm 20 now and still not interested in these things(!) I started to get bullied and into fights with people the first year of highschool. I moved schools and the same happened again. I then got taken out of school at fifteen and home schooled. I always did well enough academically, particularly with English, History, Art and Music. If something interests me, it's interests me emensely and I'll pursue it to no end. I was bad at Math and still am. I hated sports because they were very team-work oriantated and competative, so I spent the time in these classes away in my own thoughts, only to be told to "Wake-up". My marks dropped in Math, Sport and Languages in Highschool, because I figured there was no point trying if they didn't interest me or confused me. I need alot of time alone after anything I deem stressful (things most people seem to do with no bother) and need time to myself to 'recharge'. I've also always had problems with what are supposed to be very simple things like left and right. When someone asks me a question or requests I do something, I need alot of time to process it and react, which I now realise frustrates and confuses other people. I also have a terrible short term memory. I'm taking driving lessons at the moment and because of those aspects, it's driving me crazy!

I also get preoccupied with certain interests, as I touched on earlier. I remember being very attached to certain things as a child and having what were seen as odd collections (soaps and glass bottles). I go through phases of extreme interest in one particular subject, only to abandon it for another, which I'll become absorbed in instead. Mostley it's been collecting certain items, researching different periods in history, ideaologies and philosophies and medical conditions. At the minute my 'special interest' would be, you guessed it, Asperger's.

So, yes, that's my overview and I'm curious to know wether I do have AS. I should be seeing my consultant Psychiatrist soon to do with a recent change in anti-depressant. I would like to bring the subject up with her, but I'm not sure how to go about it. Maybe I should write all these things down beforehand? Any advice would be appreciated.

Also, I've heard before that their's such a thing as people with AS having a certain look to their eyes. Sometimes being accused of being stoned! The opposite happened when I actually was stoned in highschool, nobody seemed to notice. I have got this comment from people alot and was wondering if there's any truth in it. Another one was the idea that many people have a monotone droll to their speech. Which is another trait I have. Pitchy voices actually irritate me wildley!

I have another appointment with my consultant psychiatrist in July. I have alot of things to discuss with her. As I've mentioned she's nice and allows me plenty of time to speak with her. It would explain so much to me, about myself, my growing-up, things that have happened, how I feel about the world and other people. My preoccupations, lack of relations to my peers and why people think I'm odd in behaviour, idea and mannerism. Why I always get described as aloof, cold. It would explain why I've had clinical depression and anxiety since I was 12. Also my eating disorder. Why the hell I get confused when it comes to right and left, directions and have a bad memory, slow reactions and suffer from what I call 'brain fog'. Zoning out at the wrong time and not being able to turn my brain off when I'm supposed to (ie. To sleep).

I'm nervous, but interested and excited to see what she thinks and says.


Anyway, sorry for all the rambling and "hello"!

hello im deathchibi.

hello there

BTW i could relate to a lot of your intro

To WrongPlanet!! !

This is exactly how I've felt for my entire life.

Welcome to WP!

Hi nothingunusual,

welcome to WP.

Regards your appt with your consultant psychiatrist,
Yes, if you want to mention AS to her, then definately write everything down before you attend it. That way, if you forget anything, you can just look at the paper or even easier, give it to him/her to read for themselves.

I can relate to what you wrote about walking laps around the playground/school. I used to do this nearly everyday when I was aged 5-10 and at my first school. I didn't mind being my myself at that time, as well. I'm terrible at math also and also not very good at sport.

I hope you enjoy posting here.

Thank's everyone for the welcome.

'ello, pot - meet kettle. Much resonates there, a lot of the phases and progressions. Glad you found your way here; being a recent addition, I know I appreciate the shared experiences.


M.

Nice to meet you, nothingunusual.