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Greetings. I'm not sure what to say, but I'm hoping to gain some better understanding of myself so here I go. I have been seeing a psychologist for about a year now about anxiety issues I've had for a long time but just now decided to do something about. I have come to enjoy seeing her, though I still get anxious every time I just go to talk to her. The last time I saw her, on the 1st of August, I was telling her about my last few weeks and again telling her about how I am teased at work, where my nickname is "literal man”. So after I told her about my experience, we talked about some other stuff and then she asks me if I know what asperger's syndrome is. I told her I had heard of it as being some type of autism, but that I wasn't familiar, so she told me that she didn't want to offend me, but that she thought it was possible that we should look into that, and told me to go to the GRASP website and read about it. Now that I've read about it, I don't know what to think. I believe it is very possible that I have this, but I am worried about it. I don't want to lose my job if I have this, but at the same time it would be good to know that I am just me and there isn't anything "wrong" with me.

What I want to know is, how do I know if I am just a normal person with anxiety, or that it’s something else?

I was recently divorced, and my ex wife accused me of many things that on hindsight sound very AS like. For example, she said I never paid attention to how people around me reacted to me when I would talk, and would often say inappropriate things, forcing her to make excuses for me. I rarely noticed this. She told me I always seemed very unemotional and had no sense of empathy. She also told me that I would mirror the people I was around, something I know I do but can't help. Actually, I almost got beat up once because of it... long story... The biggest thing I've always had a problem with is that I always find it difficult to tell what people are thinking or feeling, so I'm always asking them what they are thinking or feeling. My ex-wife thought that meant I didn't know her or care.

I find it difficult to react to sarcasm. I know the theory, sometimes I can identify it, but I can never tell if a person using it is serious or not. I'm often accused of having no sense of humor because of it.

Another thing I do is lecture. I don't like small talk, I can do it, but I usually feel uncomfortable with it, like I'm a robot doing it or something. The normal way I converse is in the form of spouting off facts. I am very interested in computers, animals, biology, and some other types of trivia. I can literally spend hours talking about these things, and often dominate conversation. When I get to talk like this, it's almost the only time I really feel good.

I also have what I've always called hyper focus. If I really like something, I can get so focused on it that nothing else exists in my world, including food and water. I sometimes get myself sick because of this. I always thought I just had ADD or something.

I am very serious about my music. Music is my gateway to my feeling emotional. It calms me, and allows me to slow my thinking or get myself into the right mindset. I often will yell at people who try to talk to me when I listen to my music, then I catch myself and apologize, because I know I shouldn't yell at anyone.

I have a very strong visual memory. I turn the things people say into movies in my head. If I don't do this, I have a very hard time remembering anything anyone says to me. My memory is very good. I remember small details about events that happened years ago. People I tell this to think its odd, or call me a genius, or a liar. I think it’s normal. Am I wrong?

When I'm alone and I'm thinking or writing (like right now) I tend to always move, like bouncing on the balls of my feet over and rolling my head to the left and right while shaking my head left and right. I only do it when I'm alone, except for the whole shaking my legs up and down thing. I do that all the time. I also touch my face all the time, like tapping my fingers on my lips or on my chin. Is this normal?

I plan out social engagements for days in advance, thinking about possible outcomes, things I'll say, what I need to do or bring. Still, I always feel a sense of awkwardness and obsess about the things people say and what it means, if I reacted the right way, and that sort of stuff. I have a tenancy of always starting conversations with "did you know" because I can't think of another way to start a conversation. I'm accused of being aloof and acting better then everyone else, but I don't know why.
I've had friends over the years, but I've always had difficulty feeling very close to them, like I'm just there with them, but I don't know who they really are. My friends always tended to be a bit strange. I also tend to "wear" my friends, talking and acting like them. When other people notice it and make fun of me for it, I feel bad, and I just shut down and become very quiet.

We'll, I could keep going on, but I don't want to write too much, so that all for now.

welcome to the site :O hope you find it as entertaining and informative as i do

and yeah, you're almost a complete mirror of me in those aspects, and i was diagnosed for aspergers at age 3 when aspergers became an official mental state (for lack of the proper term. im forgetting words right now)

and theres nothing wrong with you if youve got AS, the only people ive found that think its a 'disability' was that one middle school i went to that put me in educational disability classes and pretty much f****d me over, education-wise (my math skills are still at a 2nd grade level because of them. im supposed to be a senior this year but im repeating freshman year for the third time in high school) but that was a decent amount of years ago, when AS wasnt as common knowledge as it is now. ive never heard of anyone having any trouble at work for it, let alone being completely fired, thats just silly.

AS isnt any kind of 'disability', its more like a quirk, makes you a little more unique.

granted i couldve done without the social ackwardness growing up.... but hey, i speak better english than some english teachers ive known

Welcome to WP!

I've been having fun reading through the forums. I'm always up late because I can't sleep and stop thinking. I was watching video's people posted of themselves. It's pretty cool. Thanks for the greeting!

lol im the same way ^^;; im heavily entertained by conversing on forums (its vampirefreaks.com's fault, i think)

theres lots of stuff being talked about on the site

hehe firefox tabs are my friend. I have like 20 open, and I read a bit on each one, then go to the next, until I read them all or something else interests me.

hah, same here, or ill open enough tabs as it takes to lag my computer and make my music skip o_o; then ill end up closing a few and opening them again later...

What music are you listening to? I'm listening to Justice - DVNO. I have it looping right now hehe it my new favorite song

eeeeh, something by Deathgaze... i believe its Miscarriage, too lazy to look.

Deathgaze is a rather small-time nagoya-kei band from *drumroll* Nagoya. oh the irony.

I used to live in Japan, just outside Yokosuka. I visited the castle there. I was just a kid though. Have you been to Japan? Very heavy music. I'm listening to it on youtube right now. Kinda hurts my ears lol but I like the sound of Japanese. I'm going to bed now, have work tomorrow and all, but I hope to talk again more later, night! And thank you for responding and giveing me your perspective. Your the first person with AS I've every talked to.

indeed i have been to japan *nod nod* i lived in military base housing in Okinawa Japan, somewhere near Naha i believe. we saw many castles i think Nakaguzuku was my favorite, even though i tripped on a sandbag and scraped my knee it was my 6th birthday too... and mom wouldnt buy me ice cream, and it hurt getting the dirt out of the scrape ; ; ive disliked sandbags ever since.

and yeah, it was nice talking to you too :3 hope to talk more soon~ i like talking o_o; or at least i like talking about things i like talking about.... and on the internet in text...bad with verbal speaking... blehr

Hehe its funny to see someone else starting a sentence with indeed. Ok, one last post... then sleep... hehe... I was a military brat too. My father was a navy doctor, I lived at Yokosuka Naval base from 1986 until 1990. I was 6 when I moved there. I loved Japan. I remember wandering around off base alone. I never had any trouble. I miss it. I'm much better at communicating on the computer as well. The ability to edit your thoughts before actually putting them out there helps. I tend to edit myself a lot when I write. I'm a horrible speller.
I've been to Kadena Air Force base in Okinawa a few times too. I wish I could go back to Japan. I loved the curry at a restaurant called Coco's there. It was so hot, but it hurt good.

i lived very close to Kadena air base :O we still have our luggage tags from there *dont ask why mom kept those* i moved there at the age of 3, in 1994. one of the doctors at the military base we then lived at was the one who diagnosed me with asperger's. my stepdad was very unhappy with this, and then thought i was stupid, defective, in need of harsh discpline etc. he was borderline abusive, and things only got worse when my brother was born. he loved my brtoehr more than the world and treated me worse after he was born. but anyways, we used to go to Cocos too :O but i couldnt have the curry... im horribly sensitive to spicy foods. simple hot sauce makes my throat burn and feel like the skin is peeling off in my throat :/ so i had other stuff lol. i have a habit of saying 'indeed' as well as 'spiffy' and 'nifty' dunno where i got it from lol

I love the sound of "indeed" "correct" and "indubitably" which often gets me strange faces, like when I tell the lady at the checkout stand "indubitably" when she asks if I found everything i needed, but I don't care. I couldn't imagine not liking spice foods. So I guess wasabi is out for you too lol. I'm sorry to hear your dad was abusive. My dad was never around (can you say workaholic) and my mom was actually very supportive. She fought for me not to be labeled ADD/HD or whatever other stuff they said I was in school, but I was always put in the corner at school away from the other kids because I needed to be alone, and I had a hall pass so I could leave the room if I got too stressed and needed alone time. I don't know how she got the school to go with that, but its how I made it through elementary school. High School sucked though, glad that's over. I was such a loner in high school that when I graduated, people I graduated with asked me if I transferred in from some other school.

Here is a picture of who I am. I've been told I look severe in this pic, but this is my normal look.

severe? interesting.

im wonder whatexactly is meant by that.