Realised I should post this in this section.. Tourettes &

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I got used to the idea of having Tourettes (diagnosed at years ago, but... I think getting used to the Aspergers (I've found out in the past few months that I have it) is going to a lot harder.

(For all you who do not know Tourettes Syndrome is a Neurological Disorder which causes involuntary movements or noises and in some rare (& stereotypical) cases causes an individual to swear.)

So, I've ended up putting down a lot of my odd social and basically odd behaviour overall and even my "special abilities" (being able to draw things exactly how they look from a really young age for example) to my Tourettes, which my Mum thinks must have clouded any kind of diagnosis for Aspergers.

I guess I've always been pretty optimistic, that is until the past year or so. I guess my optimism became rather knocked by the death of one of my bestfriends: My dog, Shiloh. I loved him more than I loved myself, considering that at the time I probably would have rather thrown myself off a bridge than lose him.

I turned 20 this August and it's been two years since his death . I think I've kind of detached myself from him, I just don't think about him. That's what I do, I can detach myself from situations (unless they are as painful as said situation two years prior). If something bad happens I can easily distract myself with something else. I don't know if that is a good thing or not and I don't know if it's burying something, but that's what happens. I remember one time, and I'm not calling out for sympathy (I'm genuinely over it and it happens to almost everyone at some point I imagine) I'm just using this as an example - When I was 14 I was beaten up by an older girl, on the street while her gang stood by and watched and to cut a long story short, I ended up in hospital, asking a doctor giving an X-ray to me how many kids he got in there who had been beaten up and how it was the first time I'd been properly beaten up (kicked in the head several times, until almost passing out, etc.) and how I consider myself lucky for that being so. I think I was easily able to detach myself from this, but at the same time for about a year afterwards my heart would start to beat really fast whenever I heard footsteps behind me... Is this a lot to do with Aspergers? That kind of detachment?

So, I've obviously been evaluating myself a lot the past couple months and I've found myself blaming a lot of things on Aspergers; you know - past events, problems, losses and gains, but I have found that many of the things I've been dwelling on are the bad. Have I changed? I don't knows. I always used to take my tourettes and turn it into a good thing but the last couple months I've wondering if I just ignored or wasn't aware of the bad things. I that's right, but at the same time I'm told that I'm over thinking things or I'm just insecure. I'm seeing myself I think, how Neurotypicals see me, but I don't know if my reactions are the same as theirs would be and I don't know what is down to Aspergers and what is just me, and what I can change to be a better communicator and less ignorant/selfish individual. Not to say everyone with Aspergers is selfish, but I feel bad all the time for not being able to fulfil my bestfriends needs in conversation or even the fact that a lot of times in adult situations she has had to very much after me, and it wears her out. My greatest fear in life, at least the past few years as I have become more self concious and grown as an individual, is that I should let someone be my friend long enough to really get to know me.

I guess I came across this board while searching for answers, and people I could turn to for advise on how to handle my Aspergers and social difficulties and speak to people who have I guess been through what I'm going through now.

So, Hi, my name is Francesca and I have Aspergers. I'm a filmmaker and a student and I live in England. Nice to meet you all.

~Francesca

p.s. Sorry if any of what I've said is confusing or babbling.

Welcome to WP!

Babbling is definitely allowed!

Welcome to the Forums

L.

Hi lorelai_poulain welcome, it takes awhile toi adjust and really understand the depth of our differences, but with understanding comes acceptance and for me a whole new gain confidence and peace, take it easy as it can take time as with any change. This forum is great for getting answers to all these questions other avoid or just do not get

Mighty pleased to meet you, fellow-traveler Francesca. You wrote down your thoughts very clearly. Wrong Planet has been a great comfort zone for, and I'm sure that it will be for you, too. Take care new WP friend.

To WrongPlanet!! !

Welcome to WP!

Nice to meet you, Francesca.

Hey, Francesca, I'll give you another one. It sounds as thought you might be dealing with a bit of post traumatic stress disorder.
You sound like a delightful person. Be gentle to yourself as you try to fit in the new thought bubble of AS.