selfdiagnosed with worries

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Hi everyone, new to the scene. My son was diagnosed with autism this fall, which has prompted me to take a good look at myself. All along when people were saying how he wasn't normal I said; "no, there's nothing wrong, his just like me when I was little". But apparently something was different, so I can only conclude that the same goes for me. I've taken the first few steps towards a diagnosis, but I'm worried. I think a diagnosis would help ease my mind (I'm wallowing in "symptoms"), but maybe the finality would actually make it worse? But if I don't get the diagnosis I'll still just have OCD, which leaves so many questions unanswered.

Anyway, quick facts about me: I have a fiancee, two kids (1 and 4) and I live in a suburb to Stockholm, Sweden. I have a degree in English linguistics and I'm working on another in criminology. I have a large, strange family and a very limited social life.

I'll see you on the forum


C

Hey there. Yep, that sounds about right. This forum is a great place for information and advice if there's anything you're worried or curious about; I can guarantee you there are people here at various stages of walking the same path as you who have insight to offer.

I'm in the process of trying to get a diagnosis myself, but for me it's mostly a peace of mind/closure kind of deal and I don't expect it will affect my life all that much, but rather help me put a perspective on and understand how my life actually went. Just try to decide what an official diagnosis would mean to you and how it would affect the way you perceive and interact with the world or possibly even think about yourself and then try to decide whether those changes (if any) are something you actually want.

Well...if you're in the process of self-diagnosing, you're already going through the self-discovery stage, in which you begin to have little epiphany moments when the light bulb illuminates and you realize "Oh, that's why I've done that peculiar little thing all my life that makes people look at me askance." If your self-diagnosis is correct, there will be dozens of those over the next few months, (no doubt they've already begun).

(BTW, if you're right about the AS, then you probably don't have OCD - there are several aspects of AS that play out very like OCD, but the internal motivations tend to be different. People with OCD are often compelled to perform certain ritualistic behaviors because they feel that something bad will happen if they don't - people with Autism may exhibit similar seemingly compulsive behaviors, but they do it because they simply can't do it any other way. It's a subtle difference, but very real - I live with someone with OCD and her rationale frequently eludes me.

For myself, and some others I've seen post here on the subject though, the official diagnosis can leave you a little uneasy for awhile, trying to decide whether the glass is half empty, half full, or in some ways a whole mismatched set that contains several of both. Still, I'm glad to actually know, instead of just strongly suspecting. I told my therapist when I first began seeing her for depression "I hope I'm not being some sort of mental health hypochondriac, but I think I might have this.." After six weeks, she agreed and sent me to a psychologist for testing.

Probably the best part is knowing that all the things I spent my life being bullied and abused over (even as an adult), all those shortcomings that branded me a loser or an oddball, were not just personal shortcomings, but due to an actual neural miswiring that was never under my control to begin with - but that knowledge itself is a little disconcerting sometimes. That there's a 'hitch in mah gitalong' and there's nothing I can do about it.

What the hell - I wouldn't change it if I could - I'm not sure who I'd be if I were 'cured' - maybe someone I wouldn't like. Besides, at 50yo, I've suffered long and hard to be who I am and nobody has a right to take that away.

To WrongPlanet!! !

Hello LipstickKiller welcome to WrongPlanet!

Welcome greetings to the Wrong Planet, fellow-traveler LipstickKiller.

Hello LipstickKiller welcome to WrongPlanet!

Hi and welcome!

I am also a parent with an autistic child, and I have recently realised I'm most likely on the spectrum myself. I haven't gone for an official diagnosis though.

I hope you find the answers that you seek.

Criminology and linguistics?! <3 Along the lines of what I want to do very cool.

Spring is here and it's really sunny and I feel sunny because you all welcomed me with such sweetness.

I have plenty of epiphanies all the time, and I also realize how many aspects of myself I've hid, denied and tried to eliminate from my personality. It's eerie, because then who am I?

I think I did have OCD for a while, I was also rather depressed. I'm now on Zoloft for OCD, because when I went off them I started obsessing about a lot of stuff. But the "catastrophe" thinking is gone, I just have to go over things in my head over and over again to make the anxiety go away, it's more subtle than the rituals to deterr disaster from striking.


But I'm worried that I'm using AS to explain my childhood to the extent that if I don't get the diagnosis I'll feel lost all over again...

Hi and welcome to join the forum with us! Quite a funny nickname, wonder what brought that on

I recognise your feelings very well in this stage before diagnosis. Like your soul cant rest if you dont get a formal diagnosis, a confirmation of YOU as individual and that you somehow have the legal right to be yourself as you are. At least thats how it felt for me. I also worried to death about the outcome. Maybe I dont have AS - if so then WHAT?Because it was obviously something wrong with me. I was so worried as I believed so strong that AS was really me. The diagnosis was a relieve when it was confirmed. I was 25 years old by then and had also lived my life strangling the AS part of myself. If you have started the process up to get the diagnosis then you have quite some lifejourney in front of you! Good luck with it

And yes, my OCD was also stronger when I was depressed. Im also on Zoloft and always have to keep track so the OCD dont take too much control of myself.
I hope you will find this forum useful and like to stay here and talk!