For the attention of Alex. Re: new forums.

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I'm not trying to be an ass. I just have a lot of
trouble with the longer posts, and I suspect that
there are people who are less than fond of the short
ones. I just try and pack as much infered meaning
into as little space as possible. The problem is that
some is almost always missed.

I will focus on the one that is most important to my mind, not just for me, but for the AS community:
AS/Autistic parents

Here is a link to a poll/thread about whether we could have a forum for that specific purpose:
http://www.wrongplanet.net/modules.php? ... =parent%2A

The current Parent's Discussion forum is NOT a warm, friendly place for those of us on the spectrum. It is dominated almost completely by NT's. Sorry to break it to you. One would think they would welcome our input, but you are wrong. They ignore and belittle us. If you were to look, you would see almost NONE of us ever post in there. Why, it’s their own little NT planet over there – millions of miles away.

It’s like CAN over there – aspies tend to hate the attitudes surrounding CAN. Well, if you want to read posts from CAN member wannabes, go check out that forum. It is painful to read most of the parental posts. They complain about their kids, don’t understand them, believe that if they find the right school their kids will be cured, and some of them believe in things like purposely exposing their kids to things the kids don’t like because they say “they need to know how to function as adults”. So a parent will go on about how her son hates the feel of creams but she forces him to use them. I feel sorry for the kids, and really can’t read any of the posts there without wanting to run away, wishing I could help but knowing they’ll either argue with me or not understand.

Why would I want to write in a thread about how hard it is to be a parent, to an audience of NT’s that don’t have a clue about what life is like for aspies? Why do you think there are only NT's there? The reason is we went there, we tried, and scurried away.

There really are a lot more members with kids than you know. You don’t know because we don’t feel safe talking about it!

did you read thru the advice on blow jobs?

The adult formum does seem to be sex related thats inappropriate for younger members, as the topis description says.

Personally, I think there are more forums than required (do you need a "random" as well as "role play .. off the wall" forum? and foreign language seems to be hardly used).

The description of the "Parents Discussion" specifically says parents of AS kids, thereby excluding AS parents of NT kids

If there is age specific forums for Teens and young adults and kids, why not older adults Its nice to have a discussion with people of my generation without having it spammed up by kids who take the topics off course.

As for "in depth discussions", I think there are plenty of those here already.

Coming back to a "parents discussion" I have a feeling that a lot of "members" who post there are NT with AS kids who join, post a single issue only briefly and are often never seen again. As a parent, it has no interest to me.

IMO being a parent goes along with being an older adult and a separate parent forum is not needed. Just an over 30 forum.

BTW - the whole of the "Kids Crater now has 2648 posts and the "Aspie Cafe" - 1 topic - has 2962 posts. The "cafe" is so crowded and topics move so fast, I rarely go in there. It has several topics going in parralel and its just too hard to keep up.

This is why I joined the Elder AspergianCouncil http://www2.phpbb-host.com/phpbb/index. ... um=cerebro which was really good while there was more people posting, but being a new forum it doesn't seem to have the critical mass or momentum to sustain posting.

If you are an older aspie here, I exhort you to have a look at and join the Elder Aspergian Council

http://www2.phpbb-host.com/phpbb/index. ... um=cerebro

A bit of competition between sites may be a good thing.

Just my two cents...

The reason I follow the dino-aspie forum far more closely than the other so-called "adult" forums is that there are people I can relate to on there. People think about what they are going to post, even if it's a goofy post. And even when tempers flare, the whole thread doesn't devolve into a shouting match that involves every thread participant, and goodness gracious, the two with the spat actually get around to discussing the situation in an adult manner.

I'm 46 yo. Why would I even go to the Adult thread when it's full of young people complaining about their lot in life or some weird question off the top of their threads that seems obvious, or is puerile at the very least? It's because most of the people are not adults. They are adolescents (and given Aspies develop slower, I would put our end adolescence at least late twenties--we are like fine wine!). It's hard to have a discussion with someone who automatically considers your views as coming from an old dino, and thus we either get the "you just don't understand!" or some rude rant in the guise of debate.

I will give Snake and La Petit Prince for discussing potentially flammable things rationally with me.

So as for the stratification of WP, it's already happened. I think it's the perceived majority taking offense that older Aspies need a forum to make contact with their peers because they feel it must reflect badly on them somehow. And giving the psotting of the younger Aspies, our threads tend to get swamped unless what happened did so: Yowler started the Dino-Aspie Cafe. And if I could I'd have some kind of transporter to send the espresso, tea, or lovely cold beverage of their choice to each dino-Aspie and our supporters and a lovely muffin, based on all of the wonderful recipes we have. Just no dancing by the faux Rhodie in the corner.

And let's face it--if all of these people who are Dinos have not been participating in the Cafe thread because it's hard to keep up with, and we still have these massive posting of three, four, five, etc., pages each day, imagine what would happen with a more organized forum.

Metta, y'all!! !!

heh, heh.

Typical Dino-Aspie!

!chirp!

The parenting forum, as it stands now, is designed for parents of AS children.

Clearly this is an indication to (more likely than not) NT parents of AS children, not to AS parents of children in general. So to say concerns pertinent to AS parents could simply be tossed into the present parenting forum would go against its own description. Not all of us have only AS children. Many of us have NT children. Of my 5, 3 appear to be NT. Only 2 have autistic traits. So where should a parent who has AS him or herself go, to post about a parenting dilemma they face concerning their NT child? Sure, they could post anywhere, but in light of the fact that a parenting forum geared towards parents of AS children already exists, it would behoove the board to create a forum for AS parents. In short, the parenting forum as it exists, presently, is not a place for parents with AS to post. The description of the board specifically excludes a number of us (those who have concerns about parenting NT children, or parenting in general).

About an age-specific board: the tenor of WP is decidedly young. This is perhaps not obvious to those who are 25 or younger. It can be alienating for those of us 30ish or older to find ourselves in a sea of what, quite frankly, often appear to be children. This is nothing against the young people on the board-- I adore many of them, but the fact is, they cannot know where I am coming from in the same manner that someone my own age, or older, could. They couldn't necessarily give me advice concerning my marriage, they cannot give me advice concerning parenting, they cannot give me advice on any other number of issues, nor do I feel like posting about such issues, in the general parts of the board, in the name of inclusivity. And given that internet culture is so youth-oriented (it is outrageous, frankly, that 40 year olds here are calling themselves "dinos." In my "real life" worldview, a person isn't "old" until they can join AARP, and even then, I'll grant them a few years) it would be generous for us non-teenagers, us non-20-somethings, to be granted specific place.

The admin of this board is young, himself, and perhaps cannot appreciate our perspective.

Maybe an all-purpose forum for non-sexual, real life, "older" adult issues could be created, encompassing (1) social networking for those 30+, (2) parenting *as someone with Asperger's*, and (3) marriage. This would consolidate at least some of the concerns at hand, and obligate the creation of just one extra forum within the board.

I don't mean ppl are actually posting pornography on the adult forum, but allot of the topics are x-rated.

And I just wanted to add that ppl would not be forced to post there and no where else if they are a certain age or young ppl would not be allowed to post there if
something was of interest to them. For example if they had a marriage or parent
thread in the older forum and a 20 something wanted to contribute to it they would be
welcomed to. And if someone was in there 30's and liked video games they would still
be able to post in other forums.

Alex,

The "Mens Discussion" forum was never asked for by many people and was I think just a response to adding the "Womens" forum. Since the mens forum doesn't have a lot of topics (and most not serious anyway), why not move all posts to the "adult" forum, delete the Mens and add an "Over 30" forum. Without counting, I think there are probably as many posts by women in there as any other forum.

Then you have no greater number of forums as you do now.

The top topics in the mens forum are currently (in bold - where I think they could have been posted in the absence of a "mens" forum

Ahole
Mature
Good-looking politicians
Random
Becoming an a---ole
Mature
Masturbation cuts cancer risk
Mature
Do some Aspie guys NEED their women to be Aspies?
love & dating
getting head
Mature
Why are we supposed to be afraid of getting married?
love and dating
do all men "check out" women?
Mature
feminists piss me off
Mature
Hair
friendship and general social interaction
Trying to date an aspie male and failing miserably...
friendship and general social interaction
'Nice guys finish last'
Mature
Virginity Query
Mature
are you a misogynist?
Mature
'Nice' Guys = Wimps
Mature
sperm donation
Mature
Things A Man Should Know About Style
friendship and general social interaction
The Rule of Silverman
?
equalitarians piss me off
Mature

Alex, I understand from Bizarre that you are thinking of moving the Dino-Aspies into the new discussion forum to start it off?

I have posted a message about it in the Dino threads, to see how they feel about it.

If the Dinos don't want to move, I don't know yet whether they will or not, would it be possible to just open an empty foum? I'm sure it would soon fill up.

Certainly not x-rated. My local free paper is
actually more explicit than the adult section
here.

I've felt for a while that the Dino Cafe was looking cliquish. Hard for people to feel comfortable to join in on. Recently a new thread opened in much the same spot. I was and am hoping for it's success. The sheer volume sometimes is hard for a regular to get through. Time isn't an option, for many, to wade through it all. I suspect much the same will happen to the newer thread, over time.

The adult forum is a freakin wreck on steriods. However, I don't know the answer to that one either. Having said that, I do think Alex has more then a valid point when he said natural process. Think it hugely important that sex be made open, that anyone can be comfortable with who they are, barriers are dropped. Like many cultures, there are deep divides with what one considers in good taste or even ok to openly talk about. I don't think there is any way to avoid it. I don't think it should be avoided. We recently went through a "sex" phase in the cafe, but went zipping on by.

I have more thought on all of this. Probably can't find my old posts, in the cafe, where I brought up much of what this thread is about, too much to wade through.

don't know whether the parent's forum is dominated by NT's but there is a strange atmosphere that keeps me out of that forum even if i'd like to discuss things as an aspie mother (with an AS and an NT kid)


i'd like a dino-forum where the dino-café would excist, because we would be able to make other threads and be able to find again some of the stuff posted when it's about a particular subject, i'd also be able to talk with people who are a bit everywhere because they don't feel at ease in the dino-café. (i also thought the adult-forum is more about sex-issues, for me a little too concentrated, not that i'd avoid talking about sex in general, but it's too direct, all ages and so)

Postie, I agree with you on the sex issue--what's stupid or just gross to me is informative, entertaining, or whatever to someone else. Just so long as people post in the right place so the wee kiddies don't get into it, and I think we be fine.

I can see a marriage sticky, too, and maybe a culture sticky that could include creative pursuits. Of course, the way the Dino (I know--I can't believe we're old at forty either, except Yowler came up with such cute graphics) thread goes, we'd probably end up with a few threads that keep going. We tend to come up with broader subjects, and go off topic, but with a main topic, I bet we'd stray back on, and be more coherent overall.

Oh, and a technie sticky--for computer questions. Oh, heck, plumbing, electrical, whatever, too.

Even as messy as the current thread is, I still enjoy it. But I know more folks will join in as things spread out and become more manageable. Today, I read 8 pages on the Cafe thread. It's a hoppin'. Now split it up, and add everyone here who said they would join in if they could keep up.
Pretty cool.

Rjaye

I wont post in adult, nor mens, womens nor love and dating. I have little to nothing to say about sex.

I wont post in parents. I am neither a parent nor a child. I do not support the attitudes found there.

Random does not appeal to me. Nor does the Haven at my age.

Special interests are just that. There are other places I can go for more indepth talk in regards to those.

That basically leaves general, getting to know, and members only. General is a cesspool. Filled with whiners, victims, and youth. The lamentations are identical to youth in any of the hundreds of thousands of forums out there; AS seems almost tangental to it. I dont see much difference in members only. The Y's have it.

So that leaves getting to know, and the dino-cafe. Its getting too large and unwieldy, even for those of us that are not ADD.

I dont want adult discussion. I want experienced discussion. With cohorts from my demographic or older.

The friendship and the working/jobs forums were
left off of your list. As with the politics/philosophy.
All of these have discussions which are pertinent
to most of us.

Moreover, these forums are what people make of it. If the
dino's went in and carved their own space in areas, it would last
just by the posting which would happen, no? It's not as though anyone
is moving threads around and rearranging things. Many of these
forums (other than the 'cesspools' as you put it) are pretty slow moving,
and only have a few active threads at a time. That seems to be
exactly what you desire.

Yeah, i came on a little strong there. I'll leave it as is and eat crow as I get called on it i guess.

Jobs i overlooked.. Politics I post in occasionally. But I am getting tired of arguing politics. I'm beginning to see all sides more clearly anyway. Middle of the roaders are no fun to argue with!