Wasted my college social life and 25, depressed

Post Reply New Topic

I understand exactly what you're saying and I'm also afraid of going through what you went through. However, I look at it like this:

Why do I want to "party" in college? Because neurotypicals do this. I want to do things a neurotypical person does because I think it might lead to "fitting in"

However, I think I might have been mislead. Please do not be confused: College party life is NOT as fun as it seems in pictures. In fact, if people have time to take pictures, I'd venture they are pretty bored.

I'll give you an example: My husband has a**hole "friends". He is autistic as well as me. When he hangs out with them, he tries to blend in. They are still drinking and playing stupid beer games at the ages of 26 and 27. A lot of them only got "OK" grades in college and regret partying so much. About half of them could be classified as alcoholics. One of them wants to be a famous director (about to graduate film school) but all he does is drink and go to parties to try and connect with rich people. He doesn't actually try to practice anything related to film.

My point is that people got into that scene because they viewed it as glamorous. In reality, life is boring. They wanted to be excited all of the time, but ended up with drug and alcohol addiction. Out of the 2 that actually have good jobs as engineers, all they do is sit around on a couch that smells like cat pee and drink cheap, disgusting beer.

Now, ask yourself: Are there other ways I can socialize? The people who are into the "party" scene are often frat-like people who end up either alcoholics/drug addicts and/or lonely. In fact, a lot of the friends you make in childhood and college may not even last. Most people grow and and have families or other priorities. The people that stay in "party mode" are the people like those characters from the show "Workaholics". If you've ever seen that show, it's pretty sad because while funny, some people really are like that still in real life. At the age of 30.

I would fully recommend hobbies as opposed to missing college. Now, I understand you can't forget the college life. I don't expect you to consciously do that. I still sometimes can't forget high school and fantasize about doing things very differently (socially). However, I will tell you taking up hobbies or conversing with like-minded people will help distract you.

I believe what you are experiencing is called the "quarter-life crisis". It's happening to a lot of people who are around 25 years old. This is because the economy sucks and most of our generation has little opportunity. With ASD, it's even harder. You are not alone in this. I recommend animal companions, as they often never leave your side.

neah I'd say I partied more bc yea it makes me feel normal, as does the alcohol and that I become better at convo, which with AS I have a hard time making with people.

I understand. Alcohol also enables me to blend and and look more "normal". A good point to remember: If people only like you when you're drunk, are they caring about you at all? I would say no. I know it seems hopeless, but please trust others and myself when we say there are other ways to meet people. A lot of people look back on their college days because they don't have anything else in life. I really do think if you simulate some sort of social experience, it will help you move forward (if possible).

I am also on the prowl to get more notches under my belt. I got my first when I was a super senior, to a fat chick. And I ALMOST had better in college. I almost made friends with pretty, preppy, popular girls until I botched it, either by talking to them WAY too much before hanging out, or drunk dialing/texting.

Is that "fat chick" not good enough or something? She might feel like how you feel.

Anyways, those pretty, preppy, popular girls are only popular in school. Outside of school, they may have lots of friends, but it's not like at HS or college. They become "nobodys" like the rest of us.

Have you thought about trying to relive your younger years by going to places like nightclubs? You are still young enough to appear popular there.

The feeling of superiority, of being a somebody, king of the hill, BMOC, its forlorn. Like I'm goin to grad school but its short and the student body is monster. I just want to be as good as the top people. And yea that fat chick was not good enough for what I COULD HAVE had were it not for the severe social skills deficits I had. I was leagues above her. Anonymous online folk have said, after I posted a picture (I'd never do that here) that my face is a 7.5 but my height turns me into a 3. I even had successfully asked a pretty girl out junior year (as in got her to not deny me on the spot) but because I couldn't get her subtleties when she blew me off (as in didn't answer her phone even tho she told me to call at a certain time, I didn't have a car then), I creeped her the f**k out, and she blocked me on FB and avoided me. Countless other times, like I had invited a pretty one to a party that I had met at a previous one, and she didn't say "I don't wanna come," she said "oh my friend lives there." I didn't know that was a rejection. Looking at it, now that was saying "I don't like that guy" bc of the punctuation and because if they were friends, she'd have come. Or I had texted a girl asking her if I could come over (the week before), we had started texting earlier, and she was like "you can but I'm going to bed soon, got a test tomorrow," I still came like an idiot. And this ruined my reputation on campus, and therefore the only part of life worth living.

I don't know... you sound kind of full of yourself..

I know you posted this in the haven section, and I'm trying very hard to be sympathetic, but you sound like one of those people that thinks he is way better than the "losers" who he/she hands out with and dates, even though the "cool kids" don't like him/her. It sounds like you wanted to be one of those frat guys and put people down who aren't as cool as you.

What if those other people viewed you like how you viewed that "fat chick"?

first off, I was in a frat. Second, my height does not owe to laziness or lack of will power. While yes women have slower metabolisms, weight loss can still be achieved. I was once fat too. But I took charge, grabbed the bull by the horns, staked my claim, and lost 25 lbs in 3 months. That made a MONSTER difference on me. Jeans which once fit no longer fit because they were too big. I went on Atkins and did 20+min of cardio/day. So a female might take 4 or 5 months doing the same thing to lose weight, but that could still be several dress sizes on the year. The girl was morbidly obese, the one I ultimately got laid by. My height, 153cm, is not the equivalent or morbid obesity. I'm more than willing to go with a girl who might be, 10, 15 lbs more than optimal, but not one 60, 70 lbs more than optimal, other than the purpose of what I did: destroy the curse called male virginity. I am not the fat chick. Such an idea is part of the problem with women these days, peddled in part thanks to MTV, feminists, etc.

I feel for your situation, but your outlook on life seem rather narrowminded and shallow.
An objective of "Sex, money and legacy" seems downright stupid. That is equal power and personally I think power is overrated. NT's might gain power through their mighty social skills but that at the same time keeps them from developing in other areas.

Let's take a couple of wellknown geeks: Bill Gates and Steve Wozniak.
They are very appreciated, not because of their amazing social skills but because
they've become good in their particular field.

What interests do you have? What do you like doing, reading, listen too or whatever?

Develop those areas, with pure interest and forget about NT's and what society might expect of you. Then suddenly you'll probably get that stuff anyways.

Good luck

LOL.

So you feel entitled to something other than what you got, and you really think the only reason people didn't like you is because of things like your height and you called a bit too much.

You don't have to listen to any of my advice, but at this point, I would advise you to be more empathetic, because it sounds like people view you like how you viewed that "fat chick" that you talk as if she's nothing more than an object.

Rodney there is more to life than parties, beer games, etc. Have you ever just sat on Myrtle Beach when it was empty and it was sunset? It was breathtaking. Now that is what life is all about.

those guys were not "good," they were "really really ridiculously amazing" at their fields. Tho if science/math were my thing, leaving aside I'd probably have had a better social image on campus, I'd be doing well in a career now. But history/politics was my thing. I got so carried away I would blog forever and sites and edit wikipedia the summer before junior year. But unless you're from a good school, no public policy firm will give you an internship interview. So it flopped.

Dare I say that this might be an understatement...

I'm just tired of never having sex/love/affection, what others have, being as good as others, being freakishly short, this is a recipe for a failed life. Its not anymore "shallow" than anyone else. I resent being compared to lazy and unkempt people. Saying I'm like "the fat girl," or supporting such an analogy is preposterous.

How do you expect to have what others have when you think so highly of yourself and so low of others? You are projecting your own insecurities onto other people.

I don't think low of others. I wish I could be a tall, nordic looking type, and be seen as athletic. Heck, I was socially intimidated by those kinds of people in the past, which def really hobbled me. Or maybe I'm just jaded from college. I mean its a statement of fact my SAT scores were >200 pts higher than the average at my school (Loyola/Marist) and I only went under extreme, non-academically induced duress, so its hard not to look down on some of the airheads my school head, especially if one is 70 lbs or more overweight. Plus, I respect my body and thus myself, by working out, keeping in shape. My height, I can't do anything about. I can't get made 8 inches taller, but a girl can get a that gastic bypass, and the girls I went to school with were more than rich enough.