My first year was particularly difficult. Moving into halls (dorms) was a HUGE challenge for me. They put me with 6 or 7 other girls who were all "OH MY GOD. LET'S GET DRUNK! I LOVE HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL! LET'S HAVE A GIRLY NIGHT OUT! YAAAY! NOISE NOISE NOISE!" None of that is me at all.
I'd play along with this to start because I really tried having a taster of everything - going to clubs/bars, uni societies, going along with the girls in my flat. It terrified me and soon became clear I didn't 'fit in.' They'd start doing stuff without me and I'd confine myself to my bedroom most the time. I'd avoid going into our communal kitchen if I knew people were in there. I'd never cook anything. I'd always eat stuff I could chuck into the microwave or oven so I could do that and leave the room.
My flat would get together with the girls they knew downstairs. I'd be the one asked to take the photos because they didn't want me in them. One or two I knew would talk about me. I overheard one come in after a night out and start to whisper s**t about me from right outside my bedroom door.
Christmas came and they arranged a huge dinner party thing. I was actually invited because it was for the flat, but on the day I panicked. I knew it'd be awkward. I texted my mum. She rang me. At the time, I'd rant to her about my social difficulties and also my work stress. This time she just said "Francesca, do you want to stay at university or do you want to leave??" and I broke down in tears and hung up on her. So, I text one of the girls saying I couldn't come. She and another came over later (these two weren't so bad) and asked me what was up. I started to cry again and they hugged me and brought me some food.
My second year wasn't so bad. I made a friend in class and we ended up sharing a flat. I'm still sharing that flat with her now. I'm in my final year. All the friends I made in my "must really try and meet people" first year have faded. I have very few friends at all now. In fact, I don't have an actual, good friend at MY university now.
My flatmate has gone from a good friend to someone who almost doesn't want to acknowledge my existence. She'll totally blank me and chat with her mates like I'm not there. If we catch the same bus, she'll be really quiet until we arrive and someone she knows comes to speak with her/us. Sometimes she'll suddenly be chatty with me, usually when no-one else is around and she'll talk mostly about herself and her job and uni work or what bills I need to pay or when whoever is coming over to fix the whatever. We're not friends. When we graduate she'll fade out of my life without a fight, just like everyone else. She told me if I stay living here, she'll move out. If I don't stay, she said she might stay and have her best mate move in.
I'd like to know how everyone else managed at uni/college. What awkward/difficult situations you had? I guess I just don't want to feel alone in this.
