Post traumatic stress after leaving abusive job

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I left a job 20 months ago following a work injury.

I worked as a highway dispatcher for a trucking company for 3 1/2 years. The job itself was fine, I was sufficiently competent to get the job done and done well. The problem was conflict with my co-workers.

I have always know that somehow I was 'different' and even though I thought I might have Asperger's, I never had a diagnosis. After my youngest daughter was diagnosed with Autism, it became clear to me that I did indeed have Aspergers.

So was it my co-workers or was it simply me? I was harassased, abused, called names, shouted down, ect, ect. I put up with the job because I am a family man with 3 kids to bring up, and I felt I had no alternatives. After my work injury, I did not return to the abusive workplace. Since I have found out (the hard way) that I really did have no alternatives and after a personal bankrupcy, I am still looking for work 20 months later.

My post is about post traumatic stress though. Almost daily after leaving this job I would have nightmares about my co-workers, my ex-boss, and conflict situations. After a year, it was a nightmare ever other day. Now 20 months later its a nightmare once a week. When I have these nightmares I often feel paralyzed, or I wake in a cold sweat of anixiety.

I also have to relive the job, my relationships with co-workers and what I did while I was there in every job interview that I attend. Having to explain that I left under bad terms, that I 'burned a bridge' in leaving, or that I've learned my lesson about leaving a job the wrong way. Between having a bad reputation, and having asperger's I don't know if I'll ever have another paid job again.

Of course this is traumatic as well. Its said that 'time heals all wounds', but my injuries are healing very slowly if at all. Anyone have any suggestions for dealing with post traumatic work related stress??

Stress from problems at the workplace can linger for a long time. Consider counseling.

Hi Repent,

I found your story after a very trying day at work, myself. Like you, I have a child who has been diagnosed with Asperger's but I am not "diagnosed." Frankly, I hate labels and loved it much better when we simply had or were "really smart kids." Now it's a handicap. One which you can't get a good parking space for. Also like you, I've been about 5 degrees off and spent over 40 years trying to figure out why. It wasn't until my mother said that my child was "just like" me when I was a boy that it meshed. It does me no good to pin a label on myself at my age.

I've had many jobs, but I can count the ones I've truly enjoyed on one hand. I am currently in a job where I am derided and pushed beyond comfort to the point where I dread showing up for work. I am also a family man, so in this economy, I don't have much of a choice. My only salvation is that I have an advanced degree and I am working on another degree. I eventually hope to get an adjunct position somewhere and work myself into a tenure track. My research specialization is in pathological organizations - yes, because I've been in so many _ed up places that I felt compelled to know what made them tick. There is never a valid reason to treat people in an undignified manner, yet when an organization has "issues," it is often flummoxed and deflects blame on the employee, when all that was needed was to look in the mirror.

A couple of things about abusive workplaces - NOBODY deserves to be in a hostile environment and I am so sorry that you had been subjected to this. Your situation has many variables, including your age, what happened, etc. I am not an attorney, but one may be able to tell you that state or federal laws were violated (and perhaps not). I suppose the "handicapped" tag has its advantages when proving discrimination. A statute of limitations may apply.

The root of your question is how to deal with the consequences of the stress you experienced. Professional counseling is your best choice. Beyond that, relaxation techniques will help clear your head and perhaps minimize triggering reliving the events. Meditate. Read. Reflect. Also be the best you can be outside of any potential work situations. Put some diverse activities into your life and go do things with your children. This will help take your mind off the situation and help you develop a more positive outlook. You will very much need that in your interviews - and not having one will (not) shine through.

I would suggest you practice your interview dialogue with someone to not go into too much information about your former position. From a new employer's perspective, they may be worried that you would talk to a subsequent employer about them in that manner, so temper your words and try very hard to not seem bitter or indicate anything that reflects poorly on yourself (simply talking about bad experiences may do that). Practice on minimizing what has happened (it IS a big deal, but it should not be a big deal to your new employer... they won't hire someone who comes with "baggage") and focus on how your strengths and experience will help the company prosper. Focus on what you bring to the table. What makes YOU special. Practice confidence and be enthusiastic. Not reliving it does two things: 1) it fails to give credit to those other people who made your life difficult; and 2) it puts the spotlight on your relationship with your prospective employer, not on you and your former employer. I would also suggest networking. Get out and meet people who will know you as you. If these people become aware of a hiring situation and recommend you, it's solidly because of you and not your prior situations.

Also consider job opportunties. At 20 months out, it may be worthwhile to go back to a vocational/technical school for new skills or complete a degree.

You own your destiny, not the bullies.

Best wishes, my brother.

H.E.

I would definately be looking to get some compensation for all that if I were you.

I went to counseling, after leaving a bad job, for two years, and it worked wonders.

I guess that's the 'normal' thing that human resources want, that you made a mistake and you 'learned' your lesson. But it's not going to help you get the next job. It's more the human resources person just getting their jollies intruding and prying into overly personal life.

So, if need be, tell a lie of deflection. Straight up, that's what I recommend. Finesse the situation.

And really, you left following a work injury. How much is there really to explain? You don't need to go into details

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I'm going to give you some bad news because I do strive to be a straight shooter. Applying for a job at Four Seasons hotel in their restaurant in Texas back in 1991, they wanted me to sign a "Waiver of Workers' Comp Confidentiality' In some ways this has become more common, in some ways this has become limited by law. But there seems to be a trend to view someone who got injuried on the job---and the whole purpose of having workers' compensation is to help such people---but to view the person as a potential 'problem employee.' I don't like it, but it's better that you know than not know.

So . . .

'Family responsibilities'

'Went back to school'

That is, consider just telling a lie. Almost a lie of self-defense in dealing with a largely unfair system. Some people (NTs, I think!) prefer to say it's not 'really' a lie. I prefer to say, yeah, it is, but given the circumstances, maybe an okay choice. And I recommend keeping it vague. somehow it bothers me less that way.


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'I've already sent HR a copy of my resume. May I send you a copy also?' That's the money statement!

I'd say it's within the normal range. I have had "jobs" that have bothered me for more than 20 months.

That people can be so destructive, so intentionally destructive. That people can engage in piling on behavior (because then they're off the hook, then they're not going to be the person persecuted. And I guess some people have grown up in these kind of super dysfunctional environments.) So, they jump at the opportunity. And piling on behavior is clearly a kind of bullying behavior, probably one of the major kinds. So, it is a whole bunch of issues.

I had some councilling, until I couldn't afford it anymore. I did receive workers compensation benefits for 2 months till they decided 'your fit to return to work', regardless of the fact that it took me two more months to regain the use of my right hand and wrist. (I'm right handed and my car's a standard, so I couldn't even drive following the injury).

I have also been having a problem with my adult parents. In 2003 I had my own house, no debt other than a small mortgage, and life was going well. My (somewhat wealthy) parents were angry with me because the house was on the 'wrong side of the tracks' and they didn't want my kids, their grandkids growing up in the wrong neighbourhood.

They offered to put up 60% of a mortgage for my wife, our kids and I to live in a house in a better neighbourhood of THEIR CHOOSING. I said a resounding 'NO' about ten times but my wife and kids thought it was a good idea. So I gave in. Last year after loosing my source of income, I defaulted on my share of the mortgage with the bank.

They were furious, completely unsympathic with my circumstances. They immediatly foreclosed on the house and this forced me into a personal bankrupcy as well.

Now this year my mother tells me I have a younger brother that I never knew about that she put up for adoption when I was 14 months old. She now wants me to embrace this brother I have never known as if I had known his all my life, also that my kids immediatly accept his kids as their 'new cousins'.

With my asperger's I don't know how to navigate normal situations, little lone extremely complex social situations and conflicts. I feel overwhemingly angry at my parents for numerous reasons, almost to the point that I don't want them to have anything to do with me or my kids at all anymore.

What would be a 'normal' responce to a family conflict such as this? This, of course, is also very traumatic having to deal with on the side. My step-father has said things like 'I hate you, I will never be your friend, nobody cares what you think, ect, ect'. Am I wrong in not wanting to have anything to do with him? Am I right in wanting to restrict my parents from access to their grandkids?

I really don't know. It could all be me and my aspergers. That I've taken everyone the wrong way. That others have misinterpreted what I have said and done. That I myself am to blame for all or most of my problems. Also that my 'take' on these issues doesn't matter.

All very traumatic, on top of the loss of work for 20 months.
I don't expect miracle replies to this, but I wouldn't mind hearing detailed descriptions of the lives of others with aspergers, so I could compare and contrast my circumstances vs what other people have lived through.

Thank you for all your previous replies, they have been helpful.

At age 47, I have been back living with my parents since Oct. '08 (for the first time in 20 years!). I liked my Dad when he was showing me his garden, he later told me something either grows or it doesn't. But, on other issues he is such an overdoer and a perfectionizer, without leavined with a sense of humor, and he is a disprover, primarily of me! At this point, I just want out, to be decent about it.

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recently went through a list of my jobs extending over the last ten years, and I had 4 positive jobs in a row and then 3 negative jobs in a row. And it's basically just the luck of the draw. But when you have a bad streak, it is hard not to lose your rhythm.

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used to teach math, did not do good with classroom management. Am cranking up to start offering SAT test prep this Fall. What I love about it is that I can start this business small, with one student, then two students. But let's say I have twenty students on a Saturday each paying $65, well, you're suddenly talking some real money!



(the problem I have with jobs is that I take them too seriously, I take them more seriously than the manager or owner! it's a bit hard for me to find that light touch)

That sounds like a highly challenging job. I know with the stagecoach problem if you have 11 stops, you have 11 factorial possible routes! Most are obviously non-optimum. But, in the real world, you have additional complexities such higher priority deliveries that you want to take less chance with, scheduled maintenance, new driver(s), fairly sharing best jobs/worse jobs among seasoned drivers, etc, etc.

I worked in the furniture business, seemingly simple delivery, but when something went wrong the customer wanted me to absolutely promise them straight up and down that nothing would go wrong the second time, and I just couldn't do that. We had no golden fleets of trucks. All we could do was re-schedule it and hope that nothing went wrong the next time. And part of the problem was that customers, being so price oriented, had bid the price down so low there was very little flex for problems or if anything happened. And not that I really blame the customers, I also am price oriented, but that's just part of the real world situation we were facing.

Point is, you have some highly marketable skills, potentially. It's just a really rough economy out there. Sometime we here at WrongPlanet could talk about what a 10% unemployment rate really means. But just keep at it, something will break. And just think how good it will be when you get a boss who is a halfway reasonable individual!

I would be very angry, too. Okay, first off, they did it wrong, they offered "help" with all these strings attached. It's like lending money to a friend. The right way is to think of it as a gift. 'Just pay it forward. I'm just happy I'm in a position where I'm able to help. Just pay it forward, maybe to me, maybe to someone else. I mean, karma is a big wheel afterall.'

And then, yeah, it seemed like they moved awfully quick on the foreclosing, didn't agonize over it, didnt' wrestle with it, didn't try to find another way. I would also be very angry. I think most people would be angry. Okay, maybe an opening is zen like compassion. Beliefs about boot-strap-ism, and being able to find a job "if you really want it bad enough" (in the face of 10% unemployment!) are in such wide currency that people do end up believing them. I mean, we could all have well typeset resumes, with the proper phraseology and the proper action verbs, and on the proper ivory linen or light gray 'glacial' 20% cotton, or whatever the latest trendiest thing is, and there still wouldn't be enough jobs! But people hear variants of 'individual effort' so many times, that I guess they can't help but . . . It is frustrating, it is a struggle. It is a process with both progress and sliding back, and a lot of sideways stuff where you're not sure whether it's progress or not. Your parents definitely sound like they have some issues, I'll say that.

And the part about having a younger brother your parents put up for adoption, Wow! They should have told you earlier. Yes, it is a gift, but it has to be a gift according to your own personal timetable. You cannot productively hurry this process. Maybe you'll have things in common with this person who up to this point has been a stranger. And maybe you really won't. And either way is perfectly okay.

+100 on compensation, the scumbags owe you.

I worked at a resteraunt for 9 years almost a decade lost to idiots who tormented me daily. I tried to put out resumes and applications but failed every interview. The constant torment brought out the worst in me I got into fights with complete strangers and I spit in unattended drinks of my evil co-workers I am ashamed to say. I'd have to say that job made my Aspergers worse made mistrudt people even more.

Last year, I started a website The Survivors of Workplace Abuse (The SWAP) after much soul-searching. My goal for the site was to help myself and others find Hope for Survival and Freedom from the ill-effects of workplace abuse.

The Guiding Principles
Survival. Unity. Faith. Service. Freedom.

The Guiding Principles are the foundation for living The Twelve Steps - as originated by Alcoholics Anonymous. Use of the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions was sanctioned by A.A. World Services in September or October 2010.

I got a good start on developing literature based on my experience with the Steps with an adaptation based on the ill-effects of workplace abuse. I believe I had made it up to the Fifth Step, plus I had written a more general overview rlated to workplace abuse covering all twelve of the Steps.

Unfortunately, I got sidetracked by another site that became an obsession as well as a hopeshot! That was when I landed on WrongPlanet!

However, I would like to go back and finish work on the site by posting more PDFs of step work! I would also like to hear the experience, strength, and hope of others! So if anyone here would like to find out more about the site, let me know! Also, anybody who has experience with the Steps and the literature developement process and would like to contribute to the literature.