Aspies in unexpected jobs?

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I do wonder at it. That is why, though I am all for disclosures, they must be done with though to avoid being underestimated.

Tina, I'm not following. What kind of disclosures are you talking about?

Even without direct disclosure, there is the risk of being underestimated because any difficulty understanding e.g. people who don't say what they mean, office politics, that kind of thing is I think associated with generally low ability by many people, or presumed to be pretending for purposes of manipulation.

I see. I worked for eleven years before I let my Board know I have AS--the first employer I've ever had with that knowledge. They put me in a terrible position and I was ready to quit--twice. Since they refused to accept my resignation, I told them I had AS and I couldn't deal with the way they were operating. They changed.

I've learned to run from or avoid situations I can't handle well. It's not always possible though.

Really, any kind. I've only done ones where I discussed specific symptoms. Though I am still planning a full disclosure for fall. Summer is waayyyy too busy at my library workplace for me to do one then.

I had the unfortunate first experience of realizing there was something different at another job, my last one prior to my current job. I sat down with my manager and had the 'I think I have a learning disability or different learning style and want to know how to go about discussing it conversation' and was told flatly 'people don't discuss their problems'. What a way to kill someone's courage! Instead of trying to develop and learn, I spent the next three months trying to hide all of my aspie instincts and being afraid of appearing different.

I got an awesome disclosure template from a friend when I did my symptom based disclosure that did not include a label, and really scored high with that disclosure. It was a good thing. I used a lot of the template because my friend and I have so so many struggles in common.

I have been close to fully disclosing. But something has always held me back, most importantly that my city is really small. For example, my coworker's sister runs the bus depot in town, used by some of us to get around. Others are related to school board folk, the local rotary club, etc. I also don't want to risk having my skills underestimated for the future. But honesty is important to me.

Hi, Tina. I can relate to what your first manager had to say. Texas isn't a touchy-feely type culture at all, and we're expected to keep our personal problems to ourselves. The therapeutic-liberal culture hasn't made the same inroads here as it has elsewhere. And in my case, I didn't know I had AS until I was 46; I always thought I was uniquely weird and deficient.

When I first came to this town, before I had ever heard of AS, I had lots of people wanting me to join this or that. I gave it my best shot, but just didn't fit in, and after a while the invitations ceased.

Now, because of my special abilities, and being very good at what I do, most people accept me, but now from a distance, which is fine by me. I've found that with my knowledge, ability to reason, and my aspie sense of literalness that I've come to celebrate, that I tend to intimidate people--though not physically; I'm hardly a bully.

When I was trying to find out what was wrong with me back in the early nineties, my psychiatrist became completely exasperated with me and told me I use my intellect to intimidate people, and thus keep them away. She also told me that she couldn't help me if I wasn't willing to open up to her. I didn't know what she meant then, and still don't. But I quit seeing her, as she did me more harm than good. She may be right that I use intellectual intimidation to keep people away though. Live and learn....

In any case, it's nice to be liked, but I have to settle with being respected. Since the town I work in is very small as well, I'm sure when I made it known that I'm autistic that the news traveled quickly, and I didn't have to spread it, which is the best way I could see to make this fact known in our non-therapeutic, macho culture. This was my form of disclosure since there isn't any need for others to think that I'm intentionally trying to be a jerk or otherwise difficult. While I realize I will never be popular, I don't want to be hated either.

You said your mother came to visit after recovering from a severe indisposition. How did your visit go?

I'm still wondering, since it seems to me that many times for someone who is on the spectrum, being exceptionally able is related to the ways found to use autistic traits, how it is that neurotypicals may admire and make use of the abilities, yet be harsh and negative with direct disclosure of any touchy feely or diagnostic labels as well as over atypical behaviors that are not labeled, but are apparent to them.

I have also noticed that some of the harshest individuals are themselves pretty atypical in the ways they perceive and respond to the the world.

Waterfalls, I think you make some very valid observations. The accepted narrative, at least in secular/evolutionary circles, is that all life on this earth exists because it has been able to adapt to a harsh and uncaring environment--an environment that couldn't care less if we survive or not. And aspies are certainly no different. I think, like everybody else, we use our strengths to survive, and hopefully thrive, in our environment. I'm talking about what the great ontologist Martin Heidegger called a state of "thrownness", as in the Doors song line from Riders On The Storm--into this world we're thrown, like a dog without a bone. I'm talking about the common-sense view that we use our strengths and try to compensate for our weaknesses, whatever they may be.

As for those who persecute us, again, I've found they tend to be the unfortunates on the wrong side of the Bell Curve, and their adaptive strategy is to try to bully their way through a world that is way beyond their ability to understand; they act out of fear. So, I feel sorry for them, but at the same time I assiduously avoid them.

I've been told that my worldview is analytical and unfeeling to the point of being reptilian, but again, it's my survival strategy, and one that has been very good to me. Of course, we're all different. We all have to develop our own survival strategies, and that begins with a realistic assessment of both our strengths and limitations.

Never thought about it that way. In order to avoid them, though, it would seem to be necessary to understand that mentality where people bully well enough to quickly recognize bullying and persecution when they are occurring. And some individuals are remarkable in their ability to disguise what they are doing so it takes considerable attention to figure out.

I would think avoidance to be a very good survival strategy if one can make it work.

Last edited by Waterfalls on 01 Jul 2013, 3:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Actually, as an aspie I'm not good are "reading" people, even though I do better than what I used to. One thing I've learned to appreciate is when people are rude, abrasive, or aggressive right up front. Perhaps perversely, I appreciate that because it lets me know exactly what kind of person I'm dealing with right up front. Since I understand you're an "NT", I would think you would have an easier time with such things....

No, I don't always realize when I am being bullied until someone else reacts to it.

Just out of curiosity, do you have a child who is autistic?

Aspergers for child. Suspect also mother, and an uncle seem to have Aspergers.

The reason I'm asking is that while both of my parents are dead, I suspect both of my parents had AS, though not as severely as me; as well as my siblings, though again not nearly as severely as me.

Actually, the worst bullying I ever received came from my own family, and we've been estranged for years as a result. I'm always glad when that's not the case with other families.