Co-worker harassing/threatening me, tell a manager ASAP?

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It's almost been resolved. I'll update on the details.

Last edited by PonderRosa on 09 Mar 2011, 12:07 am, edited 2 times in total.

Sounds like you work at a Wal-Mart.

My 2 cents, if you feel harassed, tell someone.

It can all be misinterpretation of intentions, but I've been talked to many times for "offending" someone when no offense was intended. What is sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander. If we could be written up or fired for our actions and how they unintentionally impact others, then our feelings should be equally respected.

Don't accuse of things you can't prove, but just state what has happened and how it makes you feel. If this guy is a bully, he's going to play whatever cards he can dig up to make it sound like you are the problem, so this is going to come to a head sooner or later. If he's not a bully, having someone higher up get involved and head the problem off early can solve a lot of headaches.

Keep us posted. I'm a fan of justice, so hoping for a happy ending here.

Since Monday, I told my senior co-worker everything else that happened. He told my manager, who told another manager, who spoke with the co-worker about it. On Thursday, my senior co-worker told me that it was taken care of. I saw the co-worker who harassed me and looked at him with resentment, then continued to work.

Today, I went in, in a good mood, until I saw the manager who handled the issue and spoke to him, and that was when he dropped a bombshell about a previous altercation I had with another co-worker. He told me that the current co-worker and I don't have to talk to each other, but just cooperate when working, or else I bring this up to HR so that we can tell our sides of the story. But the thing is, he said it would be unwise to bring it to HR since I already had the issue with the other co-worker a while back. I didn't think about it much at the time and told him I would cooperate with him. But later on, I wondered why he brought up the other co-worker. Why would I have to worry about her when facing HR? I thought I wasn't in trouble from that?

So whatever.

Sounds to me like the co-worker you reported got some dirt on you and used it to back up his side of the story. It doesn't stop them from telling him to keep his distance, but it puts your "victim" status into question. Avoid that other co-worker as well for good measure.

Frankly, avoid both co-workers. The sad part is that having AS, there is no guarantee another misunderstanding couldn't result in an "altercation" can make you look like the bad guy.

Do they know you have AS? Are you formally diagnosed?

He didn't pull up any dirt on me. What happened was that the same manager also dealt with me and the other co-worker, so he brought it up to tell me that calling HR would be a bad idea since basically, the other co-worker did indeed call HR on me after all, and then HR would see that and it would make me look bad.

To keep it simple, during the holiday season, I called the other co-worker by the wrong name. She said, "My name is not M_____. I was the one who introduced myself to you, so..." "I can't remember everyone's name" "Ohhh it's okay..." and walked away. That's when I felt mistreated. I confronted her later, told her that I didn't like the way I was treated and for her not to talk to me that way again. She mocked my stuttering while I was talking to her. She said, "Well I don't have to talk to you" and then walked away again. Then I said, "Fine, be a b***h". A huge mistake. She called on the same manager who had a talk with the co-worker. I later explained and he said she probably won't file a complaint.

I'm not formally diagnosed, nor am I sure that I actually have it. I think it would be a bad idea for them and future employers to believe I have AS. Doesn't a diagnosis hinder job prospects and, work-wise, wouldn't that affect me in a negative way, like letting them confirm their beliefs that my awkwardness or poor social skills is grounds for them to demote me to the front lanes, or worse? I pride myself in working at the Customer Service area, and I don't want a confirmation of my autistic characteristics to let them decide and give them reasons to put me in some undesirable areas.

From what you have read so far, do you think I might possibly have AS?

I'm not sure whether you have AS or not. I presume that by your posting on this site, you either are diagnosed or strongly believe you have AS but can't get diagnosed for any number of reasons.

A formal diagnosis is a double-edged sword. If I had one, I would be hesitant to use it until I thought it was my best option to either protect what I have or attain something I believe I'm being denied solely because I'm being discriminated against. If you got a formal diagnosis without involving insurance companies for payment, your diagnosis would be between you and the doctor.

If you have a formal diagnosis, being demoted could open an employer to liability unless they can prove that you can't do the job because of your disability...in spite of reasonable accommodations. Without that formal diagnosis, employers don't have to do squat because you can't prove you are disabled.

It sounds like the manager was trying to smooth things over without getting HR involved...maybe because if HR gets involved it makes him/her look bad for not resolving the matter on his/her own.

In any case, you are going to have to avoid confrontations with other co-workers....at least for a time so it's clear it isn't a common situation with you. I don't know how much time passed between these two incidents, but anyone can have an issue with a co-worker without being a bad person. It's when it happens regularly they know who likely is to blame.

Could it have to do with the fact that, the more issues you end up having with different co-workers, the more it casts a bad light on you? Say you wind up having an issue with a third co-worker. By that point, they're going to decide that you are the troublemaker, and not those three people.

That could be true, but what's also true is that the second issue was started by him, not me. I never approached him at all and he instigated everything. I could have ignored all his harassment but he threatened me, which is not a good thing. The first, that was sorta started by her, but I should have just ignored her provocations. What if the other two have histories too, and not just me? You would have to take that into account. A co-worker of mine already told me he had run-ins with those two. The problem is, I don't know if they were complained about since they might be good at starting s**t without getting written up.

I could repost what I removed, but that would be a wall of text that you probably don't have the patience to read. Let's just say that I listen to your implication that I ignore provocations from anyone, even if it borderlines threatening me. Wouldn't they win that way? So my managers don't want me to rock the boat since complaining about co-workers would mean that I can't get along with their harassment, or what is perceived as harassment? I don't know if I can tolerate a buildup of ongoing harassment. The first one had harassed me since Black Friday, so I wasn't being a troublemaker. He troubled me many, many times.

I'll keep my mouth shut, I guess. Maybe everyone else ignores it, but I don't know how else they deal with these things.

I worked 9 years in a resteraunt where my fellow employees treated me like s**t the entire time. The boss and assisstant managers would see it happen and did not care. Good luck. They don't care about austistic people or anyone with differences.

Workplace hassles are a double-edge sword. For people with AS, we have it worse because we aren't skilled at resolving them quietly.

Time and time again, I find the following to be true....

1. Bullies know how to "work" the system to their advantage.
2. Most management types are spineless idiots who take whatever option is easier rather than do what's right.
3. #1 and #2 above often means it's easier to fire the victim as the focal point of the hassle than to make the bullies behave.

Even if your issues with these people isn't so much about them bullying you but misunderstandings because your potential Autism gets in the way, it's easier for management to fire you rather than educate all the other workers to be more understanding. It's the curse of being "mild" on the spectrum. Go into a work environment with someone with an obvious disability, and there isn't much tolerance for being mean to them. Go into an environment with that "weird guy" and people ragging on him is perfectly acceptable.

The treat of litigation can make and employer do the right thing, but in the end, it also brands you as a litigation risk, and without trying to sound racist, only blacks, Hispanics, Muslims, etc. seem to get away with being litigious but not have it hold them back from opportunity. Women enjoy some degree of immunity, but if you're white and male, being litigious is a sure way to never get ahead in life. White females...not so much. Minorities, it's like having a golden ticket because, for some reason, everyone presumes when a minority says they were discriminated against or harassed in the workplace, it happened...regardless of what proof is offered.

BTW, is this the same Naoto from Persona 4? Shoji Meguro's OST in that game was amazing. P4's soundtrack is one of the albums I listen to to pump myself up for work.

Yes it is. Honestly, I think Nocturne was Meguro's best work, but I like P4's soundtrack as well.

I have Nocturne, but haven't gotten a chance to play it, yet have heard a plethora of good things about it.

@zer0netgain and Todesking: And about being a minority, so are they. I think the girls at Customer Service think I'm weird but tolerable since they don't really attempt to make conversation with me, but don't really treat me like s**t in front of me. They just act aloof around me but talk to each other. Everyone else minds their own business and I say hi to them, and they're genial to me. One co-worker from the computer repair area today even bought me water, so I'm doing something right. What things do y'all do that would make them think you're lower than them?

OK, so I came into work today and found myself in a very good mood, with much thanks to a few listens to Klaxons' Myths of the Near Future. I felt like I was doing a productive job answering phone calls about iPad 2 pre-orders, getting the iPad 2s ready for the customers to pick up, and placing holds on products people want, making jokes with another manager about customers, and actually having a good time with the grumpy manager I seem to dump all the trouble on from those co-workers I typed about. I hope this keeps up since they seem to notice that I do a good job. I also seem to notice that I might be too serious all the time, and the small talk doesn't help either, and that's probably why my fellow employees don't really approach me as much since I fail to maintain a conversation or stay quiet around them. I joke around a bit and have conversations with my "another" manager a lot, and it seems to work since he is the manager I have the most rapport with. The thing is, I don't joke around much since I'm afraid I might say the wrong thing and add another tally to the "troublemaking" that seems to gravitate toward me. People, more so guys, seem to like to make fun of each other to be more comfortable around each other. Since I seem uptight and serious and considerate, they seem to walk on eggshells around me and act serious back. I really don't know how to build rapport with people so easily! It's hard to know when to be funny.

Oh yeah, and when I left work, I ran into the co-worker as I was heading toward my car. He didn't look at me and just headed toward the store.

Can you tell where I work now?