Friends in the work place

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Hi,
I wanted to get everyone's feedback about making friends in a work environment and whether or not that is such a good idea.

Please list your potential reservations for pursuing said goal.

The main reason is that I have had a few people at the work place who I have had as friends for the last three years. Unfortunately, both of them fell through on me after they and I had tried to take things outside of the boundaries of work.

Some people are isolated like that.
I knew a few friendly people in previous jobs but after a month or so of switching positions, the interactions/communication really simply falls away.

Do you regard some individuals in at least a 'friendly' light, but would be hesitant to extend an open invitation to come to your home, etc?

Edit:
Not them specifically, but anyone whatsoever that you would work with.

No, I had no problem with inviting them over.

I tried to do it once in one of my jobs. I wanted to get myself involved socially with people from work and at first it was ok and I enjoyed it but as time went by I just got very confused about it all and I suffered a bad overload.

Well,

I am a successful accountant (CPA) and I have held many positions for over 5 years. You have to set up boundaries and shields. To be fair, my biggest problem is I have more degrees and certifications than anyone in my company or previous companies which makes many jealous. Aspies are very smart what can I say?

B

I am someone who is very different from most people I work with and I am a female.

1. I am someone who can be a little too honest and opinionated
2. The girl who had trouble connecting
3. I am the geek going to college in her early 30's and I have different tastes than most of my employees
4. I am the girl who digs sci fi

I also cook different and enjoy different types of foods that my other employees don't know why. ]

In my own opinion, I have found that making connections with people outside of the work environment can be stressing. Although they were not bad people, the situations turned out awkward in the end.

Thanks for sharing...

In the past when I worked in some offices we had a group that went out to lunch together on Fridays. I have always found being social very difficult and I can relate to your #1 point very well. What is very sad is that we spend so much time at work there really isn't much time to be social outside of work.

And from your point #3 it appears you work and go to college so your plate is doubly full.

I never dated anyone where I worked. I also never had any of them over for dinner or any social event. Most places don't like dating in the workplace, because if you breakup you still have to work together. And most places frown upon Supervisors dating staff.

Now just being social or doing something with other girls (Same Sex) is fine. For me say attending a Sporting Event with the guys would be considered fine. But I hate Sports which is another issue.

What are you looking for? Just friendship? An examples that lead to stressful relationships outside of work?

What does this mean? "The main reason is that I have had a few people at the work place who I have had as friends for the last three years. Unfortunately, both of them fell through on me after they and I had tried to take things outside of the boundaries of work."

Male or Female? How did they fall through? Work friendship ended and they put up a wall because you invited them over to your place?

Thanks for sharing. I think we can all learn much here from you.

B

These were females and I was looking for friends in general who I could associate with outside of work once in a while. However, I am beginning to discover that while some of these people are good, things were getting a little too personal.

I think it depends on whether or not you can have any comfortable social contacts with them at work. If they bore you, hate you, or otherwise don't connect with you at work, trying to socialize with them outside work is unlikely to work out. Lots of times too people feel their connection is the work, so if you or they go to a new department or company they fade away. I call my current coworkers "the gang of shallow" because there's nothing worthwhile in any of them. So I avoid socializing with them even when they do invite me. Other jobs, though, I found a few friends among some folks who have some intelligence. It just depends.

One of them was just two-faced and shallow and acted like they liked me when that wasn't the case. The other one was a good person it was just that they could get too nosy.

When I worked in an office I was friendly with a few people (I wouldn't call them 'friends'), and one day I was wearing earphones and my manager was on the phone to a friend of hers. I heard her say "I wouldn't want to socialise with anyone here outside of work" - she thought I couldn't hear her.

That put me off wanting to develop a friendship in the office, as she was lovely to your face and shared common interests but didn't want to be 'friends'. Made me wonder what was so wrong with me ... and everyone else.