How can I present myself as NOT OVERLY-confident?
Campin_Cat
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I think I might have a problem with coming-off as OVERLY-confident, during job interviews, and seeming like one who's too-big-for-their-britches, or arrogant. Any suggestions on how to NOT do this? I mean, where's the line between "confident", and "overly-confident"?
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White female; age 59; diagnosed Aspie.
I use caps for emphasis----I'm NOT angry or shouting. I use caps like others use italics, underline, or bold.
"What we know is a drop; what we don't know, is an ocean." (Sir Isaac Newton)
btbnnyr
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Campin_Cat
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Age: 64
Gender: Female
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Location: Baltimore, Maryland, U.S.A.
Hi, btbnnyr----nice to see you!!
Well, here's the thing..... I don't know, for-a-FACT, that I'm being "overly-confident", on an interview----I'm just trying to think about, like, the "biggest" (most obvious) thing an interviewer might find distasteful, about me. Normally, on a day-to-day basis, I don't CARE what someone thinks of me----but, I've got an upcoming interview (don't know the date, yet----they just said I was gonna have one) on a really super-duper, EXTREMELY fabulous job (it's a teaching position [adults]), and I'm just trying to think of everything, to make it successful.
I was hoping, maybe, people could tell me: "Do this----don't do that"----meaning, "this is something that looks confident" / "this is something that looks OVERLY confident"----thus, can be construed as arrogant, or something like that.
I do everything I know to do, when preparing for an interview----tour the website, prepare answers to the most common questions (I researched on the Web, for these); have prepared questions to ask them about their company (for, at the time when they ask "Is there anything you want to know about US?").....
I get called for interviews----and, I even think they go, well----but, something is keeping me from getting a "proper job"; so, the only thing left, I feel, is that it must be something they don't like about my personality, or whatever----well, besides the fact that I'm too old, probably. Usually, though, age would be a factor, I THINK, if they could hire someone younger / less-experienced / less-educated, or whatever----but, *I* didn't set the salary, THEY did!!
I came-up with the idea that "it" (the thing that interviewers don't like about me) was being overly-confident, because I remembered that people have told me, a few times, in person, that I can come-across as arrogant, sometimes----so, I was thinking that "overly-confident" = arrogant, when at an interview.....?
I dunno.....
_________________
White female; age 59; diagnosed Aspie.
I use caps for emphasis----I'm NOT angry or shouting. I use caps like others use italics, underline, or bold.
"What we know is a drop; what we don't know, is an ocean." (Sir Isaac Newton)
I know everyone is different, but simply stating facts and examples works for me.
Sometimes if they ask me something like
"Are you able to perform [whatever task]"
To which I reply "Yes I can, I have experience with that" instead of something like "Oh yeah! Of course I can" to embellish a simple yes answer.
I guess my suggestion would be to not exaggerate any of your responses.
Good luck on the job!
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-Diagnosed Asperger's
If someone asks me a question, say, about my background, I try to give relatively concise responses. I try to stick to the point as much as possible.
I try not to expound TOO MUCH. I used to "expound" all the time; I was rejected in these instances.
Expounding too much causes you to leave the impression that you "talk too much," and that you are somewhat of a "know-it-all." I don't think that way about you. I just think you have lots to say.
You have an efflorescent way about you. You have a personality. You seem "larger than life." Some employers like that--some HATE that.
I would just seek to keep things, overall, in a moderate tone.
btbnnyr
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Can you give eggsamples of what you say to people around you or how you say things that make some of them view you as arrogant?
What would you answer to some interview questions from the past when they asked about your abilities or qualifications?
Maybe I could help dissect to see if it comes off a certain way.
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Campin_Cat
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Thanks, everybody, for responding!!
Yeah, see, that's the thing----I don't know when to shut-up!! LOL I'm thinking it's an Aspie thing, maybe----we want, so badly, to be understood, that we just keep talking, and talking, and talking (about our interests, for instance----and, obviously, teaching is an interest of mine); but, that's no excuse and I've gotta learn, better.
I've come-up with a mantra, that I just keep repeating over and over and over, in my head: "Don't answer more than they ask", "Don't answer more than they ask", "Don't answer more than they ask"----I hope that works!! With my luck, I'll OVER-correct, and answer "Yes" / "No", in some creepy, monotone voice! LOL Hopefully not, though----because I'm aware that that COULD happen.
What would you answer to some interview questions from the past when they asked about your abilities or qualifications?
Maybe I could help dissect to see if it comes off a certain way.
As for saying things to people, in person, that made them say I was arrogant.....
I've said: "Oh, yeah----I've done that, before". I was letting them know, that I could relate to what they were saying, to me (for instance, if they locked their keys in the car), and to not feel badly about it, cuz someone else had made that flub, as well----I THOUGHT!! They have said: "You think you know-it-all, don'tcha?", and I was taken aback, cuz I gave them sympathy, I let them know I had made the mistake, etc.----so, I didn't know what else, to do.
The other one that I've done, was on an interview, and I did exactly what yogiB1 said NOT to do----the "Oh, yeah----of COURSE....."----not, necessarily, using those words, but that attitude; cuz I was thinkin' that's how one "sells", themselves.
_________________
White female; age 59; diagnosed Aspie.
I use caps for emphasis----I'm NOT angry or shouting. I use caps like others use italics, underline, or bold.
"What we know is a drop; what we don't know, is an ocean." (Sir Isaac Newton)
Hi Cat!
I didn't think about this with your interview. When I was a manager, I did purposefully hire young people. I didn't want people to come in having too many routines or ideas. I just wanted them to be happy doing their work and not be too lofty. At that time, I looked younger than I was, and I didn't act all that mature (still don't) so I didn't want to have a problem with someone accepting my authority.
Yeah, don't expound on your answers, just answer simply. And stress that you are a team player, want to work well in the system they already have going, etc. I didn't like people telling me scores and scores about their experience. Looking back, I see that was a mistake on my part, but I'm trying to put myself in my shoes then, not now.
Cat, I think you have well identified what you need to do differently.
The one I have always had to monitor in myself is 1) knowing when to stop talking, and 2) actually stop talking.
Comedian Ron White has a story about once he was arrested for DUI, saying: "The officer told me I had the right to remain silent. But unfortunately I didn't have the ability."
That can so describe me sometimes.
The way I can sometimes manage it is, during an interview, conversation, or deposition (ugh!), to maintain a sort of out-of body meta awareness of the proceedings, and from that detached vantage point do some self- coaching, telling myself when to shut up. This can work for me unless I get too caught-up in my answer and lose my detached perspective on my own behavior.


