Your boss is not a social worker

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This is something I've been wanting to say for a while, and the recent Wolfpup drama re: the mysterious moving computer terminal has convinced me to go ahead and say it.

I don't want to spend a lot of time on this so this post will be hasty and sloppily composed.

Here goes:

Every once in a while someone will post on the Work boards about some kind of drama they are having on the job. Invariably someone, or several someones, will jump in with the worst possible advice. Sue! Argue! Stand up for your rights!

Let's get something clear:

Your boss is not your social worker.
Your boss is not your friend.
Your boss is not frightened of disability regulations, especially if you are a temp or part time employee.

Your boss is a busy person who is probably managing an office of 10-30 people. He barely has time to do his own job, much less deal with your drama. What your boss wants out of you is work, in return for which he will give you money. This is the extent of your relationship.

The moment you become an annoyance is the moment your boss starts to think about replacing you. If you think that you are protected by disability laws, you are probably wrong. Even if ASers are technically protected by such laws, you may not be, especially if the disability interferes with your duties or you failed to disclose your condition when you were hired.

Even if you are protected by such laws you may not be able to find a lawyer who is willing to take your case.

Even if you can find a lawyer who is willing to take your case, and you win the case, the settlement may not be worth the time and expense of litigation.

I am a little concerned that general attitude of entitlement I find in the Work boards. If you follow the bad advice you are getting there, you may very well lose your job.

The best thing you can do if you feel you are being treated poorly at work is to save money so that you can have a little more freedom to decide when, where and what jobs you will accept should you decide to leave.

Please, please, please for your own sake, don't make trouble at work.

Last edited by beautifulspam on 23 Dec 2007, 5:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Good advice. You need to evaluate your position. I stand up for my rights in a limited sense with a problem co-worker. She is a temp. I am a permanent employee. No one knows how to do what I do, so I am not easily replaceable. Our database is complicated, and I understand it pretty well, so I am not easily replaceable. If you are not in a strong position, don't make waves. If you are, make them when you have to and don't abuse that position.

Obviously, the first advice, try not to be too annoying. Sometimes it is good just not to say anything. If you say, say the facts not your attitude to them.
I agree, we are not entitled. In fact, we keep fighting for being treated as normal.
So expect normal good or bad. Another issue is, even if you win in some case , there is a
high chance that you will never be hired by any other employer in this area. Those victories often work against you.

As far as the ADA is concerned, an employer is required to make reasonable accomodations if someone has a disability. Whether Asperger's would be considered a disability under federal law is another matter.

In practice, a lot of accomodations really don't involve anything that would impose an undue burden.

If an employee had a problem with the computer being moved and simply needed a little sense of order to me I would not see it as any big deal. It costs no more or no less for Wolfpup to use the computer at Point A or 10 feet away at Point B.

A little courtesy goes a long way and perhaps in the long run, whatever slight disadvantage there is in not moving the computer around might be more than made up for by the extra productivity in an orderly and comfortable environment.

The bottom line is that--at least here in the United States--employment is "at-will" in EVERY state except Massachusetts and Montana. That is, with the exception of discrimination, an employer can fire you at any time for any reason. That means that, even if the boss just hates you and your work is excellent, he can fire you. He can fire you if he doesn't like your appearance or shirt. He has no obligation to keep you employed. When you receive an offer letter from a company, in the new hire paperwork, there is almost always a clause that states that "employment at XYZ is at will and is not guaranteed. XYZ Corporation reserves the right to terminate an employment relationship with any employee at any time for any reason. Employees may terminate their employment relationship at any time for any reason." So your boss can fire you whenever he wants for whatever reason.

Even if a person loses his job due to discrimination and/or other "wrongful reasons", due to decisions starting with the Burger Supreme Court and continuing through the Rehnquist and Roberts courts, it has become almost impossible to prove it. The burden of proof in a court is extremely high to show that you were fired for wrongful reasons. And the odds are that no lawyer will take your case and tell you that he cannot help you.

One issue that I have here is that people use AS or their learning disabilities as an excuse for not performing well in their jobs. Frankly I disagree with those excuses. While I do agree that it is harder for some of us to perform in certain social situations we have no other choice but to work around these challenges. Rightly or wrongly the world is not going to pity or give us extra consideration. In the real world it doesn't work like that. If we don't meet the deadline at work at the correct, whether we have a learning disability or social skills challenges or not, no boss is going to care. The boss will only care that we did not meet the deadline.

So you have to realize that the world isn't fair and isn't going to care what excuses you have, even if they are, in your opinion, legitimate.

I've learned this firsthand the hard way in employment and academic settings. Once you become "the one with the problem" in the eyes of an administrator, director, or supervisor, he will never side with you. Instead you will become the "problem" and nothing will go in your favor. You will end up being the one fired or laid off.

In my own life I can think of a job that I had two years ago. From the minute that I walked in the door nothing went right for me. I had the boss from hell and she was a b!tch to me. Nothing that I did went right for me. I ended up working there for about six months. Two months into it, however, I realized that things were not going well. I wanted to believe that things would get better, but they didn't; and I should have realized that. To make a very long story short I didn't take aggressive action soon enough to find another job. Even though I knew that the fix was in I still hoped irrationally that the situation would get better. It didn't and, six months later, my supervisor, her supervisor, and the director HR called me into a meeting later in the afternoon. They told me that "the client hadn't renewed the contract", "it wasn't working out", and it "wasn't a good fit"; and they then suggested that "it would be better off if I sought employment elsewhere."

My regret wasn't to start sending out resumes immediately. I should have been sending resumes out immediately and trying to find another job.

Thank you for saying this. It is something anyone with entitlement issues needs to understand.

I have only been in one job situation where my AS posed a significant issue, but I thought it would be therapeutic to immerse myself in socialization. As it turned out, people in a portrait studio don't want a photographer who makes them feel awkward. Thankfully, I was still in training when my boss and I agreed it would be best if I found employment elsewhere. It wasn't therapeutic, by the way.

I haven't had much trouble in the academic arena, but then, I only tell my professors when I think my sensitivities will pose a problem. I give them solutions that aren't really obtrusive or annoying, and I think that is the reason it works. I'm not obstinate or angry about my problems; I give my superiors the easy way out.

How about I add this in:

Don't expect your boss to throw you a big praise party just for doing your job.

Your boss may not be a social worker but if they're any good at managing they'll want all their staff to be doing as well at their jobs as they possibly can be. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, you may have certain weaknesses because of your aspergers, but other people will have weaknesses too. Lets say that if your employer makes one small change for you, you're going to be great at your job. If your boss has any common sense they'll make that change, rather than go through the hassle of laying you off and finding someone else... and oh guess what they have weaknesses too!! !

My thoughts - don't threaten to sue. Do calmly state that if small allowances can be made for you you think you can do a job really well.

I reckon in real life most of us are doormats. I know I am...

Employees are,

Looking for something to steal,

trying to get away with their sick social games that had them isolated and driven out of everywhere they have ever been,

filling space, and doing the least possible,

or they are seen as troublemakers by the other workers.

They do thier job, and when caught up, look for something else that needs doing.

They have an idea where where the work comes from, and where it goes.

They see what has to get done first, to feed other workers what they need, and what can be put off till the end of day.

They understand how work equals income for the company, and try to make that work.

They see their supervirors as work leaders, not as the complaint and excuse department.

They actually take an interest in where they spend 40 hours a week, and what supports them, like learning what business the company is in, who their suppliers and customers are, and why it exists at all.

They prepare themselves to be able to fill in when their supervisor goes on vacation.

They see their supervisor as another worker, with a supervisor, and on up the chain, and show upward awareness. They support the team.

They do not complain and waste time when given extra work, they get it done.

It is a standard business test, when it all goes to hell, who can you depend on?

Someone is out sick, your supervisor is on vacation, and you have your work. Can you keep it running?

Do you walk out at five, or finish what you are doing, drop it off on it's next stop, and then leave?

Who is going to get the overtime, the next promotion, more training, raises, the 5 O'clockers at the water cooler, or the person who works at work?

Hourly workers are selling only time, and it takes a lot of abuse to get your monies worth out of them.

Saleried workers are given a chance to learn to run a company, and often work 70 hours a week.

When the plant catches fire, the employed go home, those who work there stay all night, and salvage what they can after the fire department leaves, then go home, take a shower, and come back to work.

Work is not a social welfare program run by the government. Half of the Fortune 500 from ten years ago is gone. Companies die. It takes a lot to keep one alive. Markets change, taxes, labor costs, and any little thing can kill an industry.

Gross sales are not profits, sales can always increase, if you are losing money. Most industry works on a 5% profit. A restaurant has to sell $100 to make $5. Every time costs go up, the workers goof off, that $5 can vanish, and no one works for free. Read the bankruptcy listings.

If it works, and the ten year survival rate is very low, the profits are reinvested.

Employing ten runs $500,000 to $1,000,000 a year, for they have to have a place to work, things to work with, and a product/service to sell. It takes some management to see what business you are in, and some to keep the workers in line.

So how do you fit into my world view?

Would you like to tell me about disability rights and Marxist Social Theory?

I agree with you, this far. I think the guy in that thread whining because he can't hide behind his computer screen never interaacting with anyone is ridiculous. People who have jobs need to be willing to earn their keep, work hard, and be someone that contributes to their company's success. But I don't agree with some of your sentiments:




I believe that life is meant to be lived, not spent slaving away in a cubicle or assembly line to improve somebody else's bottom line. Not all employees (even the good ones) can advance and be successful, and time is all we really have in life. I work very hard, but I have never desired to be a manager, a CEO, or anyone else who trades their whole life for a wage. I highly respect the people in these positions, as they have almost always earned them, but I only want to work enough hours a week to make enough money to support myself and the kind of life I want to live. I care about my company's success, but if it goes under, there is always another job. If I miss years of my life, I can never get that back.

You say work is not a social welfare program. Well, I agree. But I also think that people should not miss their children growing up, and work from dawn until well after dark, never getting to live their lives just so a company's stock can go up a tenth of a cent. I will not work 70 or 80 hours a week unless I love what I do and I feel that using that much of my time is worth every penny I am earning. Why can't we strike a happy medium? Some employees do as little as possible to make their 40 hour paycheck, it's true. But I'd say many more EMPLOYERS expect their employees to give up their spouses, their children, and their health for the benefit of a business.

On your deathbed, do you really think you will wish you had spent more time at work? Or will you remember and regret the countries you didn't visit, the sunsets you didn't see, the experiences you didn't live, and the lost time with your family? Of course, if you are successful, you can leave your hard earned money to them when you die, but I'm sure they would have rather have spent the time with you instead.

It's obvious that Australia has a much more civilised attitude towards worker's rights than the US. Unfortunately for us, our governments tend to copy whatever is going on in the USA.

Having an hourly pay rate is the fairest way there is. Some of us HAVE to leave at a particular time as this is when the last bus leaves ie. we don't all own cars. I was nearly raped one time I walked home in the dark so it's something I don't want to do again. No job is worth getting raped or mugged over or nearly raped or mugged.

Family is more important than working long hours. Spending time with the kids is more important than raking in pots of money. Listen really closely to the words of the song "Cat's In The Cradle" and you will see what I mean.

I take it that you other people are either borderline Aspies or NTs. Empathy might not be your strong point. I'm very high functioning in some areas but have quite significant sensory issues which I can't turn on and off like a tap. I also have a need for some order. This is not being difficult - this is being ASPIE!

If you can't/won't be supportive of people who are having trouble in the workplace, what is the good of posting here and discouraging them even more? You'd be doing them and us and favour by taking your own advice and not making waves.

I for one think it's a good thing that people offer opposing viewpoints, as long as it's done tastefully.

Do you need to be an enabler to be supportive? Some people just don't realize how the "real" world works and need it explained to them. Some people need to be reminded to work on their weaknesses, rather than hide from the world or use them as an excuse. That's not to say their points are invalid, but enabling them to hide from the world may not be the right kind of support. I could be wrong, it's been known to happen.

It depends on the employment climate too, It is different here in Oz, yeah making waves will get you seen as a problem and gotten rid off, but we currently have a labour shortage here, unemployment is like 3% and that means they are struggling to get any one to fill their jobs so they'll put up with more and offer more.

It was different when I was young and in the workforce, it was mostly 7-10% unemployment and that's a climate in which you will be gotten rid off for almost any reason. They can always get someone else in that sort of scenario.

I put up with crap service and work from people because there really isn't the competition for jobs here (I'm in a country town too), you're lucky if there's one or two tradesmen or whatever who do the kind of work you want, let alone that they're competent. Yikes! It makes high unemployment look good, sort of.

I am supportive and sympathetic of people who are uncomfortable at work. There are some people with AS who simply cannot function in a workplace and they collect disability. I understand this, and don't think they're lazy or unreasonable. I hope they get as many accommodations as they need. I'm often very uncomfortable at work, sometimes even miserable. Yet I go, and don't hide from people, and don't expect to not do my job. After all, I signed on for it, they pay me to do what I was hired for. The issue is not the difficulty the person with AS has in the workplace. We're all well aware that you cannot turn AS on and off with a lightswitch. But I do believe that most aspects of AS have a "dimmer switch", where you can turn down the intensity of the discomfort you feel if you become more accustomed to doing certain social things.

The real issue is how harmful it is for people with AS to expect the world to change for them. People with AS must be willing to grow and develop as people, regardless of their problems. Do we just let people who get into car accidents languish in a bed because getting them to the point where they can walk again is painful and miserable? No, they suffer through the pain and recover as much as they are able. But if they never end up walking again, it's of course not their fault. I don't see how AS is different. Yes, we only have a certain amount of tolerance and functionality, but you CAN improve. I will never accept people just lying down and not making an effort to do what they can to improve as people. That person in the other thread will never become more comfortable at work if they don't push themselves out of their comfort zone a little bit.

I do what I am told at work, even when it makes me uncomfortable or even panicky. And do you know what happened? I didn't die. My tolerance for new things and situations actually INCREASED. I used to be so bad that I could not have a conversation with anyone without stuttering and blushing. Something as simple as going to the store for a loaf of bread was completely intolerable due to all the people, noise, and excitement. Every day at work was a torment, but the bills had to be paid. So I went, and I stuck it out, and I lived through it. I encourage you all to do the same. I don't do things that will not help me improve and will only make me miserable - we all have limitations! But why not encourage each other to try to push our boundaries instead of cement them?

I agree with what Stewie said about enabling. It is very easy for boards like this to become a source of enabling people to not try their best. I am not interested in turning every thread into a pity party because I do not believe that this is what a "support" forum is for - making waves or not.

Honestly it has to be a balance. I guess that the point that I am saying is that, ultimately, the world's not fair. The bottom line is that bosses aren't going to coddle employees with learning disabilities or social skills problem. The boss's only real concern is meeting the company's goals and ensuring that the employees are productive. By and large most bosses could care less about employees and their personal problems. That's just how the world woks.