my coworker turned evil

Post Reply New Topic

I have been team teaching for a year in a Sunday school program with a woman, quite a bit younger than I am (I'm middle-aged, with recently diagnosed AS); she's a psychologist who the program brought in to work with "special needs" kids. We worked fine together last year with me as the lead teacher--or so I thought. I recently returned from a conference where we roomed together. We got into an argument because I misread a social cue. I thought she wanted to invite me for coffee, and she merely wanted me to watch her stuff while she went for coffee with a friend. Anyway, things deteriorated over a period of several hours, and when we rode back together, she became quite cruel and abusive. I felt manipulated, humiliated, and tortured psychologically. She hammered me with a litany of complaints, and when I tried to express my concerns about her behavior, she twisted them into further accusations against me. She knows I have AS: I strongly suspect she has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (among other things, she comes late to class and refuses to do administrative work because she's "so busy" with her day job--like we aren't--and she doesn't think rules apply to her). I'm concerned about teaching with this narcissist this year because she will continue to victimize me, but I'm also concerned because she's a PSYCHOLOGIST and she's working with AS children who, as children, are even more vulnerable than I am. So any advice on how I should handle her and what I should tell my supervisor would be greatly appreciated. I expect my supervisor to be well disposed to me because I wrote the curriculum, but I need to approach this in the right way.

yes, it sounds like the sociopath/narcissist to me. Very hard to deal with these people since they only care about getting what they want, and they're often 'charming'. you should also see a lack of remorse, a callousness, an inability to see anything they do as 'wrong'. I think you can only cut the ties with them, but they often hang on like 'grim death'. They're very accomplished 'actors' so be careful. Don't try and reason with them or argue, as they're very accomplished with language and debate. They usually use guilt or pity (yours) as 'levers', so be pitiless and guiltless around them. They rarely do any work, just manipulate others to do their work for them. It's a game to them. They like easy prey so it's not surprising to find them around vulnerable people.

I guess approaching your supervisor is the way to go, but these people are very cluey about authority figures and she may have already 'cultivated' the supervisor. In time all their machinations become obvious and everyone gets fed up with them, but they can wreak a lot of havoc in the meantime. I don't think I've been much help, good luck!

Oh dear, oh dear. And in a SS program as well. I think you will need to separate from her. I guess you can ask your supervisor which of you will remain in that position, but I don't know how you can phrase that without it being an ultimatum. But the supervisor definately needs to know about your concerns. And of course, you need to be open to correction as well. It may be that for a season you work in another part of the church structure. Yet it sounds as if you have the gift of writing and exposition to bless children.
It would be good if someone could mentor that woman or move her to a less dangerous for children place, but unfortunately that's not something we ASers can do. Or at least it's beyond my capacity.