Aspie or ASD

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My son is 13 years old and still to get a diagnosis, some say he is Aspie others say he is possibly ADD or DAMP (Deficit in Attention Motor and Perception). I just worry myself sick about him, as a family we seem to be falling apart, my eldest son aged 19 has just resigned from his job because he couldn't cope and he is about to be assessed for ADHD. I just thought if I could post on here about my youngest son it would help.

L has hardly been in school this school year he refuses to go despite applying every different tactic we can think of. He can't organise himself at all and says why go to school for 6 hours when you only get 5 minutes worth of education. He refuses any help thats offered because he just wants to fit in.

Up to the age of 11 we had no problems with him at all, he went on school and cub holidays and would stay for any after school event (it was a small school and only 15 kids in his class), I used to get called into see his teacher occasionally because he'd been acting silly and disrupting the rest of the class, and his silliness really annoyed some of the teachers. When he came home from school he was happy to watch TV or have a friend back to play. The only thing that I would say was different was when he was excited he would shout out random words or sentences (usually something from the Simpsons)

When he started high school boy did it change, he said he didn't have any friends there and wanted to change schools, then he was getting detentions all the time especially in maths lessons, I took him to see our GP because the saying things was becoming worse and my older son has vocal tics when stressed so thought it could be something similar.

L was referred to a child psychiatrist who said he had very low self esteem and confidence and a mild ASD. I asked if he could have ADD because he loses stuff all the time and seems to find it impossible to start any work at all, his books are scruffy and his writing is illegible, the psych observed him in school in one lesson and said he was engaged in the lesson so couldn't possibly be ADD. I printed stuff off the internet which explained that ADD was much more about the output stage of learning and she just turned up her nose at it.

L became more and more depressed and is currently taking anti depressants, he can't get to sleep at night then sleeps like he is dead and can't wake up in the mornings. It doesn't bother him if he stays in all day, but if a friend calls for him he'll go out but he never initiates anything someone always has to phone or call for him.

L's only obsession is his PC, loves playing World of Warcraft and watching videos on YouTube. He has a wacky sense of humour which can be a bit overbearing sometimes, the only TV he ever watches is comedy. He loves Ricky Gervais and sarcastic wit.

We have had a couple of violent outbursts when we first started seeing the psych and I think L is still very much in denial about accepting that he isn't NT, despite me telling him that I love him to bits and am very proud of his intelligence and musical ability (he has just started playing the guitar), I have pointed out that all the achievers in this world aren't Mr and Mrs Average and I think I am really lucky to have two very intelligent sons (L had an Educational Psychologist assess him and he came out with an academic age of 18 Years +.

I need to know how to get him back on track, I have asked for home tuition for a while but was denied it because Psych said it wouldn't be good for him, he needs to be in school. Anything I say to him doesn't seem to count after all what do I know - I'm just his Mum.

I am a 44 year old aspie mother of an 8 year old boy with some ASDs. We homeschool.

From my own experience as an intelligent child, who only dared/managed to articulate to my parents on one occasion my desperate desire to stop school, also aged about 13, which my parents refused, I completely agree with your son about the mindnumbing waste of time.

Have you considered homeschooling? This needn't be structured lessons at all, but just keeping up to scratch on basic skills and seeing what interests he develops with more time to find out on his own, even if in the near future this just looks like hours on games. Negotiate hours for that perhaps, so that some of the time he has to think what else to do.

Losing stuff, messy writing, etc, can also be explained as signs of complete disinterest and lack of motivation. And I totally sympathise with it.


I think he sounds like a very intelligent and interesting and funny guy who is expressing himself as clearly as he is able to, seeing the taboo there is generally about criticising school.
Are you or a parent at home in the day? Would homeschooling be possible? You don't have to be qualified. And there are more and more homeschoolers around to get together with, and exchange advice/ideas etc.
Good luck. Best wishes with whatever you decide with him.

PS: rachel46, ( on here/wp ), took her son out of school 2 years ago, when he was 9/10, and may have some good advice about the transition; see thread "A Day in the Life of a Homeschooler".

Last edited by ouinon on 25 Mar 2008, 12:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Home-schooling seems like a good option for your child. Seeing as he enjoys doing things on the computer, you would have a chance to tailor his curriculum to his interests and use the copious resources available on the internet.

getting him back on track can be difficult. once he's of the mindset that something is impossible or ridiculous, if he's like my son, well that's just the end of that....any further conversations trying to cajole son into doing something or trying something have to be tabled until he brings it up again...............***sigh***

some options that you might consider: 1. what about a smaller school ? ....you said that he flourished in the school with only 15 kids. maybe the larger school is too anxiety-provoking............2. what about having someone else talk to him about career goals ?.....a school guidance counselor perhaps. the counselor could talk to him about what schooling he needs in order to accomplish his goal. even if his goal is to work at the corner store, the counselor should be able to convince him that he needs to get a high school diploma at the very least. ......................

Hi and welcome!
It sounds like your family is under a lot of pressure at the moment. Hang in there, girl!

I'm the mother of a nine-year old with HFA and ADHD, and have had my share of ups and downs! .

There is a great overlap between ADD and Asperger's - The AS diagnosis is "more roomy" - can encompass ADD symptoms AND problems with communication/social skills. Often dual idagnosises are thought to be double dutch. At my son's school for kids with AS, there are also kids with ADHD only, as they profit from much the same teaching style as Aspies.

When will your son be officially diagnosed? In my experience, it can be quite a relief, because it opens up a whole new understanding, and a box of tools for helping.

What are the arguements for keeping your son in school? Do you feel the person who gave you the advice is competent, and what extra help will be offered when your son gets a diagnosis?
My son was out of school last year, and it made him really depressed. He worked really hard to get back, profitting from the break, but never wanting to be ept from school. So I think different kids need different solutions, and sometimes getting help at school makes it bearable.
What is it that bothers your son about school? Getting into trouble, being bored because the work is too easy, problems with the other kids? Could issues like this be dealt with one by one; to make every day life more tolerable?

Some useful tips from everyone, I think it would be really useful if someone else like a school careers person or similar would talk to him and fire up his enthusiasm, he doesn't take much notice of me because mums always say nice things anyway - according to him. L is against being home schooled sometimes when he is anxious about school he says he will have home tuition for a while but then backs out. He would miss the other kids.

The other problem we have is his general lack of interest in anything, he loves music and we got tickets for him and a friend to go to a gig at Liverpool Uni, I took them and picked them up. While I was waiting to pick him up you could see the concert on cctv and all the students were jumping up and down and generally going mad. I thought he would hate it, he said he loved it thought it was fantastic and wants to be a musician. That was two months ago, he has never mentioned it since and if I ever get emails about up and coming concerts he shows no interest.

We have tried a part time time table but even that doesn't work, he finds school lessons really boring and only enjoys things were you don't have to write anything down he is interested in what people have got to say but not following up with any work after it!! !

He is playing on World of Warcraft now and I can hear him laughing, I have just shouted through asking him why he is laughing and there has been at least a 5 second delay before he answers me. He really loves the game and doesn't talk about it much, but I ask him about it so that we have something to talk about and it seems he writes letters of application to join a guild and everything and its not like supermario or anything it seems to involve lots of strategies and of course the rewards are instant.

It is really hard to convince him of something, and I guess I will have to be patient and wait for him to want to do something about it, it does worry him that he's not in school and during term time he fights with himself each morning about getting into school, I have mentioned about changing schools to a smaller one, and I got the usual reply NO. I think the suggestion needs to come from someone independent such as a health professional or education welfare officer. It has been really good having here to post my thoughts and worrys on.

Don't know if you have any pets, but have you thought about getting him a dog? I have heard that dogs can do wonders for children/adolescents with autism. It gives them a friend to hang out with, without the need for social interaction(ie. dogs can't talk), and teaches then responsibility and care etc.

We have a lovely little jack russell dog, who L adores but he torments it endlessly when he's in one of his funny moods, luckily the dog has a wonderful temperament and takes a lot of flack.

L sounds like me when I was that age. I'm not combative, so I'd fake illness to get out of school for a week at a time. I'd spend the days playing games on my computer and dialing out to the local bulletin boards.

I can tell you that there's no way I would have responded positively to my parents getting involved in my school issues. My mother started having parent-teacher conferences with me present and it caused me to believe that they were all against me and I further isolated myself. I think the best bet would have been if they could have worked behind the scenes to get me involved in some structured computer classes - which was my primary interest even back then. The approach would have worked best with a teacher initiating it as a positive extra-curricular activity. My goal was to stay under the radar and try to get through school - having a special person or mom or dad involved would have "blown my cover."