Self defeating

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I just want to apologize for my post early. I posted it out of pure anger. When I read about putting a 15 year old in a tent and being locked out of the house, I just saw those words and everything else went blank. Tudorose I sincerely apologize to you and I hope you can accept my apology. After reading your last post and the things that went on in your life, I truly understand where you are coming from. I hope I will never jump the gun and be so ignorant and narrow-minded in the future. I grew up the exact opposite. My father was very militant and I was scared of him. He didn't let me do anything other children normally did. If he was having a bad day, I couldn't say a word or he would snap at me. I had four older sisters and the eldest one tried to commit suicide because he was so strict and unreasonable with us. Everything going on in your life sounds horrid and I can see why you are so frustrated. I'm sorry. I am so happy that he has stopped stealing from stores and also has a job! Even NT's have a hard time finding a job in this economy. It would be great if the whole family can have some sort of intervention, it just sounds like you guys really need it. If you don't mind what state do you live in because I would be more than happy to find some resources for you. Initially it was hard to get services for my son, with the dx, we've been able to apply for medicare and that just opened the doors to a lot of opportunities. Those services are not just for him, it's for us as well. Most of the home-based therapies are parent participation. They teach us how to deal with our children and support them in a way that's efficient and effective.

Hi Malya

I'm in Australia. There is hardly any support here for austism. They have never had support for AS and they have just removed newly diagnosed kids with HFA from being eligible to access disability services. I have managed to get my son into counselling after a heck of a fight with DSC (nobody would actually speak to him to help him even when he asked) and it has improved some things but because he's been so long with no help it is a difficult process. It's only been a couple of months that he's had access to this and unless I pick up the fight again next month this will support will cease and we'll be on our own again. His psychologist has been away for a few weeks and he fell off the wagon and because everything has been so stressful for so long it felt to everyone like the end of the world. I can see it in a bit more perspective now and hopefully we can pick up where we left off and move forward. I know I tend to fall into the catastophization way of thinking and that probably doesn't help things.

That might be your own AS, actually. My husband and son get like that; I actually see that as one of the main differences between them and me and why I feel I'm probably more NT than not, despite issues reading eyes and so on. Personal opinion, just what I've seen.

Is there anyone in your family who usually takes the clear sight and develops a plan when everything falls apart? In ours, it's been my job. It totally exhausts me, but somehow I can do it. Drives me nuts when I can't, actually, because I'm so used to believing there is always another way.

Sorry, side tracked a bit ...

I think the OCD v. the hygiene issues has to be really difficult, and perhaps that is the main point of stress in your family right now; you will have to decide. My son has terrible hygiene and we still supervise most of it quite closely; other parts we've just let go on. As a habit I flush his toilets and so on ... I don't know why he can't do it, but he just can't. My husband has more trouble with it than my daughter and I do, so my daughter and I kind of follow around and tidy it up behind him. It's just our life, the way things are. In public we issue extra reminders and my son puts some extra focus into it and usually manages to do as asked. But giving that level of attention seems to be exhausting and stressful for him; at home it seems he NEEDS to let go of it and just be who he is. Still, if a child knows that something stresses out a parent, they may prefer the work and stress of trying to conform to the clear negative of a stressed parent. Have you sat down and had a conversation with him about it? Brainstormed some ways you might be able to get closer to a livable compromise?

Mostly, I'm glad that everyone in this thread as taken a deep breath and maybe we all can get some where. I've found Tracker to be very thoughtful and to give good advice; he is AS and relatively young; he can usually see the child's side of it AND be constructive on how to help.

Best of luck.

I have ADHD and anxiety dxed, and suspect AS or at least have very many traits, but not dxed (and will not be seeking a dx). I am also sorry if I came across too harsh. I read your OP and just felt really sorry for your son, and for you. It sounds like a really difficult position. I am not very good at expressing myself clearly and apt to say the wrong thing, so I do apologize if I offended you Tudorose.

Thank you for coming back and clarifying your situation. I am really glad that you aren't giving up on your son.

And the "catastrophization"...wow, do I ever do that too. I have never heard that term before, but it is perfect. I was just thinking about this yesterday. We are really struggling this week as a family (last week of school is very, very difficult for my sons, husband passed out and broke his foot, the dr.s think he may have a heart problem), and although I know logically that these troubles will pass, it's all I can do to keep myself from running around in circles screaming...can't breathe, can't eat, can't sleep and feel like it's the end of the world. And I realize that I am creating my own drama by perseverating on all the "what if's" but I can't seem to stop. So if I came across as holier than thou, it is not so...definitely have my own issues too.

I think thats because I still have my memories back to age 4. I think most people have difficulty remembering anything more then a year old. Go Go gadget super memory!