Living on your own as a young AS Adult (23)

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My nephew currently still lives at home and has a job at Publix, is there any advice regarding him living on his own at some time in his life? We, myself and his parents, have been looking into a class that will teach him life learning skills but still not sure how he will handle life on his own. Are there facilities/places to live for folks with AS?

How severe is his AS? I began living on my own when I was 25, but that was even before I had ever heard of Asperger's. I'm 35 now.

man, I need to know the answer, too. for myself.

I think the answer here is driven by how the young man, himself, feels about it. If he is more comfortable living with his family and is able to take on adequate responsibility within that household, then what is wrong with it? OK, society has a problem with it, but nothing about AS fits into societies little mold.

There are some communities and charities in which group homes are available, often with one non-AS adult available for assisting the members, but otherwise I don't know if there is much. Finding those living situations will take leg work; these aren't run by large organizations.

Overall, it seems to me that the problem is rarely that the young adult does not intellectually know the independent living skills, but is simply unable to apply them. Hence, taking classes in independent living is likely to be worthless. But remember that not being able to apply something at age 23 is not the same as not being able to apply it at 30: overall, people with AS seem to be on a more drawn out independence / maturity scale, so your nephew is still growing up (perhaps being more the independence equivalent of a 16 year old). If his parents continue working with him on developing the skills, practicing them (100 times over just like they've had to do with everything else that didn't come naturally to their son), and learning work-arounds as needed, he still may grow into his own and be able to apply enough to live on his own. 23 is still pretty young for someone with AS; seriously.

I was 22 (just turned) when I moved out and I coped ok making some mistakes along the way and today at 30 nearly 31 I do very well for myself. It definitely depends on the individual aspie and how severe his asperger's is.

What makes you think people with AS need such facilities? In my experience, if a person with AS of his age is lacking in basic life skills with respect to others his age, then it's usually a result of the parents being too over protective, underestimating, or not encouraging enough.

Thanks for all of the responses. One of the problems his parents are having is him being so disrespectful. Seems like within the last year he has suddenly changed becoming more aggressive, not caring what his says in front of strangers. cussing, etc. They can't get him to sit down and talk about anything without him getting mad so it's hard to make a plan regarding his future. Is this a phase, and will he hopefully grow out of this?

Not saying that he needs a facility per say but it would be a good place to start just to see how well he handles living on his own.

I answered your pm. Short summary for the board is I would assume something has happened to trigger the change in attitude. You will need to find out what that something is.

If you want to post anything from the pm here after reading it, feel free to.

Thanks DW I did reply to your PM. In short, your insight seems right on and I appreciate any information I can get from anyone out there on the subject.

BTW DW where might I find Tracker?

He's 23, he doesn't have much growing left to do. He's an adult. He's probably frustrated by his situation. Maybe he even wants to know how. Who knows.

Based on reading I've done on these forums, many of our adults did not feel they were ready for independence until 25 - 30. Just because society defines someone as an adult, does not mean they have grown up in any real sense of the word. People with AS are often on a different maturity time line than everyone else; easy enough to observe as a parent, and confirmed by many of the members here. Not universally true, but often enough to make sure parents are aware of it. Keeps them from pushing too hard on things the kids actually are not developmentally ready for yet, just because the world keeps telling the parent they should be. Yes, that can be taken too far the other way, but it is something to be aware of. My son has grown into every required skill, just on a very different timeline than his peers, and one of the reasons he has never given up on any skill is because I haven't demanded them from him when he hasn't been ready.

If you find his post about his book in the reading thread, you can visit his website or pm him.

I PMed her.

Thank you Tracker you are a Godsend!