Will tell 13 year old his diagnosis: how did you find out?

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Keith, I don't see any point to keeping information from my son at this point -- he seems to have a really good understanding of things so far, and whatever information we provide in the future will be little by little, when he requests it -- probably with plenty of time to absorb things.

schleppenheimer, I applaud you and admire your courage. Telling my son about his diagnosis was just about one of the hardest things I had to do in my life, and I was scared sh!tless. But in retrospect it was the right thing to do and I have no regrets. I am sure you will not regret your decision either.

Thanks DenvrDave -- I was really scared too. Funny thing is, this morning my husband and I were talking about what a "non-issue" the whole discussion seemed to be as far as my son was concerned. He had a few very pertinent questions, and then, that was it! He hasn't talked about it since. I'll be intrigued to see when the subject is brought up BY HIM again. . .

Many things depend on your son character. When I was 13 I didn't want to be normal, at all. Actually I known I was different. When I said a few weeks ago my DX to my mum (I'm 27 now) she said something like "Why you have always thinked that there is something wrong with you and always searched for it?" and I replied "actually I always thinked that there was something better with me, and I always searched for a reason, but I was always scared to find out that there was something bad (like I was mad), now I know that it was only AS, so... nothing bad ". She was pretty shocked about it, but actually at 13 y-old your son should already know that there is something strange in his way of thinking and perciving the world, you can ask to him before telling the dx to him. "Do you think like others?", "Do you want to be like them?", mine answers at his age were something like "Are you joking me?" "Are you mad?", baddly Asperger started to be DXed in Italy only around 10 years ago and actually when I was 17 I didn't need a DX nomore.

Telling him, I believe, will help him understand himself better. I have a nephew with ADD and another nephew with ADHD and their mom said it really helped them understand themselves better when she told them. I suffered a TBI when I was 15 and my mom was open about my Dx and thank goodness! because if I didn't know I would have never understand why I was having troubles! And I have a 13 yr old SS, and my husband and his ex-wife refuse to tell him his Dx and I hear him at times, saying to his dad "what is wrong with me?" and his dad always says "lots of kids have trouble making friends" "lots of kids have trouble with math" it's always along those lines but they are never honest with him. Like he has this thing about plugs, which is fine, but I think his parents should at least tell him that although it is his thing, other kids will find it strange if he is talking about plugs. They don't and he'll walk up to another kid and start to talk about his collection of plugs and alas, he has no friends.

I mean I think, from what he says, he realizes there is something there and if his parents would say it would probably be a relief but instead his parents always say, you're just like everyone else. He goes a LD school and his parents tell him it is because he has "concentration problems". Anyhow, he was Dx with PDD-nos at age 4, later CAPD, at age 12 NVLD and just this Monday he had yet another assessment by the public school, his parents want him to go to the public HS on an IEP. So I guess they gave him a Wechsler test? So who knows what they will come up with? It could be yet another Dx, which would make 4 they aren't telling him. So I applaud you in letting him know, I really don't think it is a big negative in life. I will always be TBI and I feel no shame at all, I always tell new friends as it is part of me and explains who I am. I went to college, have a bachelors degree and am a nurse - I know it would have been easier if I never had the brain injury but I got through!

I was also on Ritalin after my car accident because it had the opposite effect on me as it has on a kid with ADD or ADHD, it woke me up. Eventually I went off it and eventually the special ed dept couldn't offer me anymore help because I had recovered too much, which was good for me! but that wasn't until I was a junior in college, I needed special ed in high school. I was called 'learning disabled' which actually didn't bother me, I did feel disabled because I remembered how I was before my accident, but now they call it 'learning different' which I think is maybe more fitting to kids with ASD.

I wasn't diagnosed till adulthood so didnt'have this experience. However, I did have some psych evaluations in childhood, and my parents started telling me the results from about age 11 on, because at that point I started questioning why I had them etc. IN a sense, I wanted to know why I had to have all these tests, so in that respect it was good thing that I found out. On the othe rhand, however, I also felt the pressure of achieving so that I could go to normal school and satisfy my parents (that was what the evals were for).