spanking special needs kids

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Bingo.

When I acted inappropriately - my mother peacefully explained me what's the problem with it. What do you know, it actually worked if it had sense, no violence involved. And I wasn't even considered an Aspie that time. Perhaps because my mother was tolerant and peaceful enough to actually explain to me problems with my behaviour.

My older sister works with autistic children, and she says the only punishment she ever uses is something related to the inappropriate behaviour. If someone makes a mess, she makes him help her clean it, for example. Much, much, more effective.

As for the poll - I voted for "I don't hit kids". And would like to add - I don't hit people.

the poll was to say special needs kids are not stupid and every child understand what he or she does wrong. and a belt to the ### is the effect of the behavior i'm not saying spank your kids for stuff they dont have control over. but if your child is example: 8 years old and has the mind of a 5 year old, if he kick your infant son, this a time a spank example

Disagree. While I can't say that it would be an option at one point, the bigger issue is why is your impulse-impaired child with your infant son unobserved with the opportunity to kick him in the first place? And there are better ways in that particular instance to deal with the issue, in my opinion, than a stinging backside. Again, that's not to say it couldn't be considered in some instances, but it wouldn't be in my first couple rounds of options.


M.

the poll was to say special needs kids are not stupid and every child understand what he or she does wrong. and a belt to the ### is the effect of the behavior i'm not saying spank your kids for stuff they dont have control over. but if your child is example: 8 years old and has the mind of a 5 year old, if he kick your infant son, this a time a spank example[/quote]


You are telling your child it's not OK to kick, but hitting is OK. I understand there are certain circumstances that require drastic measures. There has got to be something just as unpleasant as feeling pain that you can use to make your point.

My husband used to spank my son for hitting and kicking him, or he hit him back. It absolutely didn't work, in fact, quite the contrary. I never once spanked my son for hitting anyone or me, and he doesn't hit me. He hits my husband. Same with yelling. My husband yells at him and that's how he learned to yell at people. (my husband doesn't do these things anymore, he learned) These kids see what you do and they learn from it. You need to be careful, especially if they are really literal.

Hey Monique, wow you're starting to get the hang of using WP

I was spanked as a little child and apparently it seems to have helped me through life but then I would also do something to not get that again...

But you could still discipline your child without the need of it... Have you ever seen Supernanny?
Her shows are very good but also very educational at the same time... Maybe I might suggest that incase you decided you want to get into parenting.


Ian

(a) You are assuming a parent was precise and clear, and that child heard the parent. That assumption is incorrect; parents often mispeak or fail to understand that they didn't say what they really meant in a clear way, and there are times the child really does not hear the request (we parents are famous for shouting across rooms). One doesn't have to be stupid to misunderstand a parent's request or to believe it did not apply in the situation because the situation did not appear to conform to the rule as they understood it.

(b) You are incorrectly assuming that other, more effective, discipline methods do not exist. They do, and they have been discussed at length on this board. Take the time to read, and stop preaching. WE are not dumb.

You've got an agenda. State it.

I think your position about spanking is wrong, and your assumptions about the parents here are wrong. You sound young. And it isn't that I don't want to hear your perspective, but I don't like the way you seem to assume you know it all better than I do. What you know is yourself, and your child if you have one. That is it. The end, unless you've studied and interned and much more. What I'd like to know is what your childhood was like for you, and what brought you to your conclusions, and what drew you to take on the agenda you have. What I do NOT want to hear is that you know how to parent my child better than I do just because he happens to share a condition with you. AS are as unique compared to each other as NT's are, and each unique individual responds differently to various parenting styles. Your perspective expands the base of knowledge I can use to compare and contrast and maybe gleam a few more things about my child, but it isn't absolute.

And I completely disagree about spanking. It isn't necessary. Good discipline has a LOT more to do with clarity and consistency than it does the method of discipline chosen. But I don't want to debate that here; it isn't what anyone comes to this board for.

Sorry if I seem to be flying off out of proportion - I guess I am. It's just something about all the posts you've made so far, a theme I'm seeing ... I don't like undisclosed agendas.

Last edited by DW_a_mom on 28 Jan 2010, 6:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

i see that some time, it's a good show

People used to think it was necessary to "spank" adult members of the community, military trainees, and prisoners. In some countries they still do. In our country, it is considered sexual battery if a person over the age of 18 is "spanked", but only if over the age of 18.

For one thing, because the buttocks are so close to the genitals and so multiply linked to sexual nerve centers, slapping them can trigger powerful and involuntary sexual stimulation in some people. There are numerous physiological ways in which it can be sexually abusive, but I won't list them all here. One can use the resources I've posted if they want to learn more.

Child buttock-battering vs. DISCIPLINE:

Child buttock-battering (euphemistically labeled "spanking","swatting","switching","smacking", "paddling",or other cute-sounding names) for the purpose of gaining compliance is nothing more than an inherited bad habit.

Its a good idea for people to take a look at what they are doing, and learn how to DISCIPLINE instead of hit.

I think the reason why television shows like "Supernanny" and "Dr. Phil" are so popular is because that is precisely what many (not all) people are trying to do.

There are several reasons why child bottom-slapping isn't a good idea. Here are some good, quick reads recommended by professionals:

Plain Talk About Spanking
by Jordan Riak,

The Sexual Dangers of Spanking Children
by Tom Johnson,

NO VITAL ORGANS THERE, So They Say
by Lesli Taylor M.D. and Adah Maurer Ph.D.

Most compelling of all reasons to abandon this worst of all bad habits is the fact that buttock-battering can be unintentional sexual abuse for some children. There is an abundance of educational resources, testimony, documentation, etc available on the subject that can easily be found by doing a little research with the recommended reads-visit the website of Parents and Teachers Against Violence In Education.

Just a handful of those helping to raise awareness of why child bottom-slapping isn't a good idea:

American Academy of Pediatrics,
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry,
American Psychological Association,
Center For Effective Discipline,
Churches' Network For Non-Violence,
Nobel Peace Prize recipient Archbishop Desmond Tutu,
Parenting In Jesus' Footsteps,
Global Initiative To End All Corporal Punishment of Children,
United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child.

In 26 countries, child corporal punishment is prohibited by law (with more in process). In fact, the US was the only UN member that did not ratify the Convention on the Rights of the Child.

It's not controversial here. Spanking a child is against the law and considered to be child abuse. If you spank your child you will be prosecuted and you children will be taken away from you.

Spanking doesn't work. It's not even an arguable position anymore.

I thought your longer post was good too. I agree with your message. My parents weren't quite as creative with discipline (they only spanked), but I did not find it helpful... especial when it was for doing something I didn't know was rude/wrong.

Theory of mind works two ways. A parent is just as likely to not understand what the child was thinking and punish them for an innocent mistake. If that punishment is physical violence... it can be very damaging to the child.

That's also how I reacted when my father shouted at me. I was very sensitive, and took it very hard.

It wasn't physical violence, and he didn't mean anything bad - he even went later to make sure I'm okay - so I can't say I'm mad at him. But education has to be the least aggressive as possible.

My father didn't have the patience for me and my sisters when we were younger - so he only connected with us, and became a good friend of us, when we got older. I love him a lot, but I couldn't make it without my mother, who is a teacher herself, and has the patience required to raise a child. Whenever I acted wrong - she explained it to me. She knew I wasn't doing anything bad on purpose. So now she has an offspring who is about 21 years old, and can't harm a fly. And my father has an offspring who is his friend.

Please, all you parents out there - I know you don't mean anything bad for you children, but please, please, try to be as much patient as possible with them.

Thank you SO MUCH for this post. This sounds exactly what my house is like. My husband gets better with my help, but he is a yeller and it really upsets my son, and me. I'm a teaching parent, using negative reinforcement only when necessary.(which is usually no video games) I know when my son does something wrong and doesn't know it, but not so much my husband. He doesn't have the patience to step back and find out what is really going on. I pray every day something doesn't happen to me for this very reason. It's so nice to hear you are friends with your dad. I worry so much that my son will hate him, especially since my husband would do anything for him and he loves him very much. I was constantly yelled at by my father as a child and we are NOT friends and I wish we were different. (He didn't care if I was OK) My husband has decided to postpone any discipline until we together talk about it first. My husband agreed to bite his tongue and wait. So far it works pretty good. He tries

I guess I should make a distinction as well, here. I am not in favor of extended sessions of spanking... does little if anything to actually correct behaviors. However, a swift swat to the backside when a child ignores instruction and is about to run into traffic or other dangerous situation can be effective in some situations, with some children. Again, not the option I endorse but I'm not willing to discard it completely either.


M.

^ It's wrong to strike a child in any way and isn't necessary under any circumstances with any child. You should think about reforming your behavior, if for no other reason, so your child can grow up to respect you.

You are welcome to your opinion, Meadow - I will ask you to save your judgment for yourself. I have already spoken out against the use of repeated spanking as a disciplinary technique, and do not apologize for my belief that a single swat in the appropriate situation is both a correct response (not only, mind you) as well as effective. One needs only to look at animal behavior to see how deterrents are crucial and useful in the raising of young; making the distinction between application and abuse is important, but we do not agree in this instance and your insistence is not going to change my mind.


M.