Emotionally Drained

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I didn't see anyone address the birthday party, so thought I would. My son spent most of his second birthday party running away from it, so I know how it is.

"Chuck E. Cheese" is a very loud, crowded, stressful environment for people on the spectrum. The last time we were at a birthday party there, my son had fun for a little while and then told us he needed a break. That was a triumph of many years of various therapies -- him recognizing that he'd had too much. Before they get to that point, they need us to evaluate things for them and try to spare them situations that will be too stressful.

I know it's painful o realize as a parent that something you wanted to be fun and special is actually stressful, but it's just part of the reality of having a special needs kid and accepting it will make life easier all around.

If you can reduce the stress in his life, it will almost certainly also reduce the stress in yours.

Your son sounds EXACTLY like my son! My son sat up at 10 mos., crawled at 14 mos., walked at 21.5 mos. He had words at about 10 mos, and was pronouncing 4 syllable words at 2 yrs. However, even though my son had a lot of words, he was not using them to communicate to us. My son is 5 yrs old now, and he was diagnosed at 2.5 yrs old with PDD_NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder Not Otherwise Specified)/ possible Asperger's. He has been in therapy since he was 1 yr old. (We started him in PT at 1 yr old because of the physical delays). He started special needs pre-K at 3 and has done that for 2 yrs.

I am still unsure whether my son has Asperger's or HFA. The things that make me think it is not Asperger's is :

My son has always had very good eye contact

He is somewhat flexible, and does not get upset about changes in routine.

He does use big words, but he does not argue like a "little professor"

Also, his IQ was tested and it came in the low range. However, the psychologist at the school said that IQ tests for younger children are not always that accurate. Also, I think my son has ADHD issues, and doesn not always pay attention and do exactly what someone asks him to do even though he knows how to do it. I still do not believe that my son has a low IQ. Maybe I am biased, but I do not feel that my son has a low IQ from the way he acts when he is with me.

My son is not bothered by loud noises, he actually seems to enjoy things like sirens and fireworks and loud music.

The things that make me think it is Asperger's:

He is "OBSESSED" with Volkswagens! His special interests are car makes and models (particularly VW's) and churches are another special interest. Bathrooms seem to be another one.

He has very little interest in his peers, and loves to talk to adults.

He is very clumsy, and has an excellent memory. His memory is astonishing to me! Oh, and he also flaps his hands, and makes a lot of noises, interrupting, and shouting, and talking to himself. He has no inside voice either, but we are working very hard on this.

So, at this point, my son has been in therapy (PT,ST,OT) for 4 yrs now, and is now speaking in full sentences. Most of what he says makes sense, but he loves to make up words, and has trouble with back and forth conversation. He is now asking questions and saying things spontaneously.

We do have some agression issues with him that just started recently (hitting, and trying to bite me). He loves to run too, but doesn't get too far from my sight.

I am still trying to figure out what my son has, but at this point, I just treat it as though it is Asperger's, because that is what seems to help the most.

Please do not look at yourself as a failure. I can relate to feeling that way too. Sometimes I feel that way too, but we are doing the best we can for children who are not so easy to raise. Now that you know what you are dealing with, I think you will be able to find ways to cope better. Reading as much as you can on the subject, will help you to understand your son better. You are not alone in this. I am so glad that you found Wrong Planet, because I think it will help you. I have found tremendous support from being on this forum.

Good luck with the diagnosis process. I can totally relate to what you are going through.