16 yo with Aspergers and bedtime

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Your son will eventually get the hint especially if his friends tell him because no one likes being the smelly kid in class. I had a case of bad breath that I was unaware of until my friends told me and from then on Brushed my teeth every morning and carried gum.

My son is 11, but we had the same bathing battles for years. Our therapist had us institute a bath ritual. We sat down and had a disussion with him that we were instituting a new rule for showers. They would be at 7:45 p.m. every night, but he would get to choose two nights to take off. He has chosen Mondays and Fridays. At 7:45, all electronics go off, and they can come back when he is done until 8:45 (bedtime).

It has worked remarkably well. I think sensory was part of the issue, but for Ryan, the bigger issue seemed to be that it wasn't on his schedule to shower. If we are out late or he is extremely tired, we have let him skip until the next morning and he has done okay with the routine disruption so far.

Your son is older so I'm not sure how well it would work, but I certainly think it is worth a try. For the record, during the summer at times when he didn't need to be around others, we tried the 'letting him smell' thing for a bit and although he would make our eyes water, he had no self awareness of himself.

I would never just 'let him smell' in the social or school setting to teach a lesson, in my opinion. Showers are also one of the very few things in the house I make a 'non-negotiable'.

Hmmm. The exact opposite of me I always try to take a shower, looks like I'm the only one

my 18 yr old hates to wash. i make him go into the shower every morning before school (still finishing last yr.-i hope). if he isn't in school (like for vacation) it is a real battle. one i only have if he smells. he is overweight, and doesn't wash properly in the shower so he does smell. in the process of changing his psychiatrist...and would luv to find a counselor, a group, dr. who specializes in Asperger's...doesn't like to wash his hair at all that is another battle (one in which i don't know how often i should have...as i don't force him many times) and he doesn't like to brush his teeth (i have been so worried that rarely i have even tried to do it for him. i realize how ridiculous this sounds...and i don't want to treat him like a child, but he has a few cavities, and bad bad breath.) need advise too on this issue. wow!! didn't even know how many deal with this very issue.

I had the same problem as a teen and young adult and so does my 18 year old Aspie daughter. I agree with DW that you need to be more literal. It seems he is getting angry because you are telling him he is sweaty when he is not. Also, and only if he is open to this, it helps to have a schedule. It makes us feel happier and the day runs smoother. If you have him help you write a daily schedule and let him pick the time he wants to take a shower you may have more success. I wish my parents would have helped me more when I was a teen but they didnt know anything about Asperger's at the time (Im 43 there was no such thing). I was just a weird girl who smelled. To those who say let him figure it out....it doesnt work that way. I was picked on and bullied because of this (and many other things) until I had little to no self esteem. Young people with Asperger's typically are not self reliant, we still need assistance even though it might seem that it irritates us. You have to make it seem like he is helping you help him. I didnt really start taking good care of myself until I went to school in my mid twenties to become a CNA. My teacher helped me, she didnt embarrass me, she just taught me how to write out a schedule for myself and to stay clean and therefore to appear professional. I always kept my kids clean (started having babies at age 19) but not so much myself. It actually helped me even more to learn about schedules and their importance when my 5 year old daughter was diagnosed (I was dx shortly after). Her therapist showed me why having a daily schedule was so important to people with Autism. There are a lot of good books about Asperger's and teens/young adults out there right now that could really be of help. Dont stop trying to help your son...you are doing the right thing, walking around smelling just compounds his problems!

Billy, my Fiance's 11 year old Aspie, also hates to get a bath at night. Being OCD myself, I can't stand to get near him when he smells. If he outright refuses to get a bath (which doesn't happen all that often anymore), I tell him fine, but he can't come near me because he stinks. He gets upset and thinks its a personal attack, I explain to him why I can't stand how he smells, and he will usually relent and get a bath.

He has gotten a lot better with it lately. Once he gets in, he doesn't want to get out. We have incorporated a bath in the routine, 4 nights a week and 1 per weekend.

I have EXACTLY the same problem with my 14 yrold son. He comes home from school and Smells V bad especially after PE (they do not enforce showering at school ) but is always very reluctant to bathe, and seems to hate being clean. Even when he does wash he sometimes comes out smelling.

I have explained that good personal hygiene is much more important to alot of people ( mainly the vast majority of NTs) than being intelligent & getting good grades (something my son values v striongly) on the scale of importance of life skills - and without it he will encounter problems, for example: when he interviews for a job they wont hire, wants to attract a girlfriend, or applies to universities, tries to socialise etc. I also tell him the importance of washing regularly to keep the job/ friends or girlfriend, as they may not tell him if he smells bad (ludicrous, but very true) and they may make excuses to avoid him. Sometimes you can't smell yourself even if you do smell very badly of BO, as you get used to it. There is also the possibility of bullying.


My son dislikes it, but I hope one day he will realise that its a daily routine that will ultimately help him in life. It's helped me.

Sorry I read your post wrong. I read 'bedtime' as 'bathtime'.

I would suggest bathing at a different tie of day possibly? Maybe in the morning or when comes in from school.