06 Sep 2010, 9:20 pm
It's funny how information comes to you just as you need it; I had just sent this thread to my husband to read. That same afternoon, a favorite uncle came into town and decided to take all the nieces and nephews on a marathon shopping trip to American Girl Place (for the girls) and the Lego Store (for the boys.)
I knew this was going to be tough on a number of levels. 1st of all, the atmosphere of any toystore is night on impossible for DS. Second, Dear Uncle and the others don't know what we're dealing with (local Aunt & Uncle aren't very tolerant; they seem to think the problem is parenting. Annoying though this is, I've decided it's easier for all of us than having them second-guess the diagnosis or the handling of it) so he kept upping the ante: first, one $20 toy, then when he saw the kids getting upset, two $20 toys OR one $50 toy. DS looked at every single lego in the store and proceeded to panic. We pulled him outside the store and said we were going to take a break and get lunch, that he would still get his toy but he needed to calm down and eat first. He prostested "I need to choose the toy RIGHT NOW!" and we stood firm. We got cursed at a bit, an outright refusal, and it came down to an offer of either eat lunch and get the toy, or go home with no toy right now. He gave in.
After lunch, we pulled him aside quietly and said that he was not allowed back in the store (he had narrowed down his choices a bit) and that he needed to choose from the lunchroom; we'd go in and give it to his uncle to purchase. He protested...and then NEGOTIATED!! ! <beaming with pride emoticon> that he could stand by the door and send us to get things for him to look at! This was working well, half the problem was overstimulation from the store itself, he had it narrowed down...and then Dear Uncle, seeing him in distress, misinterpreted it and offered to buy him a $100 toy (frankly, this would be upsetting to an NT adult, if you ask me!) Being surprised, I didn't react quickly enough, and soon we were near meltdown again. We whisked him away from the store again, restated the 2 for $20 rule, and he finally chose the two toys he'd been looking at from the beginning, and we finally, finally got out of there down only by a few cursewords and some fistshaking. After we left and he caught his breath, he realized he was happy with his choices. A win for everyone (except the uncles and aunt, who could not figure out why DS was so upset over getting presents, but who at least kept the discussion among the adults. 
)
Later on, when we were alone, we talked to him about what had happened and how well he'd handled it (sadly, he chooses to be ashamed of the whole thing, but I hope if we keep talking, one day he'll hear us.) We said we were really proud of him and how well he'd handled a very difficult situation where the rules kept changing. I think he's starting to understand himself a bit.
Thank you, everyone who's posted in this thread.
07 Sep 2010, 9:20 am
07 Sep 2010, 7:16 pm
07 Sep 2010, 8:34 pm
