I lost it and feeling very distraught!

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To comfort you, I still remember when I was hit by my mother for starting a tantrum and I don't feel bad about it. I knew than I did a wrong thing i.e. tantrum was completely unreasonable (I was just being mad for no reason) and I was aware of it so I didn't hold a grudge against my mom.

Anyway the fact that he hits only you is problem. Do you respect yourself? If not kids can sense that.

Very good point.

My DH and I have found (from experiences like the one you describe) that we cannot keep our cool when restraining our son, so our plan is to either lock him in his room until he is calm (if he will go voluntarily) or lock ourselves in somewhere where we can't be hurt; it has worked well for us; usually what my son needs most is time. DS is also aware that as far as the house is concerned, if he breaks it, he bought it (a rule we instituted fairly recently; it wouldn't have worked for him at 5yrs)

You've already got a lot of support but I wanted to weigh in too. It takes a tremendous amount to discipline to have a child hit you regularly and not lose it yourself. So far my son is not a hitter, but my step-daughter used me as a punching bag when she was four. It was upsetting and demeaning, even from a child. I ultimately removed her or myself from the situation until she could stop attacking me.

My heart goes out to you. I really hope you can get him to stop hitting. That is really hard.

I'm curious, did he have a lot of trouble with eye contact or does he still? The one time I remember hitting an adult in the face had a lot to do with my not wanting their face that close to mine... My son recently did something very similar to his half brother (who was making a weird face very close to my son's face)...

Thanks for all of the support everyone-----Anyway, my son has never had a problem with eye contact, and he seems to enjoy physical contact such as lots of hugs and kisses. So I am not sure that is the issue. I think it is more just an inability to control emotions.

He never really has full blown meltdowns. It just seems like something will set him off, and then he will lash out at me if he can. What I have been doing is just getting away from him, but this morning, it was just out of nowhere, so I was caught off guard.

Anyway, will keep trying to deal with it, and not sure what a psychologist can tell me that is any different from the advice that I am getting here. One psychologist called me back this morning, and said she only does evaluations for children on the spectrum, and she gave me another name. Hopefully, I can find someone.

I recommend the book The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. I often re-read it in difficult times.

Affect regulation/Control is one of my daughter's most difficult issues. I also have to walk away because nothing else will diffuse the situation. Only when they calm down can you discuss what went wrong. The only effective solution we have come up with is prevention and that takes an enormous amount of effort, planning, and attention. Even then, there will be inescapable outbursts.

Thought this might be interesting to you.
from: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexithymia (edited)
Alexithymia (pronounced /əˌlɛksəˈθaɪmiə/) from the Ancient Greek words λέξις (lexis, "diction", "word") and θυμός (thumos, "soul, as the seat of emotion, feeling, and thought") modified by an alpha-privative—literally "without words for emotions"—is a term coined by psychotherapist Peter Sifneos in 1973[1][2] to describe a state of deficiency in understanding, processing, or describing emotions.

Alexithymia frequently co-occurs with other disorders, with a representative prevalence of 85% in autism spectrum disorders,...

Research indicates that alexithymia overlaps with Asperger syndrome. In a 2004 study, Uta Frith reported an overlap and that at least half of the Asperger syndrome group obtained scores on the Toronto Alexithymia Scale (TAS-20) that would classify them as severely impaired.[35] Fitzgerald & Bellgrove pointed out that, "Like Alexithymia, Asperger's syndrome is also characterised by core disturbances in speech and language and social relationships".[36] Hill & Berthoz agreed with Fitzgerald & Bellgrove (2006) and in response stated that "there is some form of overlap between alexithymia and ASDs". They also pointed to studies that revealed impaired Theory of Mind skill in alexithymia, neuroanatomical evidence pointing to a shared etiology and similar social skills deficits.[37] The exact nature of the overlap is uncertain.

An inability to modulate emotions is a possibility in explaining why some alexithymics are prone to discharge tension arising from unpleasant emotional states through impulsive acts or compulsive behaviors. The failure to regulate emotions cognitively might result in prolonged elevations of the autonomic nervous system (ANS) and neuroendocrine systems which can lead to somatic diseases.[47] Alexithymics also show a limited ability to experience positive emotions leading Krystal (1988) and Sifneos (1987) to describe many of these individuals as anhedonic.[2]

It is unclear what causes alexithymia, though several theories have been proposed. There is evidence both for a genetic basis, meaning some people are predisposed to develop alexithymia, as well environmental causes.

Early studies showed evidence that there may be an interhemispheric transfer deficit among alexithymics; that is, the emotional information from the right hemisphere is not being properly transferred to the language regions in the left hemisphere, as can be caused by a decreased corpus callosum, often present in psychiatric patients who have suffered severe childhood abuse.[50] A neuropsychological study in 1997 indicated that alexithymia may be due to a disturbance to the right hemisphere of the brain, which is largely responsible for processing emotions.[51] In addition, another neuropsychological model suggests that alexithymia may be related to a dysfunction of the anterior cingulate cortex.[52] These studies have some shortcomings, however, and the empirical evidence about the causes of alexithymia remains inconclusive.

Thanks for the recommendations, Mama----The alexirythmia (sp?) makes sense. How do you go about correcting these things? I truly believe that a great deal of autism stems from the left and right brain not connecting as they should, but how to correct this is the problem. I have been curious about Brain Balance program, but have not heard too much feedback on it, and it is very expensive------

Meanwhile, I picked my son up from school, and everything was fine. They said he had a good day----Now I need to try and discuss what happened this morning........

I don't know if you can fix it. I just wanted to let you know so you can be more aware and focused on what true issue may be. It very well may be involuntary on his part. I would think it would improve over time. A year ago my daughter had very little insight on emotions and was unable to articulate or identify them. She is a bit better now-through therapy and my constant explanation to her. Or maybe it's just that she matured a bit.

Well, I tried to discuss what happened, and didn't get very far. I asked him how he felt when Mom hit him this morning, and he said "I don't remember." Then I said what was making you upset that made you want to hit Mom? and he said "I don't remember". I just explained to him that hitting is not nice, and it is very upsetting, and all he could say was "I don't remember"

I think you may be right as far as it just being his lack of impulse control. But, even though I may not be able to fix it, I guess we still have to work on it. Sigh.........

He might not remember-he may be telling the truth. I remember once my daughter had a doctor's appt that went really, really badly and they ended up restaining her in a papoose board (like a straight jacket just with a nicer name-yeah right ). Right after that happened I tried to talk to her, she was zoned out, and later she didn't remember anything from the time she arrived until getting in the car. They can block out uncomfortable things, especially if there is a fight or flight nature to the event.

I hadn't thought I would have anything at all to answer to this thread, but now I think maybe I do.

I answer things like that sometimes without meaning them. Does he have the words for such feelings? Does he think if he tells the truth, it won't be a good enough reason?

Is it possible the event is actually processed as "need to hit Mom now" and, regardless of reasons, he's not aware of what, if anything, brought him there?

Is it possible that he doesn't want to expose himself by explaining? Is it possible he could maybe explain, but it would take a long time and he's learned that questions need prompt answers, so he's unwilling to stop and think and compose himself for a long time because he knows you usually do something like repeat the question and utterly derail his thought process? Not accusing you, but that happens to me a lot because I can't say "um" and think at the same time.

We get this response from my son every time: it's pretty clear that when he's hit us, not only not in control, (despite the fact that he appears in control; he can walk towards you, can speak) he has no real relationship to what he did afterwards and gets very confused if you ask. It might be better if you ask him what he does remember, e.g. "Something upset you yesterday - do you remember what it was?" and then explain that he hit you in the face and that you need to work together to make sure that doesn't happen again. I didn't have any support at all when my son was five, so I am extrapolating based on what we do now with my 10yo.

What we've been working on with my son - no idea yet if we've been successful - is to try to determine what precedes a violent outburst and see if we can fix it there. I know my son has real difficulty with proximity, personal space, and touching - he might hit someone for unexpectedly brushing up against him.

I think (just as a parent, not a doctor) sometimes this kind of hitting is similar to how you would react if your hand was on the stove; you might not remember or even be conscious of snatching your hand away.

To be honest, I've read your posts in the past, and I saw this coming.
Don't feel too bad about it. From what little I've read, here and before, he deserved it... and it'll probably be good for him in the long run. I hate to say that - hitting a kid is usually just plain wrong - but you've described him as being exceptioanlly abusive to you, and you alone. It has been plain to me (from previous posts, including chasing you down to hit you, and cornering you in dead end rooms) that this specificity and unrelenting behaviour (again, towards you alone) means that he classifies you as "weak" and "victim", and paints him as an abuser (I think you're ready to hear this now that you've "snapped back" at him).

From this point on, I'd say watch close, and keep grabbing his arms whenever he takes a swing at you. And then SQUEEZE. Your hands are HANDCUFFS, and your feet are bricks (stand on his feet). If you show him you aren't made of foam padding, but of mortar and marble, he's just might decide to punch Teddy Ruxpin instead of Mommy She-Hulk.

He does need psychological counselling, but be careful they may decide to do medication immediately.. Noone should be put on head meds until they've been seen a few times by a qualified doctor. Training and questioning and the resolution of answers is the proper step here. And it does have to be done with the involvement of a third party.

I hear you OddFiction, but to be honest, I don't even think me hitting him back phased him. I have done the holding his arms and squeezing and making a firm "NO" with an ugly face just to emphasize how upset I was about it. Maybe he does perceive me as weak because I am a very loving nurturing type mom, but, I have also stood up for myself all along with this. It really makes me question whether he is "lacking in empathy". At other times, he is very loving toward me giving me spontaneous hugs and saying "I love you, Mom"

It really is disheartening to think that my child needs psychological counseling at 5 yrs old. It is not like we live in an abusive household. He has never had any traumatic episodes in his life. I have done nothing but give him a good environment since he was born. Sometimes I feel like he came from a foster home or something!

His diagnosis is PDD-NOS/possible Asperger's, but the school evaluated him and said that he seems to have ADHD. Right now it seems as though the ADHD is causing us the most frustration. He has trouble staying on task and focusing on his work at school The teacher has to give him as many as 5 or 6 prompts to do a task. I experience the same things at home with things like taking a bath. I sometimes have to ask him 6 times to take off his clothes to get into the bath. I have also read that impulsivity is a symptom of ADHD.

Like I have said before, he doesn't really have meltdowns or rages, it is just isolated incidents of the hitting. I am hesitant to start medications this early, but we may have no choice if he cannot focus on his work. He does seem to learn though. He just does not seem to pay attention.

Thanks for all of the advice. I hope I can find a professional that will actually help.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Opposition ... t_disorder

I don't feel counseling is a "bad" thing. My daughter sees one every other week, even when she is doing very well. I want to foster her trust in another adult who may be able to elicit more information than I can. As parents we can't always be the all knowing, complete care providers for our kids. Some professional counseling can do some good-perhaps at age 5 some art or play therapy would be good. We struggled with ineffective counselors for a long time but once you find a good one it is worth it. It is a slow process. Sometimes the only help is that someone else is witnessing the struggles.