Feeling discouraged

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This is heading in the right direction:

This is probably the single most important thing a parent can do proactively to make a difference in their child's education. IMHO, all parents of children on the spectrum need to learn how to communicate with educators better, and focus on teaching the teachers about ASDs. Give the presentation to whomever will listen. Give it again. Refine it. Give it again. Give it at every IEP meeting. My experience is that general educators are woefully under-prepared and uninformed regarding how to teach children with ASDs.

My contribution to this thread is to say that my son has a very positive school experience and it isn't down to money or resources, but to the attitude of the teaching staff and other adults in the school. It is further enhanced by the whole school ethos which is one of respect and care for others, children and adults.

My son is in his 5th year of primary school and is achieving well academically. At the scheduled parent/teacher meeting this week his teacher explained some of the ways in which she accommodates and acknowledges the particular difficulties he has because he is AS.

For example, he struggles with mental maths because it requires a quick response and isn't visual. She knows that this is not a useful way of testing his maths skills so when she grades him for maths she won't take account of mental maths, but focus instead on the other work he does and which suits his learning style.

He doesn't always finish his classwork, but she doesn't make him stay in at lunch or breaktime to finish it, because she understands that the classroom, with its fluorescent lighting and echoing bare surfaces is a difficult environment for him. She is impressed by how well he does cope with that, and knows that he needs to be able to spend time outside, running about and having a change of scene.

He doesn't always manage to finish his homework, and she has said that she is not bothered about it being finished every time. She told me that if he has 20 maths problems to do, and manages 7 well, then she will be happy with that and accept the standard of those he has done.

My son's class is at the maximum of 30 children and the school is full to capacity, so it's not that she has few children and so loads of time for him. Rather, she understands him and doesn't force him to do things that he can't do just for the sake of it. She is clearly fond of my son and enjoys being his teacher.

This particular teacher did spend the last 10 years teaching in an autism unit at another school, so she clearly has more experience of autism, but my son's previous teachers have also been good with him and have been able to see and appreciate his differences, his skills and his abilities.

I suppose the general level of support offered by the school to all pupils is exemplified by the "worry box". Children who have a worry write it down and put it in the box, which is emptied every couple of days. All the worries are read by one of the Assistant Head Teachers, and ... she does something about them.

Sorry if this is a bit disjointed - my son keeps coming through and talking to me about what he would like for Christmas!

My point is - my son's school is able to educate him in a supportive and encouraging environment in which he, and all pupils are valued and respected. Attitude and ethos seem to be key to a good and positive school experience. And sadly, from what I read here on WP, and elsewhere, these seem to be in short supply, and I don't understand why that should be.

I felt this same way about my son's elementary school experience, so I do have an issue when people rant as if every school and every teacher is flawed. In my experience, educating a child with ASD is done one child, and one teacher, at a time, both learning together. We had a school attitude that was very individual child oriented, but some teachers were naturally better at it than others. Still, I never had anyone confront me or tell me I was wrong about anything; they were constantly willing to listen, and constantly trying to figure it out.

We didn't have grades or report cards, per se, but I could see a situation where they might have had trouble performing the assessments they did have to do. Fortunately, it wasn't an issue for us. My son loved to talk, so if all else failed, they could prompt him verbally and get it figured out. And, he felt safe at school. Once we had our IEP, he knew teachers were trying to understand him, and if he gave them a little help, they would help him back. Just his developing that trust made a huge difference.

ksjourdain, I can see your frustration, because obviously you've assumed you are sending your daughter to big scary school for a positive reason, and now you discover that not even they are sure they accomplishing that positive reason. This is a set back.

So. I think, ksjourdain, from your posts, that your school has a journey to embark on, and hopefully they are willing. I realize it is a whole lot easier when you walk into a place that has already dealt with ASD;s, like our school had, but if the staff at your daughter's school are serious professionals with a "whole child" attitude, you should be able to get progress. If you aren't sensing that they have an educational approach that recognizes the individual child, with or without ASD'S, then you may need to look elsewhere. I wish you a ton of luck figuring it out; unfortunately, there are no one-size fits all answers for ASD kids and schools, either.