5 year-old autistic rage

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this is what i refer to as "melting into a puddle" =) this is the exact thing i see with my son as well. its just complete overwhelming emotional response, and they simply cant handle it. so they melt =) its not a real meltdown at that point, its kind of a pre-meltdown melting. like chocolate in the sun, they just collapse right there where they stand into a wet crying puddle of little boy. my son also does the dejected slump walk where he hunches foward so far his hands are literally dragging on the ground. sometimes its hard not to laugh when he gets upset, its just so darn cute.

hurray for you AND your son =) this should make such a huge difference for you both. dont beat yourself up about what has happened in the past, just go forward with more knowledge than you had before. the response you are using now is exactly what he needs.

i will warn you not to expect him to stop melting any time soon tho =) this has to do with his inability to regulate his emotions, and its probably going to keep happening for quite a while. he will need you to continue reminding him to use words and helping him calm. some of the most beautiful words ive ever heard came about 6 weeks ago and they were "You are making me very upset!" they were yelled and through tears, but they were words and from a boy who was standing up instead of in a puddle on the floor. of course, we still see a lot of puddles, but we get some of the words too. weve been working on it for about 4-5 months so far.

Statmama, thank you for the beautiful update! Hearing things like that is why we keep posting here, investing time away from everything else in our lives and taking the chance that we're reading things right from a few words on a screen.

There is so much that none of us would know if we hadn't taken the time to ask. Sometimes the answers are out in left field and totally irrelevant; sometimes they are spot on and you wonder why you hadn't seen it before. You can't worry about the past, only the future. Otherwise, we'd all be so muddled in regrets we could never take another step forward. And your son needs you to keep moving forward.

If your son is anything like mine, you'll find that he wants to be "good," but doesn't understand how. It doesn't help that with AS kids really lock into their own ideas and can't see a way out to compromise. All that has to be taught. Repeated, explained in detail, repeated, broken into little pieces, explained with patience.

azure, yep, puddle for sure! And I know exactly what you mean about the words. My son has a speech disorder, so he tends to default to crying or tantrums. But sometimes, out of the blue, he will communicate really, really clearly in words exactly what he is feeling. I will never forget the first time he did it. He had been whiny about bedtime. We thought he just wanted to stay up. I asked him what was the matter. He simply said, "Scared." It was all I had to hold back the tears, because it was the first time he had ever verbally communicated his feelings. It is still a challenge for him, and it is still incredibly precious to me when he does it. And on the time frame for outgrowing the meltdowns - I know AS adults who still have meltdowns, so my goal isn't the absence of them, but providing my son with better tools to handle the flood of his own emotions.

DW, I certainly agree with you on that! It is trying on the patience, I can't deny it, but I think of the payoff - my son having the means to deal with his emotions effectively. Yes, yes, patience x 10