madderakka wrote:
We're in the process of getting a dx for my 5 1/2 year old son, but I'm 99% sure that it will be Asperger's and ADHD. While we were at the psychologists office Sam started running and jumping at me (we had been there 2 hours, he wasn't being purposefully aggressive, just hyped up and needed to blow off the steam somehow). I told him it wasn't time for running and he was hurting me-he did ignore me and kept running until I got him busy putting something away. The psychologist remarked that Sam doesn't have empathy for people, so telling him he was hurting me didn't register and that I was trying to understand how Sam was feeling and instead I should just give him a consequence.
My reasoning is that Sam doesn't have empathy all the time, so if I don't tell him, how will he ever learn that he is supposed to consider others' feelings? And I do look at why he's doing something. If he's running because he's been cooped up for 2 hours, I am not going to be as harsh as if he is purposefully hitting me. I grew up in a house where my feelings were never considered and I don't want to do that to Sam. But, admittedly, I have no experience with Autism or developmental disorders, so am I doing this wrong? What should I be doing?
uggh, You are right and that pyschologist needs kicked in the head
Lets say you just give him a consequence, never explaining how you feel. What does that teach Sam - simple, for some unknown reason you punish him when he climbs on you. He sees cats climb on people without getting punished so clearly you are just punishing him to be mean
Lets say you tell him why you give out a consequence when he climbs on you. What does that teach Sam - that some things hurt people and people don't like to be hurt. When he gets a consequence there is a very good reason for it, that likely isn't that you hate him. It also encourages him to think more deeply about why people respond in a certain way when he tries to do something he sees nothing wrong with - like pulling a toy out of their hand.
Also, as every aspie will tell you here, rules are meaningless if you don't explain why they are there. They need to understand the why. In this case the why is that you are being hurt. You can hardly expect him to pay any attention to the consequence if you don't tell him why he's getting it
03 Sep 2008, 3:14 pm
These things I love about my child.
