OUR KIDS SAY THE DARNDEST THINGS - FUNNY STORIES!! !

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My 7 year old son, and expert on all things tornado-related, was out for a walk recently with his father who told me how their conversation went.

Son: Remember you told me that tornadoes were formed in this way (describes almost word for word how his dad told him tornadoes were formed).

Dad: Yes, I remember.

Son: Well, you were wrong. (Goes on to describe in minute detail how tornadoes are formed, and adds some details about water spouts and dust devils for additional interest!)

Dad: Oh....

Son: (Stops walking, takes father by the hand, looks up into his face and says) But don't feel bad about it, Daddy. There are even some metereologists who don't understand all that!

When I was little I heard my mother talking to my dad and she said she wasn't like the Luers because of the way she had things in her home and it drew peoples attention to stare at her walls and furniture and my mother said she wasn't like her because she didn't want her house that way. Well I see her talking to her one day and I say to my mother, "Mom why are you talking to her? You said you don't like her."
The lady gets wide eyes and my mother says to her "Oh I'm so sorry, I don't know where she got that" but the lady just walks away.
My mother couldn't understand where I got that idea from until we were at the table having dinner and I was talking and I say how mom told dad she doesn't like the Luers. My mother then realized where I got that from.
She told me this story so I don't remember the incident.

As a child in class, one day the joke of the day was "What's black and white and red all over?" and as soon as I heard that I remembered what I read in one of my joke books and blurted out "A skunk with a nappy rash". The teacher laughed so hard she nearly fell of her chair!

When I was 6, I think, my parents bought me my first bicycle. when they showed it to me, I said "that's stupid! who would make a vehicle with only two wheels?" and refused to ride it until they attached two more wheels (trainer wheels on the back). I never got the hang of balancing on one though.

Reminds me of the moped I had in my mid-twenties. That was Awesome!!

When I was little, Dad would say "You're a pain in my neck!" and I would tell him "I'm not painting your neck!"

my 14 year old was being silly & poked his 16 year old brother with a sharpie marker- resulting in a dot of ink on the 16 year old's face......16 year old says loudly; " Mom! He put marker on my face !".......Daughter comes rushing over terribly concerned:" Don't worry Bubby, it just looks like all the other pimples on your face!"

That's great ster, I have a freckly boy too and I can see my 4 year old doing the same thing. Gotta love it.

[edit]hehe, you said pimples that's even better.[/edit]

Its ok that he has no father and it never really bothers him because im like a father as well because im a bit like a man .

Well, the one we repeated until my daughter, now 11, asked us to stop, is as follows:

My daughter (3 then) and I were at an IKEA one hot day getting frozen yogurt cones and a lady nicely shared her table with us since it was busy that day. The lady struck up a conversation and my daughter, who would talk to anyone and was a precocious talker, chatted with her happily. My daughter asked the lady where she came from, and the lady said, "I came from God."

Now, I'm a Christian but I still find this kind of chat "precious" and rather annoying. Nevertheless, I didn't say anything even though my daughter, as anyone would realize, wanted to know where the woman hailed from. In any case, they continued their chat until the woman had finished her cone and got up to go. She said good-bye and my daughter, who had fairly good manners for her age, called, "Bye!"

Then after a slight hesitation, wanting to really send her off well, she added in a loud voice so that the woman (and everyone nearby) could hear it, "I hope you go back to God soon!"

I'm still laughing at that one.

At the same age she attended a prenatal exam with me and got to hear her brother's heartbeat. She was not impressed. When the doctor tried to call her attention to it, asking if she could hear it, she said, "I have ears, y'know." She couldn't get much on the heartbeat monitor with me laughing so hard.

A few years later, while we sat in her Sunday School meeting at church waiting for her to say the prayer (her assignment that day), she saw some (adult) family friends at the back and wanted to show them her band-aid. So she proudly held it up for the whole assembled parents, teachers and children to see... her beautiful Spongebob band-aid, on the back of the middle finger of her hand. I snatched her hand down pretty fast but the friends at the back were falling out laughing.

Now much son... He recently shouted, out of nowhere, "Pack up my head, I'm goin' to Paris!" I have no idea why. But I love it.

I wish I could think of more about my son, but he's a little more surreal. She's more situational. And the toddler is abstract.

She just came over to tell me there's a "buggy" on her foot. Looks like a small scab, actually.

I could go into a long list of tales of my siblings, mind you... the time my sister couldn't understand what it meant to move to Utah... "I tah? Me tah?" Or when my brother didn't know what to put on so mom told him to just run around the house in his "panties" so he started to head outside to do just that. My kids come by it honestly.

Last, I'll throw in a twist. Because we are those sort of people, our parents also say the funniest things. When I was a teenager, my mom got a promotional thingy from the hospital about getting a mammogram. She knew the doc (she's a nurse) and she laughed and told my dad, "Ha. He wants me to pay him to squeeze my breasts when you'll do it for free."

When I came down with one sickness after another one year, my husband called my mom and gave her a run-down of everything that had gone wrong with me in the last 6 months. She told him he couldn't have a refund. Apparently not everyone thinks that's funny... he told it to someone at work and they were shocked. Eh, well.

She also often says, "Beats a sharp stick in the eye."

The many ages of AS. Or general weirdness. Jury's still out on this family.

Lovely thread...............I could fill 20 of them!!

Just the other day my 20yr old ADD/Autistic asked me what happens if he wakes up dead!! !!

I have a 14yr old and 13yr old, it was a week before Christmas and their mate 13 was over. Mates parents have split so he was telling us about how he had to have 3 Christmas dinners with each parent and grandparents!! He would rather eat pizza....................the question came up over who Jesus father was?
I explained it was God! SHOCK HORROR, they were mortified, wanted to know if Joseph was angry and had to have a DNA!! ..............but then if Joseph was really Jesus biological father then that must mean God is Joseph????????????????? Doesn't it?? I could not explain it, tried my hardest but it just didn't make sense!

My 13yr old also wanted to know WHY Turkey is the meat of choice at Christmas...............his friend reckoned it was because they ate it at the last supper!!

Bless their cotton socks each and every one of them!

When I was around 4, my dad asked me if I wanted to join the Brownies. I looked at him like he was stupid and refused. He went "why not?" and I went "because I'm not brown, silly."

My autie step-son was staying at his granny's with us, and it was time to take him back to mummy. He said "Granny, when I go, I wont have anything to remember you by.." Granny, bemused, said "oh? what do you have in mind?".. he took his hand from his back and opened up his hand - "Well, I have these toy pigs.."

And one of me as an adult - I was registering at a GP in this area, and went for the initial appointment. The receptionist gave me a little beaker and said "First we need a water sample.. the toilet's round the corner." I was most confused about this, and asked her again what she said, and she repeated it.. cue more confusion. Then my partner leant over and whispered in my ear "she means you have to wee in the beaker." I thought she wanted me to fill it with toilet water!

Teacher telling aspie child that in future he must do better, actually he could do better. Mum turned round to son and said ' time to pull your socks up'. Appointment finished, mum got home to find son in bedroom sobbing his eyes out.........................'how can I pull my socks up when I only wear short ones?'


Aaaaahh blesss his cotton................socks!! pardon the pun!

This reminds me of a joke I read somewhere.

Mr. Smith came to visit a family. While serving lunch, the mother asked her daughter: "I think you missed something; you didn't give Mr. Smith a fork and knife." The daughter responded: "He doesn't need them; dad said he eats like a horse."

My 9 year old and I went to a birthday party for a little girl from his school. The little girl's grandmother apparently had volunteered at his school before and remembered him. She came up to my child and says you might not remember me, but I came into your class a couple months ago for a little bit. He just stared at her for a couple moments then said "ok". The woman then reintroduced herself. Two hours later as we are getting ready to leave the party the woman comes back over to my child and says "It was nice seeing you again, hopefully you will remember me next time." My child replied, "But, I've already forgotten you..." He was totally baffled when the woman started cracking up