Devastated - please help!

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That' what I was thinking when I decided not to respond further. Although I'm quite happy to respond to what others have to say.

Annmaria,

I am afraid that your reply joins the group of those who seem to be incapable of thinking in nuance and prefer instead the block type of thought. My examples about the negative associations that many people in my country have with athletes or my description of my cousin's life trajectory are not reflections of my class anxiety. If this is all you could get out of that, then...I can't do anything but shrug. I am not trying to reach any ladder because, believe it or not, I don't live my life on ladders.
In a weird kind of way, I have always been exactly where I wanted to be (if you're talking about "ladders") and I would not exchange this spot for any other position in the world. Again, I managed to overestimated people's ability to catch nuances. Oh, well. If you read Tracker's book and placed everything I said IN CONTEXT, you might be able to figure it out. If not, never mind.

In this thread, I have had repeated attempts to redirect the conversation towards specific techniques that would help with my son's problems (So NO, catbalou - my son all of a sudden is NOT without problems; the problems are still there and some of them are quite serious). However, people seemed to derive a perverse pleasure in redirecting the conversation towards me and how:

- I need professional help.
- I fail to understand my son.
- I fail to understand what Aspergers is.
- If I don't fail to understand Aspergers itself, I fail to understand what's beneath Aspergers.
- I fail to understand how to parent right.
- I fail to NOT make it about me.
- I fail to allow my son to be who he REALLY is (never mind that no one here knows that).
- I failed to mourn enough and let go of my grand expectations
- ...and now...I fail to be the good ol' folk that everyone here is but me (I am "climbing ladders" instead).

Here's the deal: if you guys are getting kicks out of analyzing me and deriving some deep-seated, pleasurable self-righteousness about how YOU KNOW how to deal with AS as opposed to that nut who doesn't...then I am OK with that.
You can add 20 more pages to the thread and have fun while at it.

If this is really about helping, let me make one other attempt at changing the course by asking you about EXECUTIVE FUNCTION. This is one of the three big problems that Tracker identified as major hindrances in life for people with AS: poor stress management, problems with executive function and risk for depression.

Question: what are some of the better techniques of addressing executive function issues in a 6 yo?

Example: he absolutely HATES dressing himself. Or picking up toys/organizing his room. These are always SURE triggers for a pissy mood because they seem to be too daunting for him: too many steps, requiring focus on every successive step, making decisions, looking for things, seeing the big picture, making an effort on something he is not necessarily self-driven to ("but why can't I stay in my pajamas?").

The psychologist suggested we place a chart on the wall with pictures and steps in dressing oneself that he can check when the step is completed: 1. put on underwear (picture), check. 2. Put on T-shirt (picture), chekc.

We did this. It helped some. But he still dislikes being sent to dress himself, whines about not knowing where his clothes are, and sometimes even provokes by saying he doesn't know what to put on when you just took out the clothes and laid them out on the bed for him and he is looking at those very clothes in that very moment. Yes, I certainly want to kill him in such moments. What comes out instead is patience, nice-ness, encouraging, guiding gently and all the works. ...until he manages to go through this miserable task of dressing himself.

Bottom line though is he has clear EXECUTIVE FUNCTION issues and this is one of my biggest worries.
This is an example of "I can understand he has a problem but I am not going to shrug it off and tell myself that this is how he is, leave it alone". I am interested in finding out how to make him become a better planner or organizer.
I understood how to deal with the other two major problems, but it is not clear how to deal with this one. Is there even anything that can be done about this? Do these executive function deficits get better with time, as the brain matures?
Does teaching organizational skills help? Charts for everything? If yes, wouldn't that turn into sensory overload?
Has anyone experienced any success with DHA or any other natural supplement?

Any tips would be appreciated.
If you're feeling tempted to go down the road of "you don't understand X, you're not accepting of Y, you're trying to change your son from a into b" - then you might want to think of the first part of my post and pass. For no other reason than because this is a horse beaten to death.

Last edited by goodolddays on 18 Jul 2011, 7:13 am, edited 2 times in total.

K-R-X,

It may be just me, but that person's intervention was quite rude. AND vacant.

Jeepers Goodolddays! You know the frustration you feel with your son sometimes? Well ....you can guess the rest of that sentence. The horse thats been been beaten to death here is the one where you get tons of advice and reject it all , becasue it's not exactly what you want to hear. You perceive it as a personal attack.
I wonder, if you let your husband read this entire thread, what would be his take on it? I don't know him and mean no offense by that, only perhaps hearing the view of someone who loves and understands you, on all the stuff here? Just a thought.

Perhaps, but you're on a forum for people who, by definition, have poor social skills. It's important to try to take the good and ignore the bad.

I continue to be puzzled. Please give an example of some solid advice I rejected because I did not want to hear it.

The only such advise I reject is the kind that boils down to this:
"You should let your son be exactly the way he is without trying to do anything that might help him function better in the NT world. Just let him behave like an oddball (because there's nothing inherently wrong with oddballs) and then let him retire to a secluded spot for the rest of his days (because there is nothing wrong with seclusion).

Anything else?

OK, I'll give you once last chance at not being offensive and reply.

What you are doing, breaking it down into manageable chunks is the right way to go but he isn't going to learn overnight. He is only 6 afte rall. I used to work as a classroom assistant at lots of the 6/7 years olds struggled with getting dressed for PE. My daughter was a bit like this. She's now 17 and dresses herself just fine.

You won't be able to make the problem with executive processing go away but you can teach techniques which make it manageable in adulthood. My experience is also that it's gets easier too. For example, my daughter could not cook anything because she couldn't follow a recipe. So we were provided with special 'aspie' cook books by the hospital. They broke simple recipes in the same manner you describe for dressing. She worked and worked and worked at it, with lots of tears and tantrums along the way, but eventually she could manage them. Then we moved on to simple normal recipes, more tears, more tantrums but eventually she got it. With time and patience at 17 she can now follow enough recipes she likes to feed herself if she were living alone. (And she does them very well). She can also happily attemp new recipes without making a complete dogs dinner of them.

She also has something called a handiphone, again provided by the hospital. This is a phone with special software designed for young people with aspergers. She's had it for years. It's very simple to use, even I can do it, and it contains all her 'routines' 'schedules' 'reminders' etc It has different alarms for different reminders throughout the day. It is her lifeline. But it started out small, with just a reminder set for her to shower ever other day and a breakdown of what that involved. Once she was doing that, another thing was added. This was all done with her Occupational Therapist. (The phone looks just like an ordinary mobile so only those who need to know know what it is)

Executive function in a 6 year old... can you see the inherent diacotomy of those two things in the same sentence? If you son does indeed have AS, he more than likely follows the AS trend of delayed maturity. I was picking my daughters clothes and helping dress her until she was 8. Even now, at 9 years old, she is just beginning to pick her own clothes to wear for the day and even then she still needs help with the details like straightening shirts. She cannot tie laces and many never be able to. She can button buttons but still has a horrid time lining up the holes correctly resulting in cockeyed shirts. Brushing her hair was a nightmare until she was about 7 - she took interest in brushing her own hair around then but even now she still needs help with the back. She is about 3 years behind her peers maturity wise - and her dyspraxia limits certain skills even further.

If you consider your 6 year old son to have the natural maturity of a 3 year old, all of a sudden his executive function skills are appropriate. I personally choose to look at this paradox as having my baby be my baby just a bit longer. She won't 'grow up too fast', she'll be able to enjoy her childhood. Yes, it will require a greater commitment on my part. More than anything, it requires extra conversation and quite honestly, I do not see it as a burden. It's different than other parents experience but not 'worse'. My child is bright, outgoing, interesting and interested. She has quality and traits other parents envy us for. Those positive traits mean more to her success in life than her ability to dress herself by a specific age or the ability to clean up her room. Those will come in time.

Specific tools to assist; first and foremost, recognize his delay for what it is and what is and is not possible in fixing it. Some people swear by charts and graphs and rigid routines. That doesn't work for me personally - it actually makes me more resentful and defiant and I see those same tendancies in my daughter. A general routine that we verbally enforce everyday worked much better - a low pressure approach. We outlined what 'the morning routine' was and followed through with it step by step every morning. Same with the 'afterschool routine' and 'the bedtime routine'. Other than those three pivitol, change of routine times of the day - we did not burden her with lists and drills and practices. Especially not after her after school routine was completed. She was given recharge time. We always allow her recharge time when she needs it. She is at the point now where she can recognise when she needs alone time and requests it. Meltdowns are a thing of the past.

We do make every effort to streamline the things she could not do for herself - we laid out her clothes for her (usually as she was eating breakfast but doing it at night would help the time crunched in the morning) We give time updates to keep her on task and moving. We agree on lunch the night before and remind her what she will be having for lunch before she leaves. We still need to be in charge of making sure her book bag is packed for the day - her executive function skills aren't quite to the point where she can manage this on her own. We work on it but don't force the situation. She has labels on her drawers so she knows where everything is. Her toys are in open color coded baskets so she can find them and then know where they go when its time to put them away. Her room gets messy around the edges - and thats fine. As long as I see SOME effort to do it - I don't critique the details. Working harder isn't going to net us anything until her natural skill in these areas mature. All pressuring her will do is make her feel like a failure and undermine her self esteem.

Some kids are actually very good at catergorizing and sorting things. The problem lies in having too many unlike things in a single place - like the floor of his room. Try it one step at a time - give him red basket and label it 'Star Wars' (or whatever he has) - and ask him to pick up all his Star Wars toys. You'll have to do it over and over - trust me - I still have to do the detailed cleaning of my daughters room. BUT, now, at 9 she is FINALLY using the basket system on her own without prompting. She knows where her stuff goes each and every time and she knows where to find her stuff. Just like any kid she slacks off in the cleaning but she has finally developed the executive function skill to the point where I can see slacking for what it is.

A big messy floor full of lots of STUFF is overwhelming and, like most Aspies, it doesn't matter how messy it is - he probably knows where all his stuff is. If you move his stuff, he very well might meltdown because now he doesn't know where anything is - even if you show him. His mental map will not change that fast. It is extremely frustrating to have people mess with your mental map because it is part of your coping strategy in navigating the world around you. It's like taking one crutch away from someone with a broken leg - they can still get around but its alot more difficult and frustrating. Find the CORE reason he doesn't want to clean his room. Some of it may just be the normal kid reluctance - that IS normal for 6 years old. But there may be more reasons there.

I do not know about your son but my daughter is extremely sensitive to making mistakes. She will internalize every mistake no matter how small and use it to fuel negative, self hatred dialogues. Backing off on the pressure - which mainly came from her father - has alleviated this extremely disturbing and counterproductive behavior. Our expectations are not lower, only the timetable for success has been altered to fit her ability and level of maturity. Her official dx was absolutely necessary so the school and her own father would stop and consider that this smart outgoing child was struggling with some very basic things FOR A REASON. Once I got them backed down on the high pressure tactics, the self abusive behavior virtually disappeared and she has progressed faster on her own - with our guidance.



I do not know many 3 year olds that can do this. You really need to look hard at his maturity level - it is not something you can 'fix'. Eventually, he'll catch up but in the formative years, it can be frustrating and terrifying to think this is going to be his entire life. It's not. He'll grow up, just more slowly than his chronological age suggests. You can't force him to mature any more than you can tug on plants to make them grow faster. Support his growth, it will happen. Changing your point of view on his maturity will save you a world of frustration.

A BIG part of teaching an AS kid new skills is explaining WHY we do things the way we do them. Sometimes, a simple explanation will overcome that 'resistance' you are witnessing. He doesn't know what order to put his clothes on - use humor. What if we put pants on first and THEN underwear? Well, it wouldn't be UNDERwear then, would it? Like I said before - my daughter didn't even attempt to dress herself until 8 years old when she INSISTED we let her do it by herself. By that point my husband was convinced that we'd be dressing her for the rest of her life. We let her take the lead when she was ready - even though we were still turning her shirts around because they were on backwards and she spent the entire day with her underwear inside out. And so what?! SHE did it! Learning how to look for the tags and turn things the proper way came later - harping on those details would have only discouraged her. There are no underwear police to check and see if she's wearing them the proper way... At 8 years old, my daughter had the maturity of about a 6 year old. So, she started dressing herself 'right on time'. All the teaching, charts, cajoling, and insisting in the world did NOTHING but frustrate her. It WILL happen - just not at the 'normal' time.

Run that theory by your psychologist and see what he thinks about it.



I do not think anyone suggested 'leaving it alone' - as in do nothing and pretend the issue doesn't exist. Not a single poster here suggested that. What they DO suggest, as I have above, is to work with what you have, teach what he is capable of learning at the speed he is capable of learning it and teach yourself how to recognise what is behavior driven and what is part of his 'disability'. There is not always a clear distinct line between the two and KNOWING what is responsible for the behavior is essential if you are going to attempt to change it. If you have bronchitis, you wouldn't treat it with chemotherapy any more than you would treat lung cancer with antibiotics. If you supply the wrong treatment without KNOWING the cause of the symptoms, it is unlikely that you will get positive results.

KNOW the cause. Saying the cause is AS tells you nothing.

Some people swear by supplements, others, not so much. I think you would find greater 'control' if you can pin down whether or not ADHD is a factor for sure or not. I know that things were MUCH more difficult for us and for our daughter until we got that under control. I suggested a caffiene experiment earlier. If you do this, and do see an improvement and then share your results with a doctor - they will most likely see the corrolation. Or, just see a different doctor. Or ask your doctor to reevaluate. Many of the traits you described sound like ADHD which is all too commonly found along side AS.



I think there have been more good tips offered here than in any other single post anywhere on WP. And a few pages back someone did link previous threads that address executive function issues specifically. Just type in specific likes 'getting dressed' or 'executive function' in the search window and you'll find even more. So - to beat that dead horse one last time... Everyone here has tried their damnedest to try and word and reword those concepts in the hopes of creating some understanding. What they are trying to tell you is relevant to your questions. And they all KEEP trying, even through the frustration because they CARE what happens to you and your son. You will never find a group of people anywhere who will fight this hard, this long or this consistently for you and your son - sight unseen. And you keep returning as well. I think you may, at some level, realize that. There are many people who have invested alot of time and effort into trying to assist you. At some point, I think they all just hope that SOMEONE will say what needs to be said in a way that bridges the gap in understanding.

It is impossible to know what you've rejected, but I do know what you've mocked, and while I can understand the temptation to strike back when some posters have jumped the line and nearly flamed you, I don't think I was ever one of those posters ... And yet there, a few posts above, you include in your heavy sarcastic mocking something that came from me. Does make one feel like they've waisted their precious time, if that's what you've been doing when reading our posts, even the ones very carefully thought out.

Maybe you meant to offend, maybe you didn't, but you DID just offend me at a time I had meant to jump to your defense.

So you go with that golden way with words ....

If you take away nothing else, please do remember that the way you choose to say something can and does have negative ramifications. It is the words and attitudes that your precious child will hear, or believe he has heard, that concern me.

You know, I couldn't really have a difficult conversation with my Dad. If it got touchy, he had a bad tendency to do what you've just done, twist and mock a well meaning suggestion / potential insight. This was not good parenting; it made me susceptible to emotional abuse. You worry about bullying? Well, don't forget to worry about emotional abuse, too ... And the many ways a poor choice of words can have the same effect. Don't EVER do to your son what you just did here, no matter how well he's just pushed your buttons. And he will push your buttons - he's a kid. It's almost In the job description

My father insisted on powering through everything that was causing him pain inside, but that resolves nothing. Pain has to go somewhere, so it went on US, his family, in ways small and subtle, but very real. THAT is why I have repeated the suggestion a few times, that you need to do something similar to mourning. I can feel, here in your posts, the upset, and I can see the destruction you are throwing off as you try to power through it. This isn't some weird psycho-babble, or a random shot in the dark; it something my life experience, my experience on this board, have taught me, and your reactions strongly seem to confirm. NO ONE can swallow such a big change in the way the world looks without some version of mourning the loss of the old one. I'm not talking about some vision of sports and parties you've lost; it doesn't take more than realizing that what you once saw as a "pathology" (your word, in this thread) actually applies to at least part of your family to feel your world's gone upside down.

I had to learn it myself the hard way. Tough as nails worked for me when I was single, and could spend my evenings alone doing slightly nutty things that made me feel better, and vent to adults who knew to just let me vent. But after I had kids, I learned fast that they paid the price for every moment of bad mood, and I had to learn the proper process for dealing with negative emotions and major shifts of life. It isn't going to kill you to admit that there might be something emotional you can't just fix by yourself; and it is going to help your family.

I understand I may not always get it right, all the reading between the lines that GOOD advice requires, and I certainly have my moods where I say things I know I probably should not (like now), but I've got an excellent track record (I get the feedback), and I'll be cocky enough to suggest your failing to see my point is your - and your son's - loss. I'm sorry for that, but I've done what I can on it and I have a real life that needs me.

As for dressing ... and I guess this doesn't really answer your specific question, I wrote it before I realized that, but am leaving it anyway: I helped my kids until they didn't want me to, longer than "normal" for both, even through that phase of not really needing the help, but wanting it anyway. They had no trouble acquiring the skill when they were ready, and thankfully that was before I'd pulled my hair out over their taking so long with it, or I may have re-thought the approach. Overall, I am a child centered parent, and I have no patience for people who believe that is incompatible with raising strong and independent kids: I have the proof in front of me that they are wrong, that pushing and shoving kids into skills isn't necessary for the kids to grow up, even if it may be necessary for the sanity of the parents (which matters, a lot, but why then can't parents just say they are doing it for themselves, instead of insisting it's because it's best for the kids?). My parenting hasn't stopped my kids from moving into independence and responsibility at all.

Last edited by DW_a_mom on 18 Jul 2011, 12:09 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Stage whisper: (Hey guys and gals at WP, I don't think she will ever actually stop making deragatory remarks here unelss we give her the last word. I think she has an absolute pathological need for it.)

draelyn, Mother_Knows_Best, and DW a Mom,

Thank you for all the details about the executive function problem - they certainly help, as this is one of his main weakness areas and one that I am not 100% sure how to handle.
Yes, I will try the caffeine test as soon as I am back in the States.

It was just never clear to me whether these deficits in exec function DO get better in time or not - and to what extent they can be managed so they will no longer be an obstacle in the way of a young adult achieving some relatively complex goals (much more than just dressing tasks/large projects). After all, let's face it - a complete lack of such skills translate into complete suicide in the work world.

I did have a feeling that the "dressing oneself" task must get better in time, even for the most severe AS. But then again, as kids grow, tasks become much more complex too. I am not sure to what extent more complex tasks can be managed with a variety of techniques. Say...a complicated school project? Or maybe a heavy schedule?
The handiphone sounds line a neat gadget even for an NT person.

As for skills...he can absolutely dress himself but he'd rather not because the task feels daunting to him. This is often a trigger of a tantrum. Not a full meltdown...as he rarely gets there because of such a thing, but like I called it, he switches to a "pissy mode" in a matter of seconds when he is told that it's time to dress himself.
Like your daughter, draelynn, he often has his buttons misaligned and cannot tie his shoe strings. Indeed, right now it feels like he will never be able to.

What concerns me most are episodes like the one I described: you give him the clothes, lay them out for him...and he looks at them and says in a whining voice "I have no clothes, I don't know what to put on". It is clear there is an emotional upset underneath (the fact of having to dress himself usually triggers the negative emotion) and then he says those nonsensical things to get a reaction from me. If I continue to explain the obvious, like "no, look, the clothes are right here, I took them out for you" he insists that they are not there ("sky is green" type of approach). If I pretend I didn't hear him, he gets even more upset because he missed the target of getting a reaction out of me. If I try to distract him with something nice and cheerful, he won't let go. In those moments, he seems to want to cause the trouble all the way 'til the end.

How would you ideally deal with such episodes, in behavioral terms, if your son/daughter said that?

Thanks again for your recent messages.

Finally...

Of course! This is exactly why I have come back quite a few times. Because some people did spend a lot of time offering very useful and/or interesting information and I would have felt rude to just disappear without acknowledging what they wrote. Earlier, one of the posters (forgive my lapse at this moment) thought I was ignoring her on purpose. I wasn't. I have been very appreciative of all the tips and instructions I received here but I am still uncomfortable with the strong "Evangelical" flavor of the board.

It is time for a longer break now as I am getting ready for an overseas trip.
Thanks again for all the time everyone took to write.

I added clarifications to my last post that may have been missed by timing. Just FYI.

And it's one thing to admit you are having trouble with the tone of some of posts, or to say you disagree, which most people can understand, and another to mock the honest efforts behind some of the posts. You throw out "thank you" in a broad and airy way, but act differently, making it difficult to believe you are sincere. Frustrating.

Well. We all have our journey's to go on, and yours is unique to you, which I know and respect. But I am left wondering if I made a wise investment to put in so many hours here ... shame, really. All there is to get back for it is a sense of doing good somehow, and you just don't want or know how to give us that.

When someone says they are offended by something, as I did, most people respond to clarify in one direction or another, but you don't do that, either.

Frustrating.

All right. I'll admit I'm feeling touchy. But I can give you a solid reason for trying harder in this area: you will get more from the IEP team if they see you as someone they can work with. IEP teams are made up of humans, and humans need their egos stroked, they need to feel valued, and to believe their efforts make a positive difference. I have always gotten MORE from the IEP team than I've asked for, and the first time someone suggested it was because I'm (don't laugh) so easy to work with, I didn't really want to believe it, because in an ideal world they should fight for every child, no matter what the parents are like. But as I've watched and observed, I know it isn't true, not all kids are fought for equally. If you're sugar (albeit on top a frame of steel) your child gets more, plain and simple. Act in those meetings as you have with us, and you will not get for your child all that you might have.

Last edited by DW_a_mom on 18 Jul 2011, 12:30 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Explain to him why he should be wearing clothes.
Most of us don't like to do things unless we see the reason for it.

Those clothes are stupid. I'm already wearing clothes (pyjamas) why do i need to put those ones on. That makes no sense. Mommy you're making no sense *engage "pissy" mode*

^^^ I'm running an exaggeration of your son's internal monologue. I'm trying to get you to see that he's got thoughts in there - he just can't explain it to you yet. I'm also showing you how rude calling it "pissy mode" is; it's not pissy mode, it's frustration at not understanding what mom is telling him, and at mom getting upset over it.

Suggestions:
DONT try and get him to dress when he's already dressed (in pyjamas or whatever) INSTEAD, give him a bath, then walk him into his room, where the clothes are laid out (and if on the bed has failed, lay them on the floor instead) and sit in a chair in a corner with the door closed. "Nobody wants to see naked people outside of a bedroom or bathroom, so you need to get dressed before we leave the room - underwear go on first. You know how to do that, we've done it together before."

Don't shorten that. Don't just say "we arent leaving until you dress"
You need to give him a VALID reason to get dressed.
And again, start from naked, not from clothed.

Note:

VALID reason means a reason VALID to HIM. Your reason is built on years of experience and conformity.

His is based on pure simple existant reality.

Whenever he gets "pissy" stop and realize it's because either you failed to give him a valid reason to do something, OR your "valid" reason isn't valid to him - don't get pissed at that, adjust to it. Learn to think like him. He's a kid - you're an adult. Be adaptable, because you (suppossedly) have more years and experience. More practice at the world. More maturity and more skills. And it's your job to protect and lead... In whatever way is best for him.

DW a mom,

A lot has been written here - and I am afraid I did not clearly understand which part of my posts you took as a personal offense. If you can be more specific, I will clarify. You said this:



I am not sure what was that SOMETHING and which "heavy sarcastic mocking" you were referring to. I am replying here out of respect for you because I don't wan't to just pretend I am not hearing. I would consider this to be rude and indeed, frustrating. I am just not sure what you are talking about.

goodolddays: First, if I have ever said anything to offend, I apologize. I have only meant to help.

As for the clothing issue. I am thinking that when he says: I have no clothes" he may mean, I don't want those clothes. Have you tried to allow him to choose from two or three shirts (If he does not like them, try some more shirts)? He may want to have control in what he is doing, but is not sure how to get there or how to express it.

Both my oldest daughter and I have this problem. I have to have anything important that I have to do written in a planner (including lunch -
i will forget to eat if I do not). Very detailed lists are extremely helpful to me. By detailed, I don't mean say "Step One: Put on shoes." I mean Step one: Find shoes. Step two: pick shoes up. Step three: put shoe on right foot, Step four:... etc. Doing this gives a semblance of order, and after a while, he will not need to look at a list, he will just do it himself.

My oldest cannot clean a room if I tell her to just do it. She either has a meltdown or she just walks away and says: "Why bother?" Like the shoe example, I have to give her step by step instructions on what to do and NOT make any assumptions. For example, I will not just say "Pick up trash". I will say "Pick up trash and throw trash away." The more detailed the better.

He is a bit young for this, but seeing what he is going through now, this may be an issue when he is in higher levels of school and has to take work home to finish it (you may be able to apply it to something similar that is more his age level). My daughter just finished her 9th grade year. Up until I gained custody of her, everyone had tried everything they could with her. Her teachers and IEP people were pulling their hair out because of her disorganization. I found a simple solution for her. She has a two folder system. Both folders have four pockets (only one needs four pockets, but I do it for consistency). The one folder is in her least favorite color (pink). I did that so she would not loose it. It stands out. This is the four pocket folder. On the left side in the back pocket is anything she may need to finish her work (like a periodic table, for example). In front of that goes all her unfinished homework. (When she comes home, I organize them in an order for her that is the least stressful.) On t he right side in the back is any blank papers she will need. This includes graphing paper, blank paper and lined paper as needed for those particular classes). Finally in the front right I have her put her finished work. Again, I organize them into the order of her classes so that she knows as soon as she opens the folder if she has work to turn in or not. I also label each pocket for what they are for. She mixes up directions, so for her, this is necessary. The second folder is a catch-all folder. Last year, her father had put it in her IEP that she was to keep a binder for each class, so she was carrying 4-5 different binders at the same time. They took up a lot of room in her back pack (Her intervention specialist called it the Deep Abyss). Because she was pressed for time, she would throw graded papers and tests in her backpack (or even homework if she was being particularly rushed) and they would get lost and would either be turned in late or not turned in at all. The second folder became the place where she puts anything that she does not have time to organize in.

As long as she followed this process, she was very successful in not only completing her assignments on time, but also turning them in. Towards the end of the year, she became a little laxed and started not bringing thing home, and would tell me she did not have work to do. When I would check online (they keep a running list of graded assignments and tests online), I would see she was missing several assignments. The next strategy I came up with was for her to have a small notebook that she carried around to each class with each class listed on it. At the end of each class, she was to write what homework she had to do and the teacher was to initial it. If there was no work, she was to write "none" and the teacher still had to initial it. This worked very well.

I guess what I am trying to get at is that you need to be extremely specific when telling someone with this type of problem what to do. Myself, I have problems in my classes that I have to write essays in. My Philosophy of Religions professor told us to write anything on the topic of Philosophy of Religions. My mind blanked. After speaking with him (I was in the process of getting diagnosed at this time), he gave me a specific topic to work on. It was so much easier and less overwhelming. In other words: vague is bad, but specifics are good.