need opinions on my 4 year old please

Post Reply New Topic

[quote="Tawaki"

Aspies running=get away from a situation, sensory overload
ODD running=control (literally, I can and WILL do what I want), and make you crazy until you cave. My ODD student "Biff", ran into the middle of a six lane road, and stood still until a gravel hauler was almost on top of him. Ask his mom if she crapped her pants. He was 9. He climbed on the house roof and threatened to jump if his demands weren't met. His actions were scary.
[/quote]

This makes me think of something that happened last night.
It was 7pm which is normally when my daughter has quiet drawing time while I put her little brother to bed. But my husband was on the phone with his dad. (Not normal activity for this time) My daughter gets very excited over her grandpa. She starts running back and forth through the house and bouncing around. I have seen this behavior before.. many times, in different situtations.
When my husband finally got off the phone I told my daughter it was quiet time and her brother was going to bed. She couldn't calm down. It took a few tries but she agreed to a quiet activity and it helped her calm down. This was a new approach for my husband to use and it worked. It doesn't always go this well though.

My daughter runs back and forth or in circles and bounces around, when we go out, also when her brother is fussing a lot, when somebody comes over... there are other situations too but I'm too tired to remember right now.


There are instances when it could seem like she is tantruming to get her way. Like today, we sat down for lunch and I gave her a bowl of veggies first ( which is not unusual) and made her a sandwich which I left on the counter untik she was done with her veggies. She was fine until she realized I didn't put her sandwich on the table and started demanding I put it on the table. This unrolled into a tantrum but I didn't give in and eventually she asked for a hug and I gave her one. She then ate her veggies and got her sandwich.
I was worried today would be bad since my husband started a new job today after being at home for several months. Don't know if this had anything to do with her flipping out over the sandwich.

Thanks for the links! I think my daughter seems to have many of the traits described in that first one. Though its hard to say for certain how she does witgh peers since she doesnt have much contact with kids her own age right now.

The one for adult women I found sounded an awful lot like myself.

Sounds like overload to me, things just reaching a point that her brain can no longer process it. I noticed in my son that it was very common for him to "accelerate" and seem happy and energetic right before a huge meltdown and crash. Another warning sign was an increased attempt to control things around him and have them his way. All signs that he was having trouble coping.

I found it helpful to go into stores with a clear plan that was outlined to my son. Having something for him to focus on and "do" helped him deal with the sensory issues. Kind of like what I call the map trick - if you go to an amusement park or an unfamiliar city, letting your ASD child control the map seems to help them cope.

I don't have time to write it all out now, but one goal with an ASD child is to eventually get them to see their own triggers and either learn to self-mitigate or communicate with you that they feel the acceleration. I think its great that she can describe what her head feels like because that gives you something to use: ask her if it is possible to let you know when it starts to get like that so that you can help her. At the same time, see you can identify the subtle changes in her demeanor that tend to accompany it, so that you can work on mitigation earlier. The more you see the patterns, the more you can prevent meltdowns and issues.

Remember that behavior is often an indicator of something else going on. If there is a SOURCE to the behavior, then you have to deal with the source. ASD kids are often misdiagnosed for the simple fact that what shows outwardly doesn't always seem connected to a source we can identify with, yet it still can be a very real trigger.

Anyway. Try the protocols on this site and see if they help. They certainly aren't going to hurt.

Just remember that "getting her own way" can, at times, be a NEED, not a want. The world is a super confusing place, and having certain things done in a certain way gives the child something to hold onto.

NT kids can be funny about things like this at this age, too, and I think it comes from a similar place.

To the extent it makes sense, I believe in remembering and conforming to these needs. Personally, I found it easier to remember my kids quirks than deal with the tantrums and stress build up that happened when I got stubborn about being "the parent." The thing is, it is not like I ended up raising spoiled brats; these were PHASES and things they outgrew. As long as you stay aware, you'll see the door openings that let you change things up. And it isn't like I never drew a line in the sand; I drew plenty of them, just I picked my battles carefully in an effort to meet all the competing needs in our family. I made lots of mistakes over time in thinking something was a "want" when it was actually some odd "need," but you learn how to adapt and course-correct without seeming like complete putty to your kids. A whole lot of this is going to be instinct; there is no guidebook that will tell you how to be sure which is which when.

Anyway, good luck. You sound like a very thoughtful parent, and that will go a long, long way.