19 Feb 2014, 10:33 pm
19 Feb 2014, 10:34 pm
19 Feb 2014, 10:35 pm
OliveOilMom wrote:
wozeree wrote:
cubedemon6073 wrote:
OliveOilMom wrote:
Here's the thing. And honestly, I'm really about done here and about to be out of it. The forum I mean. My generation and the next one, like my grown kids, I can't do anything to help. They bought into the victim mentality. Oh God, I have AS, I can't do ANYTHING, EVER! But maybe this next generation I can help out. If one parent out here hears me and doesn't write me off as a nutcase, I'll be happy. Stop treating your AS kids like little spun glass creations, cause you will turn them into that if you aren't careful. We are tougher than you think. We can learn things. Treat them like you would any other kid. Any other kid that you would let learn to grow up that is. Don't make their AS your life's mission. Have your own life's mission which doesn't include them! Yes, it sounds cold but do it!
Don't let the dx play you. It's playing too many people as it is. "Oh, my poor child! I must protect him and wrap him in cotton gauze because he's so fragile!" Yeah, keep doing that and you breed a basement dweller who thinks the world is against him, CAUSE YOU TAUGHT HIM THAT! Teach them that they can fight back. That they can speak up. That they can prove themselves and you expect nothing less and you tolerate nothing less! Do not do them like my mother did me! I barely escaped, and yes, stupid whining girl from another thread or not, I happen to be strong. I wasn't born that way, I learned to be that way. It's the best gift you can ever give your kids, to make them fight their own battles, grow up, act right, etc. You may say "But AS kids aren't like other kids". YES WE ARE! WE DONT WANT TO BE! STOP TREATING US LIKE WE ARE SO DiFFERENT! If you keep treating us like we are different, then you are no better than the bullies, except you bully us into staying in our little shells, in your control, etc.
I got one that I think has it and he's also deaf in one ear. So the hell what? He's learned to live in the real world. He's GLAD he did. i showed him this before I posted it and he just said "Fistbump Mom" and he did. He can function just as well as any other man around can. Because he wasn't coddled. Because he was made to toughen up. He's gratefull to me for that. My mother would have me living there with her and a ton of f***ing cats if she could. Oh, hell no.
My oldest moved back in recently. the boy i didnt talk to in three years! he went to move back in and i told him that he has three months then his s**ts gonna be in the yard and the locks are changed. You HAVE TO be that way with them! And he's even NT.
Either way, I'm pretty much done. Overprotective Moms, ya'll just yell at me now, but remember. You reap what you sow.
Don't let the dx play you. It's playing too many people as it is. "Oh, my poor child! I must protect him and wrap him in cotton gauze because he's so fragile!" Yeah, keep doing that and you breed a basement dweller who thinks the world is against him, CAUSE YOU TAUGHT HIM THAT! Teach them that they can fight back. That they can speak up. That they can prove themselves and you expect nothing less and you tolerate nothing less! Do not do them like my mother did me! I barely escaped, and yes, stupid whining girl from another thread or not, I happen to be strong. I wasn't born that way, I learned to be that way. It's the best gift you can ever give your kids, to make them fight their own battles, grow up, act right, etc. You may say "But AS kids aren't like other kids". YES WE ARE! WE DONT WANT TO BE! STOP TREATING US LIKE WE ARE SO DiFFERENT! If you keep treating us like we are different, then you are no better than the bullies, except you bully us into staying in our little shells, in your control, etc.
I got one that I think has it and he's also deaf in one ear. So the hell what? He's learned to live in the real world. He's GLAD he did. i showed him this before I posted it and he just said "Fistbump Mom" and he did. He can function just as well as any other man around can. Because he wasn't coddled. Because he was made to toughen up. He's gratefull to me for that. My mother would have me living there with her and a ton of f***ing cats if she could. Oh, hell no.
My oldest moved back in recently. the boy i didnt talk to in three years! he went to move back in and i told him that he has three months then his s**ts gonna be in the yard and the locks are changed. You HAVE TO be that way with them! And he's even NT.
Either way, I'm pretty much done. Overprotective Moms, ya'll just yell at me now, but remember. You reap what you sow.
Well, let's look at your track record. How many times have you complained about your husband and this ole boy guy you are seeing on the side? Let's also see. You have herpes by Ole Boy as well. I believe your husband is an alcoholic. Your son does not have a steady job and didn't you say he dropped out of high school as well or am I mistaken. There was one incident you and your own children cursed out your own husband. Why did you do this? Let's if I can remember. Oh yes, I remember, it was because your husband wanted to have sex with a prostitute and wasn't this during his birthday.
Everyone can look all of this up and confirm this for yourself and go through all of her posts. They speak for themselves. Would you want to raise your child in the environment she has brought her children up in. Is this the kind of tough you all want in which the toughness leads to one getting herpes? When I look at the evidence presented before me from all of your posts, I think if I was you I would rather have lived with your mother and many cats. Is this the toughness that parents want from their children?
Like she says, "You reap what you sow." Parents, look up all of her posts and weigh the evidence for yourselves and come to your own conclusions.
In addition, look at what is going on with our country as well. By what is going on in our country especially with those who have had problems obtaining a career after college. A number of them were expected to do it on their own and a number of them failed? Are children taught the critical thinking skills needed in school to being able to navigate their careers and to dissect the arguments of what authority figures say? Based upon the outcome of the job market, I think we need more parental involvement, not less. Children need more guidance than ever not less. Look at the evidence as to how America is today. Children need real skills and real instruction not self-esteem classes.
I don't disagree with what Olive Oil Mom said, but just wanted to point out - you forgot that she is going to sell her 17 y o daughter to gypsies for $10,000. Because to not sell her to gypsies would be coddling her. (I still think she's pulling out legs.)
Look, she doesn't want to marry him, so she doesn't have to. That's so last week.
Huh?
OliveOilMom
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19 Feb 2014, 10:38 pm
Marcia wrote:
I don't consider myself to be an over-protective mother. If anything, I'm more hands-off than many I know.
However, not all children "come through", and of those that do, many are scarred for life by experiences for which they were unprepared and received little to no support.
It's a difficult balancing act for all parents, and we have to take into account all the factors at any given time.
However, not all children "come through", and of those that do, many are scarred for life by experiences for which they were unprepared and received little to no support.
It's a difficult balancing act for all parents, and we have to take into account all the factors at any given time.
Which is why we are there for our kids when the real things happen. Not just somebody not inviting him to a party or somebody making fun of him at lunch or even some kid hitting him at PE. We provide the balance. We are the ones who, by our actions, show him what's really important and what is trivial. Yes, we should be there to hold them and listen to them when they have to deal with the trivial, yet painful, parts of childhood,. I'm not saying to just slam your door and yell "SWIM OR DROWN!" at them. Be there for them, but teach them to do for themselves where they can, and never, EVER presume that because you could handle it easier that they can't handle it for themselves or shouldn't. That was basically my point.
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19 Feb 2014, 10:40 pm
OliveOilMom
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19 Feb 2014, 10:40 pm
beneficii wrote:
OliveOilMom wrote:
wozeree wrote:
cubedemon6073 wrote:
OliveOilMom wrote:
Here's the thing. And honestly, I'm really about done here and about to be out of it. The forum I mean. My generation and the next one, like my grown kids, I can't do anything to help. They bought into the victim mentality. Oh God, I have AS, I can't do ANYTHING, EVER! But maybe this next generation I can help out. If one parent out here hears me and doesn't write me off as a nutcase, I'll be happy. Stop treating your AS kids like little spun glass creations, cause you will turn them into that if you aren't careful. We are tougher than you think. We can learn things. Treat them like you would any other kid. Any other kid that you would let learn to grow up that is. Don't make their AS your life's mission. Have your own life's mission which doesn't include them! Yes, it sounds cold but do it!
Don't let the dx play you. It's playing too many people as it is. "Oh, my poor child! I must protect him and wrap him in cotton gauze because he's so fragile!" Yeah, keep doing that and you breed a basement dweller who thinks the world is against him, CAUSE YOU TAUGHT HIM THAT! Teach them that they can fight back. That they can speak up. That they can prove themselves and you expect nothing less and you tolerate nothing less! Do not do them like my mother did me! I barely escaped, and yes, stupid whining girl from another thread or not, I happen to be strong. I wasn't born that way, I learned to be that way. It's the best gift you can ever give your kids, to make them fight their own battles, grow up, act right, etc. You may say "But AS kids aren't like other kids". YES WE ARE! WE DONT WANT TO BE! STOP TREATING US LIKE WE ARE SO DiFFERENT! If you keep treating us like we are different, then you are no better than the bullies, except you bully us into staying in our little shells, in your control, etc.
I got one that I think has it and he's also deaf in one ear. So the hell what? He's learned to live in the real world. He's GLAD he did. i showed him this before I posted it and he just said "Fistbump Mom" and he did. He can function just as well as any other man around can. Because he wasn't coddled. Because he was made to toughen up. He's gratefull to me for that. My mother would have me living there with her and a ton of f***ing cats if she could. Oh, hell no.
My oldest moved back in recently. the boy i didnt talk to in three years! he went to move back in and i told him that he has three months then his s**ts gonna be in the yard and the locks are changed. You HAVE TO be that way with them! And he's even NT.
Either way, I'm pretty much done. Overprotective Moms, ya'll just yell at me now, but remember. You reap what you sow.
Don't let the dx play you. It's playing too many people as it is. "Oh, my poor child! I must protect him and wrap him in cotton gauze because he's so fragile!" Yeah, keep doing that and you breed a basement dweller who thinks the world is against him, CAUSE YOU TAUGHT HIM THAT! Teach them that they can fight back. That they can speak up. That they can prove themselves and you expect nothing less and you tolerate nothing less! Do not do them like my mother did me! I barely escaped, and yes, stupid whining girl from another thread or not, I happen to be strong. I wasn't born that way, I learned to be that way. It's the best gift you can ever give your kids, to make them fight their own battles, grow up, act right, etc. You may say "But AS kids aren't like other kids". YES WE ARE! WE DONT WANT TO BE! STOP TREATING US LIKE WE ARE SO DiFFERENT! If you keep treating us like we are different, then you are no better than the bullies, except you bully us into staying in our little shells, in your control, etc.
I got one that I think has it and he's also deaf in one ear. So the hell what? He's learned to live in the real world. He's GLAD he did. i showed him this before I posted it and he just said "Fistbump Mom" and he did. He can function just as well as any other man around can. Because he wasn't coddled. Because he was made to toughen up. He's gratefull to me for that. My mother would have me living there with her and a ton of f***ing cats if she could. Oh, hell no.
My oldest moved back in recently. the boy i didnt talk to in three years! he went to move back in and i told him that he has three months then his s**ts gonna be in the yard and the locks are changed. You HAVE TO be that way with them! And he's even NT.
Either way, I'm pretty much done. Overprotective Moms, ya'll just yell at me now, but remember. You reap what you sow.
Well, let's look at your track record. How many times have you complained about your husband and this ole boy guy you are seeing on the side? Let's also see. You have herpes by Ole Boy as well. I believe your husband is an alcoholic. Your son does not have a steady job and didn't you say he dropped out of high school as well or am I mistaken. There was one incident you and your own children cursed out your own husband. Why did you do this? Let's if I can remember. Oh yes, I remember, it was because your husband wanted to have sex with a prostitute and wasn't this during his birthday.
Everyone can look all of this up and confirm this for yourself and go through all of her posts. They speak for themselves. Would you want to raise your child in the environment she has brought her children up in. Is this the kind of tough you all want in which the toughness leads to one getting herpes? When I look at the evidence presented before me from all of your posts, I think if I was you I would rather have lived with your mother and many cats. Is this the toughness that parents want from their children?
Like she says, "You reap what you sow." Parents, look up all of her posts and weigh the evidence for yourselves and come to your own conclusions.
In addition, look at what is going on with our country as well. By what is going on in our country especially with those who have had problems obtaining a career after college. A number of them were expected to do it on their own and a number of them failed? Are children taught the critical thinking skills needed in school to being able to navigate their careers and to dissect the arguments of what authority figures say? Based upon the outcome of the job market, I think we need more parental involvement, not less. Children need more guidance than ever not less. Look at the evidence as to how America is today. Children need real skills and real instruction not self-esteem classes.
I don't disagree with what Olive Oil Mom said, but just wanted to point out - you forgot that she is going to sell her 17 y o daughter to gypsies for $10,000. Because to not sell her to gypsies would be coddling her. (I still think she's pulling out legs.)
Look, she doesn't want to marry him, so she doesn't have to. That's so last week.
Huh?
Oh, another family who has a gay son who needs to marry offered 10 grand for my daughter to marry him. I thought it would be great, since neither one like each other romantically but are friends. She didn't want to do it, so ok. But it would have been great for her. She could have used the ten grand for school and they could have gone to NOLA together on their "Honeymoon" which is her dream vacation. Plus, he wouldn't let anything happen to her, he's great. He's a good friend. He doesn't want sex with her either, he's strictly dickly.
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OliveOilMom
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19 Feb 2014, 10:46 pm
cubedemon6073 wrote:
OliveOilMom, I am sorry for all the BS you're going through and I apologize that I was a sh** to you as well. I'm going through some crap myself. You're in a lot of pain and I am sorry.
What I see is this and these are my guesses. You have went the complete opposite extreme of her and you have a complex of some kind in the Freudian and Jungian sense. This is due to three things. One is the aspie trait of black and white thinking. The other is in your own way you want to rebel and get her back. The third is you want to protect your own children in your own way.
What I see is this and these are my guesses. You have went the complete opposite extreme of her and you have a complex of some kind in the Freudian and Jungian sense. This is due to three things. One is the aspie trait of black and white thinking. The other is in your own way you want to rebel and get her back. The third is you want to protect your own children in your own way.
Awww, thank you. Usually me and you don't get along because the way you come across, all cerebral and s**t, seems condescending. But, if I stop and read it, you are right on the money many times. This time you were. I so f*****g hate my mother. I want her to have her commuppance and people see her for what she is and I know that won't happen! I figured out how I'm gonna get back at her though. She doesn't believe in funerals. I'm her closest surviving relative. It's all up to me. Guess what's going to happen when she dies? Yep. Open casket, three day wake, High Requiem Mass. All that. Even a f*****g choir. Maybe bagpipes too! And an accordian! It's petty, but it doesn't matter. In my head I will win.
As for rebelling, you got that right! All my life you tell me something is white and I'll argue to the corner that it's black, and vice versa. I really should have been a lawyer but I have too much of a temper. She's a chameleon. Whoever says something to her, she will go along with. I f*****g HATE THAT about her. She's lied about me, done horrible s**t to me, etc. But I have told her "You wait, you best hope you die before being helpless and letting me choose your nursing home!"
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OliveOilMom
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19 Feb 2014, 10:53 pm
LabPet wrote:
Many thanks, OliveOilMom......& I'm behind you on this one! Because Aspies are different, being tough is requisite. We'll learn that on our own. To be treated with dignity, to acknowledge our strengths, goes a long way. I think it's an important distinction that parents (and any other adult) can be sensitive and caring without coddling any given Aspie.
Exactly! Look at you! you are a damn rocket scientist or a brain surgeon or maybe a brain scientist, I don't know, but you are something! You said you have trouble talking a lot of times. OK, so as parents they don't say "Talk or fail" but they say "Give her what she needs to do the work, let her figure it out from there with the other kids". When one is absolutely horrible, then they step in, but not just if somebody is being a douche to you about something. We have AS, people are going to be douches to us all our lives. That won't stop when we hit 18 or 25 or 48 when our parents die and leave us the house and all. We HAVE to learn to deal with it in whatever way we can. I happened to find the redneck way. I kind of think you found a more graceful and refined way to deal with them, but we all got our own ways of doing things. Your parents didn't hire somebody to follow you around the school and speak for you when you couldn't did they? They let you figure out how to communicate on your own, ONCE THEY GAVE YOU THE TOOLS.
I'm not saying dont give your kids the tools. Im saying give your kids the tools, but don't follow them around and try to use them for them.
And I loved that rat commercial! LOLOL That was great! I also love cheese.
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19 Feb 2014, 11:00 pm
OliveOilMom
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19 Feb 2014, 11:04 pm
em_tsuj wrote:
I agree with OliveOilMom. I don't think it is just AS kids either.
It's not at all. Are you kidding? This coddling trend has gone way overboard. My oldest daughter had another girl spend the night with her about ten years back. The girl was about 12 but slept with her mother. I was supposed to let the girl sleep in the bed with me. Uh, no. Sleep in there with all the rest of them girls or go home. She went home. Her mother got mad too. yet, this was the same mother who got mad at me when I said to her not to never say that to my younger daughter again when she called my younger daughters Alladin barbie doll a "n***** boy". It wasn't that my daughter hadn't heard that kind of talk before, but she didn't need to be taught to think of things that way, you see what I'm saying? Yet that lady had taught her own 12 year old daughter that it was perfectly ok to sleep in her mother's bed and she should EXPECT TO sleep in the bed of any mother whose friend she spent the night with. I was the only one who said not just no, but Hell No, what the hell is wrong with you?
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OliveOilMom
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19 Feb 2014, 11:11 pm
cubedemon6073 wrote:
OliveOilMom wrote:
cubedemon6073 wrote:
OliveOilMom, I am sorry for all the BS you're going through and I apologize that I was a sh** to you as well. I'm going through some crap myself. You're in a lot of pain and I am sorry.
What I see is this and these are my guesses. You have went the complete opposite extreme of her and you have a complex of some kind in the Freudian and Jungian sense. This is due to three things. One is the aspie trait of black and white thinking. The other is in your own way you want to rebel and get her back. The third is you want to protect your own children in your own way.
What I see is this and these are my guesses. You have went the complete opposite extreme of her and you have a complex of some kind in the Freudian and Jungian sense. This is due to three things. One is the aspie trait of black and white thinking. The other is in your own way you want to rebel and get her back. The third is you want to protect your own children in your own way.
Awww, thank you. Usually me and you don't get along because the way you come across, all cerebral and sh**, seems condescending. But, if I stop and read it, you are right on the money many times. This time you were. I so f***ing hate my mother. I want her to have her commuppance and people see her for what she is and I know that won't happen! I figured out how I'm gonna get back at her though. She doesn't believe in funerals. I'm her closest surviving relative. It's all up to me. Guess what's going to happen when she dies? Yep. Open casket, three day wake, High Requiem Mass. All that. Even a f***ing choir. Maybe bagpipes too! And an accordian! It's petty, but it doesn't matter. In my head I will win.
As for rebelling, you got that right! All my life you tell me something is white and I'll argue to the corner that it's black, and vice versa. I really should have been a lawyer but I have too much of a temper. She's a chameleon. Whoever says something to her, she will go along with. I f***ing HATE THAT about her. She's lied about me, done horrible sh** to me, etc. But I have told her "You wait, you best hope you die before being helpless and letting me choose your nursing home!"
OOM, it's fine a lot of people can't stand me. I just simply don't grasp a lot of things which is why I ask a lot of questions and I just draw conclusions on the stuff I do know.
Another conclusion I will draw is your mother fits the criteria for Munchausen syndrome by proxy. I am 99.9% certain she has this and you're a victim.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M%C3%BCnch ... e_by_proxy
Well, a therapist and I talked about that before. She didn't make me sick so she was borderline with it I suppse. She was dx'd with borderline personality disorder back when i was in high school and she was going to grayson. She got SO MAD at him cause he was supposed to just listen to her talk about stress. I mean she was DON there and tried to get his privelages took away after that and he couldn't even talk about it. But I like gary grayson. he saw my husband after my husband cheated on me and then wrecked his car and we put him in psyche. he's the kind of shrink that works great with me. Dh saw him once, i was there. It lasted about 80 seconds. He didn't even sit down. He came in said "i read the file. that's a sh***y way to try and hurt somebody. Keep your dick in your pants (looking at DH) and then looked at me and said shutup sometimes. You can go home today". Kinda succinct but he was right on the money. Now see, if you get somebody there, all raw and hurting and somebody like that comes in and lays the cards on the table, you are going to have a problem and some kind of suicide watch. He's the one who actually spoke up and told my mother what was wrong with her then she hated him forever after. To this day she pretends she don't remember it.
Like I was trying to point out before. Creating tender, raw, sensitive kids is great and fine when you are home stretching out your childbearing years and usefullness in your head to take care of them, but what happens when you die? You might as well throw a baby without a diaper or a botle or titty out there in the middle of a s**t load of hungry pit bulls, cause thats what will happen. You have to teach them how to deal with those dogs before you die and they are stuck with them.
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20 Feb 2014, 4:36 am
OliveOilMom
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20 Feb 2014, 5:37 am
Schneekugel wrote:
I dont know what issues people have with pointing out on that herpes stuff. 90% of humanity have herpes. ^^ Its simply normally resting because being fought by your immune system. Now if you have whyever contact with someone, actually having active herpes, because of his/her immune system being down, then its rather likely, that because of the great amount of viruses you get in touch, your immune system will need some days to fight it back, so you will have as well active herpes for some days. But actually its nothing special, but something that everyone has, from priest to virign library secretary. ^^
I dont believe in hardness or toughness, as well as not into comforting too much or whatever. I simply hope I manage my kids to have the self esteem and patient security in themselves, to simply say, if something is not ok for them, or if they have certain needs, without bothering themselves if they are normal or not. To simply have the courage to live their life, so that it fits them. I dont think getting "hard" is therefore the right way, because most people that are "hard" against others, act as well so against themselves. And I want my kids to respect themselves as much as others.
If it worked, I might be able to tell you in 20 years. ^^
I dont believe in hardness or toughness, as well as not into comforting too much or whatever. I simply hope I manage my kids to have the self esteem and patient security in themselves, to simply say, if something is not ok for them, or if they have certain needs, without bothering themselves if they are normal or not. To simply have the courage to live their life, so that it fits them. I dont think getting "hard" is therefore the right way, because most people that are "hard" against others, act as well so against themselves. And I want my kids to respect themselves as much as others.
If it worked, I might be able to tell you in 20 years. ^^
Yeah, herpes is real. It's not like some kind of abstract thing. You want to know whats going on? I got what at first I thought was a zit or an ingrown hair down there. Then it got bigger. And bigger. And hurt. Bad. Then i got another one. Oh, and just to make things fun, I got a few more. I got my friend who is a nurse to look, and she has it too. She said yep. Welcome to the club. I've cursed the f**k out of Ole Boy.
As for your kids, you know something wierd? I used to viscarally hate you. As in when I'd see your user name I'd throw up in my mouth a little. Then i figured it out. I now think of you as the girl who sings "99 Red Baloons" in English.
Nice jeans though.
OK, i just had to edit this because I'm watching this song. Hurry, hurry, super scurry, call the troops out in a hurry. I LOVE that lone of it because it sounds like she was actually understanding what she was singing, which she didn't because they gave it to her phonetically.
Just in case you don't know who I'm talking about. This is your voice I hear in my head when you type.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14IRDDnEPR4[/youtube]
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Last edited by OliveOilMom on 20 Feb 2014, 6:21 am, edited 2 times in total.
20 Feb 2014, 5:46 am
OliveOilMom
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20 Feb 2014, 6:02 am
babybird wrote:
cubedemon6073 wrote:
babybird wrote:
Yes. I think that children should be exposed to life's hard knocks.
Why? Can you provide a justification? Where do life's hard knocks come from? Should they be exposed to all of life's hard knocks? If yes, why? If not, which life's hard knocks should they be exposed to and which should they not be exposed to? Let's say no child in the USA was exposed to the hard knocks and were taught everything they needed to know wouldn't some of the hard knocks be gone? If yes, does this mean some of life's hard knocks exists because of the belief that our children should be exposed to them? Do we not create a logical paradox that by exposure to some of life's hard knocks they are created in the first place? If I am correct, why not remove exposure to prevent their creation?
Are you on some kind of conquest?
It's ok. we are cool
_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.
The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com
OliveOilMom
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Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 11,447
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20 Feb 2014, 6:22 am
Double post. My bad. No need to start a nuclear war Miss Red.
_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.
The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com
Last edited by OliveOilMom on 20 Feb 2014, 6:27 am, edited 1 time in total.
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