spanking special needs kids

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The only issue I have this with is my NT daughter's temper and I really don't think that adding spanking would help me at all with that one. She knows she has to learn to control it, but can't figure out how, and is often in tears over THAT. We're consulting outside the family at this point.

You don't have to be a parent to gain some understanding of what is right and wrong. As the golden rules state, do unto others as you would have them do to you. A child needs to be able to respect their parents first and foremost and many things break that down, like smacking a child rather than coaching and teaching them in a proper manner, and then of course children begin to show behavior problems more and more because they haven't been guided or taught properly in the first place and have been slapped instead. With small children you scoop them up or give them time out if you need to punish. I may not be a parent but my opinion is as valid as the next on the subject. I have been around children enough to know a few things. Children have always responded to me very well and it's because I treat them with respect and with regard. Hitting or slapping is wrong and hopefully laws will be set against it in this country too. Parents are too quick to place the blame elsewhere for their children's behavior and slapping or hitting isn't the only alternative.

Meadow, for the record, I agree with you. But we have friends who do spank (in moderation) and who are raising wonderful kids who adore their parents. so what makes the difference? Consistency, clarity, and knowing how to pick one's battles. When parent's master those, they raise happy children who understand the boundaries, and it doesn't seem to matter if spanking (in moderation) is part of the equation or not.

To all ...

I don't want to debate the whole spanking issue here. This board is really about the unique aspects AS brings to parenting, whether it is the child who has AS, the parent, or both. That is independent of the whole spank issue, and it is the area we have the ability to make a real difference with. There is no resolving the spank issue via message board - I've seen it too many times in too many places and I have NEVER seen a single person change or bend their mind on it, from either side, based on what they've read. Other areas we can make real progress on, so we should stick to those.

Go to my room and cry.

Seriously though, there have been behaviours where I've exhausted every form of discipline known to man and the behaviour has continued. Continued to the point where I have seriously considered throwing in the towel and handing her over to social services. I can honestly say that I do not think that spanking would have made an iota of difference to her behaviour. It would only have relieved some of the impotence I was feeling at her non compliance.

Thankfully diagnosis eventually came along and she now recieves CBT to change the really unacceptable behaviour.

i got spanked a little when i was younger like from ages 4 to 10, all it did was make me more angry at my mom.

My own experience being spanked? When it was doled out as a punishment for something I had done, it was generally resented. When it occurred in the process of doing something errant - running in traffic, running into a river, going to burn myself - was that it made an impression. I made not have liked it, but I was aware immediately through direct feedback, and was never used in an manner that could be called abusive in those situations. When it comes to punitive or disciplinary spanking (that is, spanking doled out as a punishment for a previous 'offense'), I have to say that I come down pretty strongly against it as when done in an emotional state can cause tremendous psychological damage and in some case physical abuse. But when it comes to an immediate and single spanking, providing a form of direct feedback, then I have to say it did have value in my development.


M.

The United Nations says and "considers" lots of things but about 99.9% is garbage and this falls firmly into that category. A child runs out into the road you spank him and he doesn't do it again. Most of the "positive" discipline crap you see taking away toys, explaining, or time outs are the reason we have these spoiled and insane children running around my store damaging merchandise while the bovine mother ignores them or says "no please don't do that" whilst doing nothing else. Now don't misunderstand me spanking is a last resort punishment and it has to doled out very carefully. A parent should NEVER spank in anger and it should hurt the parent as much as the child and shouldn't be drawn out. I got spankings as a child and they (in retrospect) helped to teach me boundaries to keep from putting myself in danger far more effectively than being put in timeout did.

That's the lamest excuse in history for striking a child. It's neglect if a child runs out in the street in the first place.

My apologies, but the above comment is absurd - it is in NO way neglect that a child acts naturally and runs into traffic or other dangers.


M.

The above statement is the one that is absurd because it is intended to insult and demean an individual who also has their right to an opinion. They make harnesses for children for a reason: For those who are too young to understand simple commands. Violence upon the most helpless is unjustified under any circumstances.

So spanking a child is a felony, but putting your child on a leash like a dog isn't?!?! You've got to be kidding me!

Also please explain how it is "neglect" if a child just runs out into a street.

Last edited by gramirez on 02 Feb 2010, 5:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.

*shakes head* You're entitled to your opinion, just as I am mine. Harnesses are leashes for children; I'd rather my kid(s) be able to think for themselves. But it is NOT neglect when a child runs - it's part of nature, of which it seems you have trouble accepting parts of. A swat on the behind is not violent, in my opinion. If you don't want to spank, then don't. If you want to do something about it, do so - but you are invited to get off my back about the subject.


M.

^When children are "very small" it makes sense to put them on a harness in some situations so they can be put down and safely exercise learning to walk. Your comment is ridiculous.

As for Mr. Moderator, no one's on your back. I wasn't talking to you or anyone else for that matter.

If so, no more than your insistence that a child's curiosity is neglect. I have no interest in having this conversation with you, Meadow - you are not going to change my mind with your plaintive arguments, and I'm not going to change yours with my own experience. My comment, while disagreeing with your statement, was in defense and agreement of utherdoul's post. Agree to disagree and move on. This has been and remains tiresome.


M.

You know what, you are making it personal. I merely stated my opinion and all you can do is become aggressive about yours and direct it at me. What is your problem? Everyone here is saying their view on the subject. Why are you specifically attacking mine? 'You' are the one who is tiresome in your hostile attitude and responses. Grow up, move on and get off my back. You obviously have some weird problems that you need to deal with but don't direct it at me.