Devastated - please help!

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Thank you. I tend to agree with most of what you said. We too incline towards not disclosing it for now.
But you will not believe the attacks and the lynching I have received on a Special Needs Parenting forum (populated by parents of special needs children as well as SPED TEACHERS) when I suggested we feel that our son may be better served if we waited about disclosing the dx.
I was told that my son is already behind with treatment, that most children with AS start treatment at 3 and that I am destroying him if I am not picking up the phone right now to talk to the school, that I am a horrible parfent fro worrying about the label and not telling the school RIGHT NOW - because only them can come with amazing, HOCUS-POCUS-PREPARATUS type of "treatments" and "services" that I would never, ever, ever be able to offer myself as a mother.

They did sound like a "mental" zone to me. But so be it.

And when you think that, if his preschool teacher had not gotten irritated enough that day about his dinosaur obsession and had not suggested that I talk to the ped, just to ask how to deal with the behavior the right way...we would not even have gone for an evaluation. We would have continued to see him as just the difficult child that he indeed is (AS or not).

This morning he woke up pissed - no reason. When we told him to go dress himself he started whining. He kept going on and on that he can't find clothes. He did have clothes. He also has a chart on the wall - per psych - that teaches him how to go through the dressing process step by step. He kept going. Then my mom picked out some clothes for him and layed them out on the bed all while trying to be cheerful and distract him out of his pissy mood. Did not work. Then he started to say that he only wants perfectly new clothes so he can get them dirty. When he reaches that point he becomes a Master Pisser. He manipulates and says something outrageous just to get a reaction out of us; and keeps going.

Can an innocent AS mind say "I only want perfectly clean clothes so I can get them dirty"???

He was just pi**ed. He knew EXACTLY what he was doing and he was using us as his floor mat to wipe his moodiness on.
He has had quite a few episodes like this in the past: saying something outrageous and pretending he doesn't understand the outrageous-ness of it...just to see us go buhzirk and get a reaction from us.
Funnily enough, he never did THAT at school. So this AS can be darn clever and selective looks like.
Piss only in the safe and familiar zone.

What a pity.

I agree with everything you said. If my son won't follow in my footstep, how about in yours?
You sound like a happy, aware and perfectly functional individual. What more can we ask for?

Some children on the autism spectrum start getting therapy at 3 but from how you describe your son, he doesn't need what's offered for that age group. My daughter- who has classic autism rather than Aspergers- only spoke a few words at age 3. She recieved lots of speech therapy for this and is now quite articulate. It sounds like your son doesn't need that at all. There are other therapies such as physical therapy (for gross motor problems) and occupational therapy (for fine motor problems) and ABA (to learn how to do various essential tasks). From the way you describe your son, it sounds like he wouldn't actually need those sorts of therapies since he met those goals on his own.




I laugh. I laugh because I made the same sort of complaint to my Mom that my daughter was well behaved at school and then was awful at home. She laughed because she said I did the same thing as a child. My mother in law also found this humerous since my husband also spared his teachers any bad behaviour and saved it for her. It's actually a very common phenomenon. Kids keep things bottled in as long as they can when out in public and then "piss only in the safe and familiar zone" as you say...because they know they will still be loved even when they vent their spleens and let out all the bad feelings. In a roundabout way, it's a good thing. It means he feels safe enough to vent his spleen at home and feels safe in your love regardless.

Can he breathe, can he walk, can he talk, can he tell you what he wants? Can he be happy?
I know its hard to accept what the future might be. You might have to set your ambitions for you son lower than you had in mind.

My relatives had a child who was blind, deaf, and paralysed. THATs devastating.

Sorry. I was only trying to stop a lynching that looked like it was starting to take place. I was trying to have people look at it from other angles. I KNOW the total and utter frustration you have when you think something about your child, then realize you thought it and feel terrible for not only thinking it, but feeling the emotion as well. When my second daughter was born, she cried, and screamed, and screamed and cried (you get the point) until she was about 15 or so months old. She was attached to me (literally - she had a milk allergy and could only nurse... AND I was her pacifier. It was the only thing that made her quiet. And I hated nursing, so that didn't help). I resented that. It hurt that I resented that. For the first time in my life, I could see the point of view of someone who shook their child to death to make them be quiet. I did not want to do that, but I could see the total frustration. Like with your feelings, it did not make me a bad person. It made me human. When we sick the thought police on people, we have lost all freedom.

Earlier you had mentioned that the girl in the video I had linked to. You said she looked perfectly normal. First,I don't see why she said in her vid that she has Aspergers now, and not Autism. She had a speech delay at a young age. That is not AS. That is Autism. Either way, if you watch her mannerisms (although slight), they are forced. She never looks away from the camera. It is an intense look. What makes her different from when she was young is that she learned skills.

Adults now have problems because adults with AS are not being properly addressed yet. I am certain that by the time your son reached adulthood, he will be fine and there will be a lot for him. I graduated High School in '92. This was just a couple years before the diagnostic criteria were given for AS. I received no help. I was pushed along and either told I was stupid or that my higher intelligence would push me through (or that I was lazy). Now, my daughter (who is in HS) IS getting help with services. She has an IEP. She has accommodations to help her with her slower processing speed. If I had had the opportunities that she has now, I may not have had the past I did. Now that I am an adult in college, I am facing the EXACT same things I faced as a child because the support is not yet there. I am personally trying to do what I can on the local level to change that, but it probably will not help me. I am hoping it helps those who are following behind me. I cannot hold a job, but I am learning the skills to do so. I will be able to work, it is just going to take me learning what I was never taught socially. So, yes. Adults have troubles, but the adults who have trouble are the ones who did not get the help they needed as a child. This makes all the difference in the world.

@goodolddays:

I can appreciate your honesty. You are saying what you feel. But I think that a lot of the negative responses stem from the fact that you are not using any type of "filter" when sharing your thoughts and feelings. And don't take this the wrong way, but that's usually a very typical AS thing to do!

Ignoring the AS issue, I think you need to come to terms with the fact that having children, any children, is difficult. Anyone who says otherwise does not have any children. They require you to put your own needs and wants aside - things I'm sure you're fully aware of.

Also, regarding your second child, I have often heard others say that their second child is easier than their first - even if both are NT's. I have no personal opinion on this (I only have one child), but I know many who feel this way. It's as though, they say, the second child needs less attention than their first did - whether or not they just accept having less attention (not knowing any differently), I'm not sure.

Now, regarding the AS issue: you need to just let this go. AS is not a "life sentence", and it does not mean that your son won't be able to do all of the "normal" things NT's do (like get married, have a job, etc.).

Also, people with AS are not inherently selfish. That's just utter garbage. They may appear to be that way, but it's mostly because they don't understand that their actions are being perceived that way by others. Theory of mind is a difficult concept for children as it is; for a child with AS, it takes much more effort to figure these things out. And often, the AS child needs to have things explained to them in great detail - ie more than just "don't be selfish," rather, "when you took that toy away from Jimmy, you upset him because he was still playing with it. remember when Bobby took your ball away from you and you got upset? That's how Jimmy felt when you took that toy away from him."

As for the meltdowns - if your son is actually having meltdowns, you need to figure out why and remove him from situations when you see one coming on. You need to be a detective and figure out what bothers him, because he may not be able to articulate it properly. This is, in fact, REAL LIFE.

Finally, don't pressure him to act more "normally." Just find out what is normal for him. You can then explain to him what other people think of as "normal" and how he can try to act that way when at school / the mall / in restaurants / etc. My advice would be to NOT make him act "normally" at home. Home should be a refuge for him. And don't try to force social situations on him - if he does well one on one (based on what you say, he seems to), then do more of the one on one play dates. That will go a long way to helping him with his social awareness. Trying to get him to play with a group of children will likely only lead to frustration for everyone.

But, I do agree with many other posters here: If you find you can't accept your son (regardless of the AS dx), then you need to do something to change that. Whether it's with a professional counselor or by talking with other parents of AS children or people who have AS themselves, it doesn't matter. But you do need to change your attitude because children (yes, even those with AS) can pick up on a lot of what is unsaid.

What makes you think that people with AS, as adults, don't do what needs to be done in adulthood? Has someone told you they don't? If they have, that information is false, except in the instances where parents who have misunderstood what AS is, has inhibited (unintentionally) their child's growth by underestimating them and not allowing them to grow up, or inadvertently insisting they don't. That is far more a problem with the younger generation as the parents of those of us of the older generations never had any reason, real or imagined, not to allow us to become independent adults.

I was taking care of most of my own needs by the time I was a teenager, more so than most NT teenagers, and I hold multiple degrees, which I pursued without my parents involvement.

Interventions for children with AS should be oriented towards social skills development, to improve the quality of life for the individual on the social front.



Their pity would be severely misplaced...and as for disdain...honestly I believe these words from you are a reflection of your own feelings on the matter, and those feelings are based on false perceptions, the origins of which I do not know.

It's become very apparent from your posts that you know very little of what AS is and have spun yourself a story...a rather negative one, to fill in the gaps.



Does he need services? Can he get them without you disclosing the exact reason? As for stigmatizing him in the eyes of his classmates, this is likely not an issue for multiple reasons. Children have a tendency to not understand why adults make such a fuss over the things they do (this is because as the human brain matures it loses it's ability to deal with simple logic and so the adult human is bedeviled by problems that children don't have, because children can arrive at the simple solution that the issue is not an issue and their problem is not a problem). Children with AS are stigmatized regardless because they are different, and they know they are different. It actually won't always be on his record. Most institutions that keep records only keep them for a finite number of years. The exception to this seems to be health care systems which keep digital records, however this becomes largely irrelevant after 10 years.

In fact I highly advise one keeps copies of one's own medical records.



It really comes down to whether or not he actually needs services. Many people with AS fit the profile for non-verbal learning disability and can use services related to those needs.



Because that's what parents do. They worry about their children. You need to understand that most people have their own weaknesses and strengths. Children with AS are no different. However the strengths of those with AS tend to be very strong strengths with the potential to propel them to a world class level provided the right environment and support from the parents, and the weaknesses of those with AS are largely conditional, many of them only being weaknesses in the context of society, and the others being difficulty in forming relationships. It's true that many of those with AS become lonely at some point in their life. However when compared to those without AS, those with AS tolerate being alone better. It isn't nearly as horrible to them as it is to someone without AS. In fact those with AS need a lot of time to themselves.



Yes, I did have trouble holding down a job. I do have trouble with interviews, and I've not yet found a significant other and am a bit skeptical that I will, however, somehow, I don't feel devastated just yet.

The true root of my happiness lies elsewhere...I have some vacation time right now and have been looking forward to working on my projects and cataloging my collection.

The things you worry about above are usually nothing more than minor annoyances and frustrations to me.



No, for you. Your child has different priorities.



The world is dynamic but that really isn't the issue. You worry your child will not be able to thrive in the world but to be honest, the biggest obstacle to his success right now is your mentality.

I'll tell you a story. My father is a deluded man. He took me hiking on a trail that ran along the side of a cliff once. Part of the trail was washed out and he leaped across to the other side and then encouraged me to do the same. I told him he was crazy, turned around, and walked back to the car.

The important thing here is my father wasn't the one to decide what I couldn't do. My father was convinced I could do anything if I tried, and as a result, he never made me believe there was an obstacle that wasn't really there, and he allowed me the opportunity to surmount ones that really were there.

It's not that he was never without doubt but he never embraced that doubt as fact until I could prove it to be.



Why don't you hope that your son has what he needs in life to be happy, even if it's vastly different from what you need to be happy?



I have quite a bit more to add in reply to what other posters said but will have to comeback with addressing a few themes that seem to emerge from the replies I received - and for which I remain grateful.[/quote]

I hope we can show you that AS is this horrible thing you think it is.

Well...there might be a bit of truth in this; but I am yet to be convinced that having high expectations for your child is a bad thing. I come from a family that held very high expectations of us, children - and we had to live up to them. I find myself tending to do the same for my kids. My parents never literally forced us, we never had conflict over those things, but the pressure was there, we felt it and had to do something about it. So we just stepped up.
Of course, I am grateful for this today because I can testify that life IS indeed easier, fuller and richer in texture if you manage to live up to those expectations.

For example, I am guilty of tending to perceive graduate school like most people perceive high-school. I also find myself uneasy with the idea that any of my children might end up alone, with no partner. I do not care about kids reaching financial success beyond basic/decently comfortable level. I do tend to care about their mind and their heart. I would be disappointed if their mind remained un-worked and simplistic because they would miss out on so much in life if their mind stayed unchallenged. I would also be disappointed if they were to remain without the support of a significant other in life. I care A LOT about these two.
Becoming money makers? No. I sincerely could not care less beyond basic level.
Of course, pretending that you don't care about money at all (as in "I don't even need a job") is a pretty pathetic form of snobbery - unless you were born on a huge pile of wealth and then I can understand how you would never need a job of any sort. But given we are not a family sitting on a serious pile of wealth - being able to hold down a job is an absolute must in my book.
If one of my kids could not do that - then yes, I would be DEVASTATED, because it is not clear to me who exactly would provide for them until the end of their days. So the possibility that one of them might end up chronically unemployed is not even something that I allow to enter my thoughts. There is no reason to believe that he might end up there right now....but heck, he is not even 6 yo yet. So we might as well change the subject because I am certainly not about to lower my expectations to that level, REGARDLESS. He WILL hold down a job because there is no other way. The only other way would spell "perish".

In my own experience the best policy is being honest with the school. Your child is going to spend about 1/2 his day there. They are going to notice something is not right, anyway. And they are going to call you. It is better if you save time and speak up front. That way they will know what to expect and how to treat your child when something comes up. It is not fair to ask a teacher to handle an AS kid without knowing.

I do not know where you got the idea that teachers will treat your child with disdain because of his diagnose. All the contrary, they will treat him with more love and care because of his dx. That is my experience, at least.

Also, telling the teacher is not the same that telling the classmates/parents. Teachers are not allowed to share dx with the class. I do not recommend sharing that info with the classroom. Children can be mean. When I shared that info with some parents I though were my friends and were mature enough to handle it, their children started saying at school that my daughter was crazy. That was very hard, and I learned not to share her dx with everyone.

On the one hand I am told I am guilty of assuming the worst and how come I do not see how many amazingly accomplished people with ASD-s are out there? At the same time I am told I might have to lower my expectations to the point where my children not being able to hold down a job should no longer seem such a big deal.

That is indeed very confusing and unsettling.



The disclosure part is what we struggle with right now. Instinctively, at the gut level, I feel that he is one of those cases that would probably be better served by keeping the dx private than by school-based services. At a first glance, he can easily blend in with NT-s. He doesn't come across as "weird" in behavior (no posture issues, no "geeky" look, no repetitive moves, excellent vocabulary, etc). Once you get to know him though, he can come across like a difficult NT (when a meltdown occurs), or poorly brought up NT (when he interrupts, diverts gaze away from the person he speaks with, does not pay attention, forgets his things all over the place) or socially inept or anti-social (saying some things when he shouldn't, not knowing how to engage children and maintain interaction for longer times, possibly prone to bullying).
However, these aspects can easily come from NT-s too .

So...I really would have preferred to just have the extra eye of a teacher on him, off the record. Why this is such a hard thing to have, I have no idea. I have been told that if I want extra/special attention then I need an IEP and all the labeling and bureaucracy that go with it, which volunteer parents will be sure to spread around, whether I like it or not.

My feeling is that it is just not worth it. Whatever services he might benefit from, we are thinking to provide for him in private, by paying money and thus exempt him of the label at school.
If we were convinced that what the school will provide will eliminate those issues he has, we would say "sure, let's go for it and let the professionals take over in school". Trouble is I am not at all convinced that whatever "social skill" classes he will do in there will be worth the public label and being seen by other kids and their parents as "officially different", "officially special" or what have you.
Even if he does end up standing out in some ways, being recognized as a child with some issues (say "difficult") is still better, in my opinion, than being recognized as "diagnosed" with something most people still don't understand very well.

I expect that he will soon be diagnosed with ADHD too and some of the school accommodations for those might be worth the label. However, this label is clearly much less stigmatizing than the AS one, so when we get that one (because we will), we may give that one to the school, but keep the AS at home.

I have been accused that I don't understand what AS is. Oh yes, I do.
But what I have also understood from so much reading is that society, in general, STILL doesn't - and what most regular parents will perceive about about their NT child's colleague is that he is...well..."different" (insert an "accommodating" and "feel sorry for you" vibe here). And not different in a "gifted" kind of way.

If you tell people "Darn it, my child is "different", he was labeled gifted because of his high IQ" - people will start admiring your child, at best, or envying him (and you), at worst - despite ample evidence that gifted children can have their own painful challenges in life, especially as they relate to social life. But that label will certainly not attract negativity from those around the child (unless you count envy) and will not make people feel superior to you or feel sorry for you.

I am yet to be convinced that people will NOT emanate such vibes when you inform them your child is "different" but in the "other" kind of way: the "special ed" way. Yes, we have much more information right now. Yes, special needs are differently presented to the world today and we have clearly expanded the repertoire of what is considered "special" all while narrowing the criteria for what is considered "normal".
Ivory towers aside though, I know with 100% certainty that once you let the label out of the Pandora box people will:
- see your child in a "different" light and that different-ness will NOT be a positive one.
- start feeling sorry for you and your child and feel superior to you.

Not that I would give a D about who feels superior to me; but I am convinced the child would be affected by such attitudes in his interaction with classmates/playmates and their parents. I can develop the wisdom to rise above such pettiness - but a child can't.

Because of such consideration, I lean towards keeping the dx private and paying for whatever services he needs at home - though I have been made to feel like a monster for not wanting to disclose the dx to the school.

That was clearly a terrible mistake you made. I would never, EVER share the dx with any of my friends, least of all with those who have children. My fear though is that if the school knows, the info would leak anyway to parents and then their children too - even if the school is officially prohibited to share the dx.
Here is a "cut and pasted" reply I got on another forum.

<I share your concerns regarding privacy and feel that you should disclose when you are ready and not before. As a parent volunteer, I learned many things about many children that I probably should not have known at all. Private things aren't always private. Mothers volunteering in the office get to hear lots of things about the teachers; the students; the other staff>



Sure;...if the school can guarantee that they would be able to guard the privacy of the dx - absolutely.
But they won't do that, knowing that the slightest indiscretion can leak the info and then who's going to be losing sleep at night over a lawsuit? The school.

So I am pretty sure the school cannot guarantee the info will not leak.
This is why we'd rather not disclose.

Last edited by goodolddays on 09 Jul 2011, 10:40 am, edited 1 time in total.

Listen...I don't know for sure.

What I can tell you is that he has always been handled in very affectionate ways, with lots of physical contact - tight hugs, tons of kisses all over the face (no lips, of course, but cheeks, forehead, nose), my nose rubbing against his nose, etc. He's had this ever since he was a baby and he wouldn't know otherwise. He ended up being the same - very huggy and kissy. (My parents think this is not the "coolest" trait for a boy and that I need to back off with the physical affection; oh, well).
If you ask me why I've always handled him like this? I don't know....we tend to be very affectionate/sentimental people in the family and it is also the culture I am coming from that has these tendencies.

Of course, recently, I had to start "un-hugging" him a little bit because I have noticed that he was starting to pour the kind of affection I had always poured on him ...onto some kids at preschool (talk about not being able to distinguish between various kinds of social situations). Besides, Lord knows many people in this culture (not all, of course) are not exactly fond of affectionate, physical contact. I have noticed that as soon as something like that happens, some people's brains start making associations with sexuality...and Jesus Lord, that's the last thing we needed right now.

So I had to teach him the "hands off other children" lesson. You cannot do with other people/kids what you do with mommy and daddy and your sister, because not everyone likes to be touched, hugged and kissed.

Going back to the affection between me and him: he has those excruciatingly selfish moments, will not give an inch, throws tantrums, sees how upset and unsettled I am...and then...just a few minutes later, when the storm is gone, comes to me as if NOTHIG had happened and wants his hugs and kisses, with no remorse, no embarrassment for what happened earlier - he just wants his hugs and kisses.

So what am I to believe? He really acts a lot like he doesn't give a sh*t, yet he wants his hugs...

Again. I don't know - but it is unsettling to me.

No, my son never needed anything until we found out about his dx and started to identify some "issues" with him - as presented in textbooks. The peds never suspected anything either; I even remember a visit when he was a baby and the ped took him from my arms and he started to fuss, protest and reach out to me as a sign that he wanted back to mommy. I made an apologetic face to the ped, to which he replied: "no, this is super fine; this is what I am looking for: I want to see attachment to the mother. He just passed the test with flying colors". He was probably being tested for any ASD-related suspicion.

So...who would have "thunk"?

Gross motor problems: Well....yeah, he was never an athletic child; but he was never dysfunctional either. He could not catch a ball at 3, like my daughter does now, and only recently did he learn how to do it well, at around 5.
But do you go see a dr. for that? We didn't.

Fine motor? Same. For a long time, when we were expecting to see some desire for coloring developing, he wasn't developing any interest. He eventually did and now he holds the crayon and draws very well - particularly things he is interested, that is dinosaurs, and more recently, planes.
He can also write - not much caligraphy in there, but OK. He continues to hold the spoon like it is a spider thread ...so we did notice that his fine motor skills were not the greatest; but again, not having terms of comparison and the child not being dysfunctional...why go see a dr. for that?

Essential tasks: he has always been capable of doing most essential tasks so we never bothered. He was potty trained at 2 - save the night-time when he still wets the bed if I don't wake him up in the middle of the night for another round of pee-pee.
We HAD noticed the forgetfulness and unconsciously dropping on the floor ANYTHING that would get in his hands, but for a long time we attributed this to age; we just thought he was a spacey small child. Many children drop things all over the floor and don't care. Now, of course, we know it is an issue.
He also cannot tie his shoes and he did have problems with buttoning and unbuttoning. He is OK now though he still comes to me for help when he deals with a more stubborn/tight button hole.

Other than that, he was a regular child in terms of "skills". So we never felt we had to consult a dr. for "treatment" or "therapy". These are such big words to me that I would have never thought that not being perfectly astute on dealing with a lousy button hole would require such heroic interventions.

I think we you are overreacting just a little bit. If I really believed this is a life-and-death perception that should stand no chance of leaking anywhere, then I would not be disclosing it. But I don't.
My son is very secure in my love for him and this is exactly why he affords himself lots of crap around me (which he doesn't around others). I can guarantee you he would not be as "finished" as you imply if he read about this here. This, of course would mean he would be a much older child. I can only hope that by the time he is capable of becoming such a good detective on the Net to be able to track what I write there, he would also be old enough to realize what a pain in the a** he could be as a small child - and recognize it himself.

Most children end up understanding in early adulthood or even earlier, the pain in the a** they could be as small children and they end up sympathizing with the parents. If he still won't be capable of that later on and would still exhibit the same kind of self-absorption as he does now at 5/6...then he will certainly be in major trouble at that age.

I certainly hope not.

I don't know what to say to that. If you only knew how many things I find "disturbing" myself only to be told that those are the most normal things in the world and that I am a "dinosaur" for not being able to adapt to society as it is here, today...and not the way I saw it functioning elsewhere (in another culture) or the way I would like it to be. Fair enough.

Our definitions of "disturbing" may vary greatly - likely because of cultural differences.

Also..."denial" of what?




Here's what I find disturbing, Mama_to_Grace: that I read over and over again about how these children are "different" and how regular methods of parenting and discipline do not work with them (so no scolding, no punishing, no removal of privileges, none of that), and how their brain is wired "differently", and how they need "different" approaches. Never mind that scientists are yet to show how an AS brain is wired DIFFERENTLY (empirically speaking) as compared to that of an NT.

Yet nobody - ABSOLUTELY NOBODY - can come up with objective, alternative methods that would be realistic in real life and that would NOT ultimately translate into "go with the flow that your child demands, whenever he demands it, however he demands it".

I hear things like "remove the child from the situation and prevent the tantrum from happening in the first place" - when often times the child is not really in ANY situation. He CREATES the situation. He IS the situation. And sometimes the "situation" is really not REMOVABLE. Or I hear things like "help the child achieve because he is in no way inferior to NT-s, but while you're at it, lower your expectations...and set that bar reaaaally low - as in "not ever able to hold down a job? So what? That is fine too!".

I hear a lot of generic, esoteric, Messianic talk about how these children require "different" approaches to turn into the amazing people they COULD become IF ONLY the parent was...

- strong enough
- saintly enough
- organized
- informed enough (which he apparently never is, even after finishing reading everything in sight)
- astute enough
- diplomatic enough
- with a clear enough crystal ball to predict things that are about to happen
- with a perfectly planned schedule
- with a wizzard's ability to make any "situation" that is unpleasant to the child just magically disappear or never happen in the first place, regardless of social constraints, obligations or other imperatives.

These insinuations I find disturbing; and that so many people have bought into them - I find even more disturbing.

And sometimes I wonder...what if these children are really just...difficult individuals?
Children whose "happy ending" does not depend on your ability, as a parent, to find just the PERFECTLY right method for them and them only...but simply a crap shoot. Will they be able to "catch on" in life or not?

Only time and haphazard can tell.
This is what I ultimately feel. Whether people will find this "filtered" or "unfiltered" is probably a matter of cultural differences too.

Last edited by goodolddays on 09 Jul 2011, 12:25 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Who, exactly, is saying this? We're telling you that many, many people with ASD hold jobs. The only reason we don't say "most" or "all" is because we are not statisticians, but in the experience of the people here, it seems to be the norm. Much of the literature that's out there suggests that this not a high expectation if you are talking about Aspergers and not classic autism.

In the unlikely event that your child is so disabled that he needs to go on disability, so be it - but that is no different from anyone else: would you expect a child who was totally paralyzed in an accident to get a job? Or one that developed PTSD from a traumatic event? Disability is there for people who need it, there is no shame in asking for help.

However - in another thread you asked if you might have ASD yourself, so I will suggest that you look out for this particular type of thinking: http://books.google.com/books?id=ZwQGsu ... &q&f=false (if the link doesn't work, you're looking for p. 26 of the Complete Guide to Asperger's by Tony Attwood.) I would highly recommend that you read the whole book.

I'm going to stop reading this thread, because it's upsetting me.