meltdowns at school

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my son is on his second week of kindergarten, and he has done pretty well, considering how he usually reacts to change (badly). Anyway, I got a call from the special ed director today and it seems he had a meltdown towards the end of the day. No-one can remember exactly what it was about, but he didn't get to do something he wanted to do, and he started to scream, when the aid tried to get him to leave the room and go somewhere he could calm down, he threw himself on the ground and refused to go. They asked me how I usually handle a situation like that.I can sometimes head it off when I see "meltdown warning signs", but not always, they can come on in a second, when the second before he was fine. When he is in meltdown mode and refuses to move, I usually have to pick him up and take him somewhere he can calm down, usually he struggles, and grabs onto anything he can to force me to stop, and last week he actually punched me in the face. It didn't hurt, but it scared me, because he's 5 now, I have no problem picking him up and carrying him, but it won't be long before I can't do that anymore. I don't know what else to do to remove him from the situation, and the aid really doesn't want to have to pick him up and drag him while he's at school. what else can be done to take him somewhere he can calm down?

Ohhh, that's kind of a "how does one move a stalled car without pushing or towing it" question.
Think outside the box . . .
Think outside the box . . .
Think outside the box . . .

Man, even being around long enough to have grandkids I'm just a little short on right now

Somehow invent a way to get his attention and entice him to move himself - but, how?????????????

At this stage, everything for your five-year-old is possibly "motive" driven. You may be able to work through this problem by figuring out kind of a low-level motivator (candy? story? toy?) that will get his attention whenever he has a big melt-down. This is to distract him temporarily. Then, you need a bigger motivator (trip to the candy store, buy some toy he has wanted) as motivation for whenever he CONTROLS himself from having a meltdown.

Also, you may want to begin writing social stories for him, based on situations he commonly deals with in kindergarten. You will want to find out from the teacher what situations may cause him to meltdown (having to wait his turn for a computer, wanting to have his choice of blue pain but he can only have green paint, etc.), then write into the social story how he SHOULD react, calmly, and how this will benefit him (you're teacher will be pleased, you will make friends easier, when you get home I will let you play your computer game).

There's not a lot you can do.

This seems to be motive driven and as such is probably much closer to a normal tantrum than an aspie meltdown.

Giving in
Sometimes with a tantrum, the easiest way is to give in. This is called picking your battles. Yeah, I know it feels like you're giving your child an excuse to continue bad behaviour but sometimes you're in the wrong place for discipline.

We do not make deals with terrorists
This is the flip-side. It works (over a long period) but you need to do it in the right situations otherwise you'll get interference from other parents. Essentially, if the child is safe (ie: not throwing a tantrum inside a glass house etc...) then if you can't move the child, you need to move the activity. You should try to keep the child in sight/hearing range to prevent accidents but avoid interaction.

Also... avoid playing the "I'm not talking to you" or "I'm not peeking at you" game.



The school was asking you how you handle these things in order to see what history they have to deal with. Let the school take the lead, They'll sort many of the problems out for you.