When an adult is rude/mean to your AS child

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If I am honest, this post is more about me SCREAMING into cyber space than gaining any type of knowlege because what can a person do when something like this occurrs????:

Today we took our 4 children to the zoo. My AS son (age 6) seems typical in many, many ways, but he has trouble getting in people's personal space, and sometimes with touching. (The touching is never inappropriate...just laying a hand on the shoulder of another kid he doesn't know or something like that...it might bug them because they don't know him, but nothing too freaky.)

So at one point he went barrelling across the children's farm yard to see a rabbit and apparently he got too close to a little girl who appeared to be about his same age and was already standing in front of the rabbit cage. Her father physically pushed him away and said VERY loudly, "She was here first, so EXCUSE YOU!" (I could hear it from across the yard.) My son just looked really confused and didn't respond. The father then said, "Let's go!" in a rather nasty way as if we had cooties or something.

Generally I am a pacifist by nature but I wanted to rip his head off and I still do. At the moment I didn't say or do anything. Have you ever had someone be rude to your child? What did you say/do? What CAN you say or do? I think my emotions have more to do with wondering if this is the way he's going to go through life: with people being mean to him for what appears to him to be no reason. How confusing and sad.

Sigh. I have been there. I wish people weren't so quick to judge and take offense. Even an young NT child makes mistakes.

I know you're hoping for some comfort, but I have to tell you that until people are routinely punished by the law for mistreating the Autistically handicapped, this will follow him throughout his life. I've been on this planet half a century and I still get treated exactly that way on a regular basis. The NT world has a zero tolerance policy for those who are different in any way.

Just a year ago I was ejected from a licensing program paid for by a Disabilty Rehab organization, for not having the capacity to be an aggressive salesman (which had nothing to do with the license). The instructor who had taken my tuition money for six months, documented my completion of the program and then refused to license me screamed at me in a parking lot "Why can't you just be like everybody else!?" And do you know what the State Board of Continuing Career Education, The State Disability Rights Organization, The Americans With Disabilities Act, My State Representative and My Congressman did?

Nothing.

If the most well-known supposed mouthpiece for the 'Autistic Community' routinely ignores notions of neurodiversity in favor of 'curing' the way we think and developing in utero tests in order to prevent any more of us from coming into the world, how can we ever expect to be accepted, or treated as anything but something useless and distasteful to be eliminated from the face of the Earth?

Frustrations are going to happen.

I have to say, my son has the best attitude about it. He is willing to take huge social risks because, in his mind, it can't make anything worse, and just might make it better. And, so, he also earns one heck of a lot of respect from his completely confounded classmates and teachers. Spin 360 degrees in the air and land on the spot so the whole class gets to skip running laps? Check. Create and act an annimated role in a classroom history presentation, totally last minute because someone else on the team dropped the ball, that earns his group an A+? Check. And so on. None of it will ever make him popular, of course, and the bullies are still the bullies ... but many of the kids really respect him - and are utterly puzzled by him - according to the buzz I get through other parents.

As for that other parent - I am sorry, but disability aside, one rude act does not excuse another. The parent was rude, and the parent is the one expected to know better. If he had just smiled at your son and said something like, "wow, what enthusiasm! But you need to step aside just a little, because my daughter was here first," it could have been a teaching moment, instead of embarrassing all around. There simply is no excuse for being rude to any child; all kids are still learning. While it is easier to get others onboard when disability is involved, the reality is that many parents have no manners when it comes to other people's kids, and blinders on when it comes to theirs, and the problem goes beyond the AS community.

pwn them like the n0obs they are

I get the oposit usually.

I guess if I am into something enuf like watching
the Lions at the zoo and one time, I guess I did
not notice because I was so into watching the
beautiful male Lion, this little kid was leaning
on me without me noticing and his dad suddenly
apologises all over me, I turned about not knowing
what was going on, he said "i'm so sorry my son does
not know his manners yet" or something and I
am thinking, "Who? What did he do?"

The dad said "He leaned all over you and was bugging you."

I said "No problem."

The dad said "No really, he didn't mean it."

I said "Its ok, I wasn't paying attention."

The dad said "Thank you for understanding he won't
do it again."

People are weird.

Rude people are often ignorant of AS and what it's like. There's nothing anyone can do about them, at least not in the short term. The best a parent can do, I feel, is tell his/her child that it's okay. That's what my mom did when I was that annoying child.

There's one thing you can do, and I think it's important - show your son he's worth sticking up for, even if it's a lost cause. Even if the guy is gone, you could say to your son something like, "That was a very rude man. He had no business treating you like that. " And if the guy isn't gone yet, say it very loud.

He wasn't rude because your son has AS, he was rude because he was a jerk. At that age any kid could have gotten as overenthusiastic as yours, and he should have taken it in stride. All kids get excited, and sometimes have trouble taking turns.

The sad part is that he is now teaching his own child to be a jerk, too.

I don't think this has anything to do with AS whatsoever. A lot of adults are just mean towards kids in general. I'm not a parent, but if someone said/did that to my kid, I would definitely say something about it.

I see all kinds of kids doing stuff like that... At that age they get so enthusiastic they do things without thinking. And maybe it's just me - but little kids like that aren't doing it to be rude or creepy - so why get all freaked out by it?

I'd say the Dad over reacted. He's probably got 'issues' and is in the process of handing them down to his kid...

I wouldn't let that stuff get to you. There are creeps all over - they are not just looking at ASD kids and being jerks - most times people don't even know you child is any different than any other child. It's not personal - it's just a big puke being a puke.

When my daughter was younger she started playing softball. When play would get slow and nothing was going on - she'd stim. She did this little hula dance thing. She also had a very obvious loping type gate for the first two steps she'd take. As soon as the ball was in play - it all stopped and she was 'back in the game'. I'd sit in the stands and overhear other parents snickering about her - and laughing. It took everything I had to stay in my seat and not climb over everyone between us to beat them senseless. After all - it would have been a moot point anyway - their stupid remarks proved they were already senseless. I also couldn't do that infront of her. After the game I went to the people who were making comments and quietly told them what was up with her and exactly what I thought of them and the FIIIIINE example they were setting for their children. I mean really - adults... GTFU. Some people are just stupid - and they have absolutely no excuse for it.

Steph doesn't hula much anymore - just when she's really happy or excited. When she does it we just smile - we KNOW what it means and THAT is more important than what any idiot will ever think.

Wow- I wish I had the time to respond to each one of you personally because there wasn't one response that didn't help me out in some way. THANK YOU all. I feel much better today, and the reality is that for the moment my son is oblivious.

If I could go back in time I think I would say something. But I can't, so now I will do my best to stop perseverating on it. lol! Sometimes I realize I am SO much like my son...he has a tendency to perseverate on anything that goes wrong and want to go back in time and change it to come out perfectly. Well, I guess I do too. It's just that since I'm not 6 years old I have learned not to talk about it out loud.

OMG!! Before my son was put into SPE and was attending GE kindergarten, he was trying to talk to this little girl in his class. She wouldn't make eye contact with him and was ignoring him so he just keep calling her name over and over again in a calm voice. The girl's mother screamed at him right in front of me. Here's what she screamed," Jesus Christ, Georgy, can't ya see she doesn't want to be bothered." I could've killed the mother right on the spot. To this day, I can't even look at her without feeling that same anger and that was more than 5 years ago.
These days, the girl tries to talk to my son all the time because now he's in GE, doing well, and he's rather muscular for his age and good-looking. He makes excuses not to talk to her because he finds her attractive and a bit fat.

oncebitten:
Thanks for sharing your experience with Steph and her stimming. My son pretends to be a dinosaur on a regular basis. The older he gets, the more it stands out. People look at him with quizzical looks but I haven't really heard anyone say anything that I could address. And it IS so hard when your child is there because you can't say something, even if you wanted to address it. It was courageous of you to say something. Your daughter is lucky to have you for a mom.

But is he a happy dinosaur? I bet he is.

Adults can be really stupid. My daughter learned to 'curb her enthusiasm' as she got older as she matured and became more aware of doing it. But when they're that young there are bigger things to worry about than them being a dinosaur.

Being a parent is never easy, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.

[quote="oncebitten"][But is he a happy dinosaur? I bet he is.

Adults can be really stupid. My daughter learned to 'curb her enthusiasm' as she got older as she matured and became more aware of doing it. But when they're that young there are bigger things to worry about than them being a dinosaur.

quote]




You've given me hope for the next generation!! !! !