New member with AS daughter

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Hello,

I first posted in the "Getting to know you section", but since I plan on spending most of my time in this section of the forums, I thought I should say "Hello" here, too!

My DH and I are the parents of 3 daughters, 2 are in college (21 and 19) and the youngest (14) is in 8th grade. The youngest has AS...officially dx'd this year. Our journey has been a long and winding road, with a PDD-NOS dx at age 4, and an ADHD dx at age 6, and finally an AS dx at age 14. Our daughter also has some learning issues when it comes to reading and language, so she has been in SpEd since age 3. I will be anxious to hear from parents of AS daughters who are in the early teen years.

Thanks!

Welcome to WrongPlanet, and welcome to my time warp.

Thanks for welcoming me, and I'm glad to be here!

Welcome! My AS child is a 7th grade boy.

It seems lots of AS kids can be misdiagnosed ADD (and they can have both); hopefully you've got everything on the right track now.

Hello! I'm new too. I've got a AS son in seventh grade, and one in fourth grade, and a PDD-NOS (maybe, depends on who you talk to) son in third grade. They all have ADHD. The little ones are in gifted programs/regular ed. The eldest is in SpEd but was in Honors and this year has moved to regular classes (so it's a dual thing, Sp Ed with regular classses). He's got a parapro and autism coordinator who keep tabs on him. He's got some major mood issues and the meds for those have been impossible to keep regulated because he's growing and changing so fast. He couldn't read till he was 9, just couldn't connect the sound and symbols. Then it clicked and he caught up fast. He was doing algebra at 4.

I feel like I've won the lottery with interesting quirky kids.

DW_a_mom, thanks for the welcome! Yes, I have noticed that the AS children do seem to get an ADD dx quite often! I hope that they finally got it right this time...both AS and ADD for her...it seems right, anyway! For her it has been a lifetime of doctors and therapies...she hates it!
Anyway, thanks again for the welcome!

Hi Kiley...you must be VERY busy!! ! Don't you just love quirky kids...they're great!
Thanks for the welcome!

I sure am busy, but never bored! I'm so glad I didn't get boring kids. I think my kids and I are good matches for each other, My husband too. He's also awsomely quirky.

Hi and welcome.

I have a 13 year old daughter too. Diagnosed as AS at 3 years old. She's been a real experience but I wouldn't trade it for the world! She's just finishing 7th grade - mainstreamed, no special ed - but she does have a 'support class' where she can just 'relax' and work on homework, study or get some additional help with anything she has trouble with. Math seems to be a total non-favorite lately.

Hi, Thanks for the welcome!

Yes, it has been a real experience here, too. But, like you said, I wouldn't trade it for the world, either. My girl is so interesting and I think she is fantastic. Early intervention and a LOT of one on one time with her when she was young helped a lot!

Was your daughter very hyper and fearless when young (2-4yrs) and then changed to a more anxious, quiet, serious person as she got older? I am always interested in the experiences of others raising a daughter with AS.

Hyper - not that I would have said - but then again she was my first and I really didn't have any kids to compare her with (I was 36 when I had her - my neices, nephews and friends' kids were all older.) - but the fearless thing.... OH YES!

Funny - when I had er I was so worried about being a good parent. I had seen this program where the psychologist was saying that we pass our own fears onto our kids by the way we react to thing. Well - I was (still am) just totally freaked out by spiders and bugs. I know (where we live) they really aren't harmful or anything to be afraid of - but I'd still freak out anyway. I made the decision right then that I was not going to pass my stupid fear to her - so when we saw spiders and bugs I would try to be really calm and tell her they aren't going to hurt her if she leaves them alone.... OMG! It totally backfired on me. The child brought me EVERY bug she found. Look Mom! It get the willies just thinking about it.

But seriously - her lack of fear scared the heck out of me. She was not afraid of strangers, animals... things that most kids would shy away from. We lived out in the country - if the mailman had to bring a package to the house (we were waaaay off the road) - she go right to him - or get into his car. She didn't know him. Luckily - our dog was extremely protective of her.

She's not like that anymore - but we really couldn't move until we were sure she would be safe. I actually had to use a little leash around her wrist when we'd go to the mall or some other place where she could wander off. And the child would NOT answer us if we called her.

That's funny about her bringing you the bugs to look at!

Our DD is our 3rd of 3 girls and I really thought I had the whole parenting thing down by the time we had her...Wrong!! ! Compared to the other two...well, there WAS no comparison, a whole new interesting world was opened up to us!

I can relate to the "no fear of strangers" thing...that was scary...also the wandering off thing! And, I had to chuckle about the "leash", cuz, we had one too. It was a wrist-to-wrist thingy. I spent a lot of time unwrapping us from sign poles and support columns in buildings because she would go the opposite way from me every time. I'm surprised either one of us have intact arm joints! LOL!

It was definitely an experience!

Yeah! The wrist to wrist thing we used had one of those spirally cords... I am a master at untangling things! I'd offer my services but no one seems to want to hire me!

And the looks I got for using it. Not everyone - but there were always a few that gave me the 'I can't believe you're treating your child like a dog...' disgusted look.

The spider she called "Melvin" was the absolute worst - it was huge and hairy and - just huge. If we didn't live in Michigan and I din't know any better I would have sworn it was a trantula! Then there was the 'funny kitty' named 'Melvin' (EVERYTHING was named Melvin) - I still have no idea where she got it - but it was a baby possum. She and her little brother brought it and wanted to keep it. ''UUUmmm no. Put the 'kitty" back outside where you found it please."

If you set aside all of the frustrations that you've encountered with a child like ours (OMG! Math was/is the absolute worst!) - there are so many really unique and totally great experiences that we have had. I think bot of my kids are great and special, but my daughter is so unique compared to other kids - I think she's actually taught me to have a different perspective about things. In that way - parents like us are truly blessed.

I do have a question for you - at one time I was really scared for my daughter - especially before she became a young teenager. I was really frightened that her lack of social abilities and trying to 'belong' would put her in serious jeopardy. It's especially scarey with a daughter - thinking that she may be taken advantage of because she doesn't quite 'get' the whole social aspect of peer interaction. To put it bluntly - I was (still am - I imagine I will once again worry when she hits high school where the pressure is even more intense) scared that kids would sense her vulnerability and her yearning to belong and put her up to - or into - situations that could be potentially damaging. She was so compliant at times - if someone said they liked her hair tie or sweater - she'd just give it to them. The thought of her being like that as a teen - and in a situation where she was unsupervised just freaked me out.

She has become very thoughtful - doesn't allow people to 'lead her' - as one teacher puts it - she is 'passively defiant' when it comes to doing something she does not want to do. But it's junior high and high school is going to be way different.

Since you have older daughters - is this something that all parents feel to some extent or is it even more worrisome with a child like ours?

Well, I would say "yes" I worry about my older daughters, too, just because sometimes even NT young adults do things that...well...could put them in jeopardy.

However, I feel much more worried about my AS girl. She doesn't go off with strangers like she used to, so that is a big relief. And, she has been going to a very small Pre-K through 12 school since she was 3, so she has a friend group (and, I think they kind of help her along...sometimes in a sisterly way...with a little teasing). So I don't worry SO much about bad things happening at school right now.

But, I am a bit concerned for when boys enter the picture ...that will be a whole new thing. She is so black/white, right/wrong oriented that I'm hoping she won't be taken advantage of if something "against the rules" is suggested. I worry, though...worrying about your daughters, NT or not, is most likely very common.

Oh, and I can relate to the looks about having our child "on a leash"! It was the only way to keep her safe in a crowd...otherwise, she would just walk off without a care in the world, even if I was frantically calling her name. Whoa, I am so glad those days are behind us...she has turned into a very polite, stick-close-to-me-in-a-crowd, young lady!