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My just 3 year old son was recently dx'd as PDD-NOS, with the likelihood of Aspergers when older. He laready attends a special preschool and has regulare IEP evals., because of some difficult medical issues, speech and OT issues. His major "symptoms " include perseverating on unusual topics; eggs/nursery rhymes, parachute/sky and scuba divers, etc. He also does not nor will not play with other children. He does however seek out and play with adults. His conversations and interests are very one sided, and focus on his interests. He has frequent/intense tantrums and meltdowns, about the most minute unimportant things (ie. not getting to flush the toilet). He has difficulties with change, we have routines and rituals for everything (today we re arranged our couches, and it caused a 1 hour meltdown). He speaks a bit differently, says thing like " it's a beautiful, sunny day mama" or "that is just perfect". He also memorizes and recites phrases from television/books, exactly. He takes things vewry literally, especailly things he sees on tv. If buzz lightyear from toy story flies with his eyes shut, so can Aidan if he is dressed like buzz light year, he can jump off the top of the stairs with his eyes shut.

So, I guess I have numerous questions:
1) How do we discipline? We've tried time outs, reward charts, and nothing really works. It seems as though he just doen's get it and is too stubborn even if he did. We end up having many evenings of scremaing tantrums trying to get the simple things like bath, bed and paly time accomplished.

2) Does this sound like Aspergers? Does it get better/easier to manage or dela with? Because right now my husband and I are at our witts end and arguing constantly becaus eof the stress.

3) What do you think our future looks like? I have been able to deal with Aidan's medical problems (he is allergic to ALL food except for just rice and a special prescription liquid supplement he drinks) knowing and accepting that this is our life. He will never have pizza, birthday cake, or eat at a restaurant, but I can deal with that now knowing that this is how it will be. I need to know how this will be, so I can grasp it in my mind.

And lastly, thank you. If you replied to this post then you are trult a helpful and caring person, who probably has gone through similar situations.

Since your child prefers rituals and routines so much, consider establishing a routine of the FOUR Bs as bedtime rolls around...1. Bath...2. Brush (teeth)...3. Book (bedtime story) and 4. Bed (sleep).

Also, a worthwhile and excellent book to read is "Managing Family Meltdown" by Linda Woodcock and Andrea Page. You can purchase it through any bookstore or have your local library obtain it for you.

Last edited by Zsazsa on 27 May 2010, 7:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Hi aidansmom,

Your son sounds like a special boy. Special in the good way, meaning one of a kind kid who leaves a smile on the face.
Living with severe food allergies and special diets is hard. My sympathy goes out to you. You are already working and worrying much more than most parents ever will.

That said, if aspergers is a correct diagnosis, your life will hopefully get easier from here. Most of my daughter's tantrums have been elliminated by learning to see things from her perspective. She is very logical. She also takes things very literally. Your annecdote about flying could have happened in my house. Once we learned to explain things in a logical, literal way, there are few meltdowns.

We have also learned to routinize any changes in routine. we came across some vocabularly that she accepts as to why things will be different and we use that vocabularly whenever deviating from a noraml routine. There is even routine to our imprompru stuff, unexpected car trips will begin with a stop at Dunkin Donut's where she can get an o.j, for example.

My daughter at first had difficulty playing with other children. Her interests just didn't match up with theirs. We made a point of encouraging things like Tinkerbell and Disney Princess so that she would be on the same page, social wise, as her peers. We also find that everything works out very well if it includes her special interests. Tag, for example she would never play, but if we rename it "Predator and Prey" she is delighted to join in.

It sounds as though your son has an excellent memory. Use that to your advantage. Read lots of books (and/or) watch lots of shows that model good peer interactions. Discuss the books/shows with him and use that as a springboard for him to practice real interactions. It is a good sign that your son seeks out and plays with other adults. He can practice his social skills on them and work his way up to interacting with the more threatening and unpredictable peers.

Best luck

Sounds like he's an aspie, all right.

Mostly you will probably have to learn to make adjustments to him rather than expecting him to make adjustments to you. For example, it may not be important to you who flushes the toilet - but it is to him, so why not let him do it? And of course, his speaking in complete sentences can be viewed as a positive, even if most 3 year olds aren't able to do it much.

I'll let others here give suggestions on getting him a bath. I will say that discipline in terms of punishment doesn't generally work well - aspies hate doing things just because someone stronger can force them to. Reasoning can work better.

If you've been able to adjust to his being allergic to all food (even meat?), I imagine you'll be able to adjust to his being an aspie, too. Don't forget to enjoy the good parts, and not just focus on the difficult parts.

Meat is not that strange. I know one man who's allergic to meat and gets increasing hearing loss from nerve damage if he eats meat. Since he's half deaf already, he just avoids the meat.
And I know several people who can't eat meat because they have a reaction to the corn it was fed.

Hi-Welcome to Wrong Planet---my heart goes out to you because I know this is all so confusing and frustrating. Your son sounds very much like my son who is almost 5, he is diagnosed as PDD-NOS possible Asperger's. Fortunately, my son doesn't have extreme meltdowns, and isn't too rigid, but he does like things done his way at times. For example, he wants to be the one to close the door or turn off the light. I do think it is very important to try and work on their flexibility while they are still young.

One thing I use a lot on my son if he really wants to do something that I don't want him to, I say, "Maybe another time." I got that tip from another parent and it works very well for my son. I know you want to avoid meltdowns, but he will need to learn that everything does not go his way every time. He needs to learn to be okay with it. I think this will improve as he gets a little older and as long as you can talk to him and explain why things are the way they are. Another thing that has helped us is using "First----------then" For example, "First clean up toys, then go outside" Use short concise sentences and use it for everything----it has really helped us. As far as the bedtime routine, I agree, if he loves routine, then try to get a good routine going, and introduce things that he likes to make it enjoyable. For instance, my son loves this one CD of lullabies that he listens to every night. If he starts giving us trouble with the routine, we warn him that he will lose his lullabies if he doesn't go up the stairs. That has really worked for us for discipline. We find things that mean a lot to him, and we use them as bargaining tools to get him to cooperate. The other thing I would do is try to find out if any sensory things are causing him to meltdown.
I would do alot of things with him that involve taking turns to show him that he is not in control of everything.

As far as the fixations and the speech, your son sounds like mine to a tee. He is obsessed with Volkswagen cars and he loves to talk about them. He will also just make up words that make no sense. He talks about things out of context. I have just tried to zero in on the special interest to build on his conversation skills. Something that the speech therapist has taught us is to say "Okay, you can talk about that one more time, and then we are all done."
Sometimes it works, sometimes not.

My son still does not play with other kids. He absolutely loves adults, so I have just decided to use that to work on social skills. We take him to a lot of places that kids will be, and gently encourage interaction but don't push it. It may come in time, but I am trying not to stress too much about this. As my son gets more verbal, I just try to talk more and more to him about friends, and what having friends means. But, overall, he is not ready.

It sounds like you have a double whammy with the food allergies issues. I don't have those issues, so I am not sure what advice to give on that. Maybe someone else will be able to help there.

Just remember too, that most little boys in this age range can be a handful to deal with whether they have AS or not. My nephew is a very typical little boy, and he had a lot of meltdowns at that age. Just try to remember that not every behavior is going to be attributed to AS. It is just the stage they are in. Plus AS kids mature at a different rate, so it may just take him a little while longer.

Hang in there. I know things right now are very difficult, but with therapy and a lot of patience, I think you will see a lot of improvements in your son. I struggle too with not knowing how the future is going to be, but as I see improvements in my son, it gives me hope to keep going.

Best of luck to you and remember we are here for you!

Oh,I forgot to mention using rewards. I have still not used reward charts, because I just don't think my son gets the concept of the chart. But, give him little rewards throughout the day for good behavior. We have used mainly food treats, but you can come up with other ideas that revolve around his special interests or doing things that he likes as a reward.

Stickers are a really common reward that many kids love to get and will do all kinds of things to get their stickers. Also give them a fun binder with plastic pages to organize their stickers.

What type of medical issue does he have that makes him allergic to everything but rice? and what is in this liquid supplement?
My husband is a biologist and he wanted me to ask he says one would have to eat some type of meat or protein to be able to sustain life?

Actually it is quite rare to have an allergy to meat....and you need some type of protein in order to sustain life. So you can not be allergic to EVERYTHING but rice. There must be some protein in this liquid supplement therefore he should be able to eat some proteins like tofu or legumes. Also many children outgrow food allergies unless it is a very severe like an anaphalaxis. Im just wondering does he have a metabolic problem? or is this an allergy?

It is rare but not unheard of. And far more common for people with severe corn allergies to not be able to eat meat (except for grass-fed) without becoming ill.

As for protein, every natural food has protein in it. Since human breastmilk is what fuels a human during their most accelerated growth period, adequate protein should be derived from foods with a similar amount of protein. Breastmilk is 6% protein by calories and almost every known natural food meets or exceeds this level. Brown rice is 8% protein by calories. Protein is not the big worry with such a limited diet; the lack of a full spectrum of vitamins and minerals is the big worry.

Only babies under a year old can live on breast milk alone....and you can not live without protein. I was a vegetarian for many years and you must be very careful....especially feeding kids....that you get enough protein.

Hi and Welcome to WP.

I know that I am going to get some flack for this, but I will recommend a book on ABA Therapy (this is not the ABA Therapy of the 1980s where they used aversion and punishment - this is ABA Therapy where appropriate behaviours are rewarded and each child's interests and strengths are encouraged).

Anyways, I have consultants who design my son's programs. I found the book "Overcoming Autism" by Lynn Koegel extremely good at explaining this type of therapy and the book offers excellent advice on specific behaviours. I have used the advice from this book and, of course, the advice of my consultants (which is similar to the type of therapy discussed in this book) and I have seen positive results with my son (who is also dx'd PDD-NOS).

Just to warn you - some people with Autism do not agree with ABA Therapy (even the newer stuff) and I will just state that I will agree to disagree with them on this point.

Then it's a good thing there's protein in everything!

Thats a broad statement....but I understand what you mean. However you need the right amount of protein to sustain life, which is why I asked about this "formula" stuff. I was just curious.
Is this something the Doctor gave or does the OP see a nutritionist ?
If the diet is not correct for growth and development than this could cause serious problems....including behavioral.

liloleme's comment:

too true.

And, as one ages the balance of diet to one's body abilities is highlighted again for careful consideration and balance. It does work to train them early.
Parenting has many demands and in todays world of food quality and politics, the load on parents as nurturers is very great. A lot of time spent now on nutritional and behavioural quality will pay off with time.

But it sure is hard at times. Keep your eyes on the goals.

All the best
Bonny