Another school year. :-(

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I've made I know 2 to 3 topics about this in the past but once again have come to ask for some advice again. I suspect my 8 year old sister of having some issue (AS or some other condition surely). The problem is this, Kindegarden Aug-May (school year) I don't want to do homework/cry/I don't want to read!! !! ! 1st grade (I don't want to do homework/cry I don't want to read) 2nd grade (*repeat*) and today the start of 3rd grade guess her response to time to do homework? BINGO! I've read advice on here on letting her choose the book (which she does she chooses a simple Dr. Seuss book but even that (while she can read) she's IMO stubborn and whines "I don't want to do homework I don't want to read" Is this going to last another 10 YEARS! 3rd-12th!! ! SHEESH! (BTW my parents have had it, dad took off his belt and spanked her) I don't agree with this method but I keep my nose out of it. Sorry to ask this again but it's the start of a new school year for her and this year is a HUGE test in FL and 3rd grade the FCAT (pass it or FAIL 3rd grade the test is in about February) We feel she might not pass it sadly) On passing grades she has passed but just barely. Thanks for any advice. I really don't want to go through ANOTHER year of this!! ! (Seeing her cry/spanking/yelling etc.)

It sounds like the child has a learning or anxiety disorder that isn't being addressed... why are your parents belting her instead of helping her? It is possible she is just being lazy, but I find it difficult that a child could be this consistently lazy. I certainly don't like when I whine.

My brother is the same way. Fortunately with any luck your sister will pass the FCAT with ease. Me and both of my brothers have always done better on tests than schoolwork.

I'm not sure

Dos she have a special interest? Perhaps you could get books revolving around her interests.

Also, perhaps you can bribe her to do her homework by offering her something she wants after she's completed it. Or break it down into small steps. Like do 5 problems then do something fun. Then 5 problems...etc.

Does she undertsand that if she fails she will have to do all of it over again next year? I would try to make her understand that unless she does the work and learns she will have to do even more work.

Good luck to you. You shouldn't have to bear this responsibility as her sister.

Perhaps you can talk to your parents about implementing rewards for behavior incentives for her.

Such as: 30 minute show of tv when she gets home from school to relax, unwind, and have a snack

Then 15 minutes of homework. She doesn't get TV again until the 15 mins of homework is completed.

Once the 15 mins is completed she can have some TV again.

Then 15 mins of homework/reading.

Try to give the TV time as reward for doing homework.

It is best to limit tv after about 1 hour before bedtime (I've learned tv stimulates the brain). During that 1 hr there can be bathing and reading to her or by her. You can find some iCarly or Spongebob books at the Library. Perhaps if you layed with her before bed and read the books she is interested in she would engage and become interested in reading.

Hi Zelda, here is what has worked with my son:

- From birth until 3rd grade I would read aloud to him all kinds of kids books, some over and over and over again (there was a time when I could recite Green Eggs and Ham by heart... ). When he started to learn to read, we would take turns reading. I would read two paragraphs, he would read one. This requires lots of patience.

- In the 4th grade we got him in the habit of doing "reading minutes" which is 30 minutes of reading right before bed, every evening, including weekends. We started with a reward system, but after some time reading minutes before bed became habitual and a normal part of the bedtime routine. This helped us establish a firm bedtime and also helped him fall asleep at a reasonable time. Reading is a great thing to do just before lights out. He's now in 9th grade and to this day does reading minutes before bed.

- When younger, he was allowed to read anything he wanted (appropriate for children of course) including comic books, graphic novels, and kids magazines. Mad magazine was a hug hit, so was Nickelodeon magazine (it has lots of sponge bob in it). There are some wonderful children's book series, check out Captain Underpants and Diary of Wimpy Kid for example.

- By 7th grade, the rules changed and he had to read 30 minutes of an actual book right before bed, but he could read anything he wanted earlier in the day. Mad magazine continues to be a favorite.

- Most importantly, I take him to the book store or library one or twice a week and let him pick the books. This is key.

Good luck with your little sister. It make me sad that she got spanked.

Two things come immediately to mind, in addition to the great advice you've received here so far:

First, your parents can count their lucky stars they don't live in Canada, because here it is illegal to assault your child with a weapon and yes, a belt counts. Of course, while your parents are lucky they don't live here, your sister is not so lucky.

Second (and this is what makes the first so deeply sad) have your parents considered the possibility that your sister has a learning disability or a neurological difference (visual processing) that impedes her ability to process written language, and that it is coming out as a resistance to reading and homework? These issues are EXTREMELY common with AS.

One thing is certain: beating a child will most certainly never achieve the goal of helping her read.

Thanks for all the replies. I agree she could have some disorder although not sure exactly what. She was tested to get further help but not sure if she was psychologically tested for any disorder. She has something physical "rag doll syndrome" She could hold her head up and such. She also developed teeth late and doesn't chew her food much. We think since her mouth and such developed differently that might be why she has speech issues (She has had speech help since Kindergarten.

Are her teachers aware of how much stress the homework is causing at home? They should be. I've found my kids teachers to be really responsive and insightful about their issues with homework. They don't WANT it to be that big a deal; it is supposed to just be "practice." Clearly, more is going on with your sister than laziness, and treating it like a behavior problem clearly isn't solving anything.

If you are willing, you might ask your parents if YOU can work with your sister on homework, instead of them. It obviously distresses you to watch this cycle over and over every year, and by that alone makes it your problem. Ask them for complete control over the situation for maybe 6 months without any interference from them. You'll decide how and when she should do the homework, and you'll talk to her teachers about it. Why? Because when a situation isn't working, sometimes the best thing that can be done is to turn it completely on its head and create a fresh start. By working with you instead of your parents, you may be able to change some of the negative associations she has with homework.

I had to do all sorts of things with my son at those ages, just to get him through until he was able to develop a process on his own. I would reward him for completing problems by doing silly dances; we would take walks to work through tough brain blocks, and so forth. Your parents, it seems, haven't been willing to try anything creative; so maybe you can. They OWE her the opportunity to show that she can succeed if someone is willing to try something different, but since you can't talk them into using any of the ideas you've gotten from us, maybe they should let you try.

If you are willing. It would be a substantial time investment, since overseeing breaks and helping a child learn to work through roadblocks is no easy matter. But I don't know what else to suggest that your parents might even begin to consider.

Meanwhile, if your parents haven't told the teachers what it is like at home, I hope that you will. If you ever pick your sister up from school, it can be slipped into conversation like this: "Can you show me A's homework for tonight before we go? I'm just really concerned about her homework, she ends up sitting for hours crying, everyone gets mad and upset, and my parents won't listen to any of my suggestions on how to make it go better." Do NOT go into any details beyond that; that isn't your place at this point, and what you will give in those sentences will be more than enough to get the teacher to start asking questions.

Thanks DW mom. Taking control of her homework lessons seems like an interesting idea. I've broken down and considered in my mind "Hey maybe I should talk to the teacher and tell her that the 8 year old has had homework trouble and how well she does in class etc. (From reading reports sent home she's a very good student that does her work but I've also read stuff such as it isn't finished in time so perhaps behavior issues there." This year I'm returning to college but I'm only going M/W so perhaps help out the other days of the week (Mon. I will not get home till maybe 2 and Wed. will be 7!) I like your idea though I'll consider it. (Yesterday Tuesday 2nd day of classes) she told dad she did homework at school he said ok go have fun/get in the pool then we later found out she had just read a pamphlet not a book she whined a little but mom told her to find a book so she did.) I see both her/and the 10 year old overall have more respect and listen more to mom rather than dad. Thanks!! (We'll see how Wed. today and the rest of the week goes.)

I think she needs an evaluation and special educational help to fix this problem.