obsessions

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My DD whom has just turned 18 and has always been religious has now gone over the deep edge. She was brought up Lutheran , baptized and confirmed in that religion. She now wants to become Mennonite. She reads the Bible all the time now in the Kings James Version , not the modern texts that she always had before. She never had any real obsessions before. She also is "dating " online a man who is 25 from Canada. We live in NC. They have talked about marriage even though they have only know one another since July. He is still married and has a 2 year old with his wife. She is due in January with their second child. I believe that he is fueling her obsession with this new religion. She says that the Lutheran CHurch is horrible . I do not know what to do. I am really afraid that she will run off to Canada to be with him. He does not make anough money to support this family, let alone another

Melissa

It sounds like she's being manipulated. The only advice I can offer is to be as respectful of her desire to be a Mennonite as you possibly can and do not alienate her. If you can tolerate it, encourage her to share what she's learning about it with you and read up on it yourself. Stay involved with her in a loving and non-judgmental way.

I'm so sorry... What a difficult position to be in.

I do agree that she is being manipulated by this man. I really do not know what to do .

Melissa

Have you contacted him? If not, get on the phone or send him an email and be a bee up his a** until he gets the idea that it's not worth the amount of torture and aggrivation he will suffer with you as a Mother in Law. Seriously.

I'll tell you what my instinct says, and it could be wwwaaayyyy off, but I think there is a lot more danger in this on-line man than in the Mennonite religion, so I would offer to help her find a nearby Mennonite community to connect to. I have a feeling they'll be as suspicious of this on-line relationship as you are, and could actually prove to be your best ally.

She's an obsessive Christian and having a romance with a married man? What's wrong with this picture?

I'm sorry to say, but this person is not stable. Whether the online guy is dangerous or manipulating her or not (and he obviously is), she's going to get into trouble anywhere she goes, because she's not firing on all cylinders to begin with.

Younger people are rarely very stable. They're just getting used to themselves.

Her mother is looking for help. What you posted is not helpful and very likely inaccurate. Reading a few sentences about a situation doesn't give you nearly enough information to make such a sweeping statement.

He has convinced her that when they get married , she is moving to Canada . They will have very little to do with myself and my husband. Since they will have a Christian marriage , with the man as the head of the family, he will decide if and when she can come here to visit. She is ready to throw away her family for him. This is what I do not understand.

She has been attending the local Mennonite church off and on for the past 6-9 months. She started covering her head last spring. I do not know if she has told them about him.

I am sorry but I do not know where you got this information. She has just turned 18 and has AS. She is going to college to be a nurse. I know that she is very naive but I do not know if I would say that she is not firing on all cylinders.

Thanks.

Of course. I was an unstable teenage girl once myself

I assume he is claiming to be Mennonite? I think you should suggest she talk to her local pastor about this man, and the relationship. You can cover it with something like, "if you are thinking of having a marriage in this church, they will want to help you prepare." ANYTHING that brings more adults and perspectives into the situation is likely to help her see how odd this all is. Sometimes when our kids won't listen to us, they will listen to someone else.

That is a good idea
Thanks

She has been attending the local Mennonite church off and on for the past 6-9 months. She started covering her head last spring. I do not know if she has told them about him.[/quote]

I assume he is claiming to be Mennonite? I think you should suggest she talk to her local pastor about this man, and the relationship. You can cover it with something like, "if you are thinking of having a marriage in this church, they will want to help you prepare." ANYTHING that brings more adults and perspectives into the situation is likely to help her see how odd this all is. Sometimes when our kids won't listen to us, they will listen to someone else.[/quote]

That is a good idea
Thanks[/quote]

I just asked her if she has told the people at the Mennonite church about her Boyfriend. Her answer was she has not and is not going to

I guess the obvious question is "why not?" It sounds like she knows something is not adding up, and doesn't want anyone to expose that to her. And if he has told her not to talk to anyone, it leads to the same question, "why not?"

I think I would keep asking gentle questions. She is going to have to confront the things that aren't adding up sooner or later, but she is going to have to come to that realization on her own.