Help ! ! Parent new to Aspergers

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Hi all

I have loads of questions but not sure where to start my son age 12yrs has been diagnosed with AS today he also has ADHD which we know for a number of years. I always felt there was something else but because his teachers didnt even thing he had ADHD it has always been a battle. Today was a relief I know it has not sunk in yet I am just happy to know that my worries fustration upset arguments were justified.

I am just looking for help tips to make things easier for him he is upset that he has ADHD I have yet to tell him about AS he hates to think that he is different but he does know but I dont think he wants to hear it.


Thanks


Annmaria

Can you be more specific in the issues you are having?

the best thing to do is be honest and don't put it off too long. i have 2 kids on the spectrum and they were kept informed through the whole testing process and the diagnosis of exactly what was going on. make sure you have information available for him and a list of symptoms so he knows exactly what you are refering to. also, be sure he knows that AS is fairly common and is becoming more common and that he can still be successful in life and a diagnosis is just a name for something he's had all along so it won't change anything about him. he may be upset but he may be releived, especially when he reads a list or book of possible symptoms. a good book is 'all cats have aspergers' we have that book and the kids think it's funny. good luck

FYI: it is not uncommon for a child with Aspergers to expend all his energy hiding his difference while at school. My son does this - so successfully that until this year we had only about 1 - 2 incidents at school in any given school year; enough to put him on the social worker's radar, not enough to get him much in the way of services. We went to the school asking for help with his behavior at home, where he was much the same as your son, and they didn't see the relationship.

Does the person who diagnosed your son do school advocacy? Ask for a meeting with your son's teacher, the school social worker, the principal and the person who diagnosed him (sometimes they can even do this by phone.) They will help explain that your son's distress is due in part to his difficulty in handling the environment at school, and may have specific suggestions about how the school can help make things easier for him (there is a thread at the top of this board with a lot of suggestions.)

Hello there

For starters, welcome to Wrong Planet.

The good news is that you now have a diagnosis. Arguably, the diagnosis is nothing more then some words on a piece of paper, and thus is of little practical value. But the important thing you have is a direction, and guide in where to look for helpful information. To that end, since you are new to the diagnosis, I would suggest your first course of action be to read some books, browse this forum, and get to learn as much as you can. Because understanding the difficulties that your child is facing will greatly help to figure out what is causing the problems, and how you can go about handling them.

So, to that end, You might want to check out the suggested books thread on the top of this forum. And, of course, being a shameless self promoter, I must recommend my ebook (available for free download from the link in my signature). It is designed for parents who are new to the diagnosis, and confused about all the terms, and new information. It talks about things like handling 'behavioral problems' and other common questions that most new parents have. It should only take a few hours to read (assuming you read decently quickly), and it provides a good bit of information that will probably help you out.

Beyond that book, there are other suggestions such as 'The Complete Guide to Aspergers Syndrome' (by Tony Attwood). It deals more with the psychology of the syndrome, and less about the practical advice, but it might be a good read for a normal person who is trying to learn more. Although fair warning: Tony Attwood is neurotypical, and as such some of his insights may be off slightly. However, most of it is decently close enough to be useful.

Also, while you haven't provided much personal information, I can help you with some misunderstanding. You said:

Thanks Jojobean I have been thinking the same my husband not so keen sending him to school today upset all round he send me a text to say that all the family hates him and he has to go he has been saying he will run away and has been singing songs like the script I am better of dead or any song that mentions death and he has say we wants to die and will kill himself I have taken him to the specialist they say he is fine. He ask me if I was going to be taking him to anymore physco's to be assessed.

Xmas holidays coming soon will have to think about what to do he has just started a new school dont know if he will settle. He had the same problems in primary but noticed it more in 5th class hated his teacher he had a very good teacher for his last year 6th and things improved so much for him. Secondary school different so many teachers!

Thanks again

Annmaria