how do I explain approprate sexual behaviour?

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impressionable ds has recently started saying things that are not appropriate and on one occasion has played inapprpriate game with his sister. While only minor, I don't want this to go further obviously. He knows it's wrong, but I don't think he truly understands the difference between these behaviours and normal hitting & punching.

How do I handlethis?

To really answer this appropriately, it would really help to know the age of ds. Some ages and stages require different handling of the issue.

I think the age I saw these issues the most with my son was around 7 or 8, when the world expected him to understand, but he did not have the development to understand. I had to tell him point blank that as much as I knew he was doing these things in complete innocence, that the world would not see it that way, and therefore he needed to follow rules A, B and C. As he kept adding things I had never dreamed of, we added rules D, E, F and so on. I was really firm about it, while also making it really clear that he wasn't "bad," given that bad assumes a child actually knows that what he is doing is wrong, and my son really did not. But, basically, he learned these things as rules. Strict strict strict ones that he could see mom took incredibly seriously, even if I wasn't exactly punishing him over them. You know, the lecture thing

We also talked about where he was getting these ideas from, and using those conversations as lessons on learning to filter and apply the influences he will see and hear.

As for terms and expressions, at all ages I like to start with a simple question: "what do you think that means?" Or, "why are you saying that?" They usually have no idea what they just said, and are shocked when you tell them.

Of cause it's pretty obvious that an Aspie boy will never have a girlfriend, so sex drive is not something he has a lot of use for. I would reccomend chemical castration.

Dude - this is the Parent's Forum, give it a break OK?

It isn't obvious at all, given that many of us are married to AS men. I would assume you are being sarcastic because something about life is really eating at you lately, and you've decided to unleash your frustration on the parent posters for some unknown reason. Want to talk?

Like most men with Asperger's he'll have a job mowing lawns and be regarded as a weirdo, in other words not what women want. And btw, men with Asperger's never ever marry.

Ah, unless it has basically destroyed someone's life you don't believe it is "real" Aspergers? OK, well, then, we'll assume for this conversation and for most of the threads on this board that the kids we are discussing have Aspergers Lite, or some other version that isn't guaranteed to ruin their lives. You see, I believe we can help our kids make decent lives despite their difficulties. I don't think today's kids have to grow up with the same challenges that previous generations did. It may be wishful thinking, but that wishful thinking makes sure I do my job. Which is to love my child unconditionally as he is, while helping him realize his maximum potential and get as close to achieving his own dreams as possible. If we allow ourselves to believe what you've posted, we'll give up on our kids. We'll stop investing in them. We'll stop helping them set and reach goals. That is not OK in my book. If you've read my posts you'll know that I'm not out there doing a zillion therapies to help my child; I'm just out there trying to understand him, and help him through his challenges, and help him realize his dreams. I haven't guaranteed or promised him anything other than, "we'll do our best." Maybe he is "real" AS in your book; maybe he's not, but given that I know mowing lawns for a living would NOT make him happy, I'm not ready to settle for it. If that day comes, we'll deal with it. But that day is not today.

I do know what the statistics say, and I do know how many of our members have very frustrating lives as adults. I will never discount how real all that is, and how someone in that situation has every right to be negative and frustrated. But I have to believe that with what we know today and the resources we have, we can create different results. Not for every child, but we'll certainly try.

Nobody wants to marry someone with as much self-pity as you have. It is much more difficult for someone with AS to navigate dating and marriage life, but it isn't an impossibility. I don't think your comments are wanted in the Parenting Forum.

This is wonderful advise.

I'm a little concerned about the "normal hitting and punching" part you mentioned. I don't think there's anything normal about hitting and punching. Maybe you just meant misbehavior without sexual context?

i have had to deal with the same problem with my son, and my solutions are not very mainstream, i just told him everything people might think about what he says and does, and how it makes people see him in a bad light.
it was not nice, but it worked better than going into weird concepts like " it is not appropriate" which he just can't grasp. I just laid it very crudely. I also painted an idyllic world were everybody could walk in the streets naked and do all kinds of strange things like that, and made a joke out of it, so he remembers what behaviours are seen as weird.
we did have a good laugh at the time though.
oh and mister nuisance? if you do not stop annoying parents on the parenting forum, i will post on the general discussion a copy of the very embarassing posts you posted somewhere else. You know what i mean.

It's not wishful thinking at all. Giving up on children is a sure way to make certain that they amount to nothing - and that's true whether they are aspies or neurotypical. Meanwhile, plenty of aspies who are brought up reasonably well do fine with their lives.


Keep in mind that there's a lot of self selection in those results.


Yes, I was kind of wondering about that too. It strikes me that kids, or at least prepubescent kids, should be taught that hitting and punching is wrong just like sexual play is wrong.

Probably depends on the age of the child.
I usually do a lot of "that's your body" and "That' her body" talk. People can touch their own (IN PRIVATE) but not others. My kids are really young though... that's the only way I've been able to communicate it so far.

As a young man with asperger's/HFA (whatever it is being called these days), you seriously are full of it. I have my Bachelor's Degree and only reason I can't find a good job right now is the economy is in the toilet.

Want me to start spouting of wisecracks and insults about you being from Norway.

This is not true. There are many men with AS who have girlfriends.

And this is also not true, I have come across a number of people in the spectrum in academia and professional occupations.