too stressed to make a decision

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Im just too stressed. My teenage girl 14 is kicking up an ongoing defiance, out of school, wron crowd, smashing things, being violent. I have had to come home from work again today and Im really struggling. I am a single parent and whilst Im out she is completly abusing the house. When her sister who is 25 is home, she makes her life a misery, Goading her and we are all losing it. We have tried to be patient and the only person who has any rational take on it today is my eldest daughter 26 who lives down the street. I suppose she is getting relaxation and myslef and other daughter, never know whats going to happen next. She is going through dx for Aspergers and really struggling with the confusing things that are happening with boyfriends and friends. Car got smashed and she was hit by a girl two weeks ago. Its all highly stressful and I can feel my brain coming to a standstill.

My job is quite stressfull and thinking on your feet stuff with lots of planning and supporting others. By the time I get to work, I feel that I have either been in a car crash or left a possible carcrash waiting to happen. The stress level is making me feel like I am almost disasociated and detached. Im scared and I am seeing the doctor tomorrow. Can I really hold this job down. Can i stay at home if I dont, waiting like a sitting duck to see what kind of frame of mind she is in?

She is refusing support and acceptence of the the Aspergers at the moment, I am playing a very balanced game of poker to try and get her back into some kind of education.


Should I just give up work or go off sick? Should I demand support from my work and ask for a few weeks special leave without pay or something. I just dont know what to do. All I know is that this level of ongoing trauma is too much for anyone and the cracks are appearing inmy patience. I can no longer stand back and let her hit and kick, swear and verbally tell me that I am nothing, that I am not her mother, that she doesnt want to be with us.

I am holdong the boundaries firm and I am not allowing her to do as she pleases but it is exhausting and I feel that she is almost terrified of life itself, she is traumatised by how the anxiety makes her feel but can not see that we are trying to help. She is fleeting in all communciation and can be devastated to aggressive to just plain silly babyish at times. She has disgusting things that she says and does. Im just exhausted!

I wish I had any advice about how to help your daughter but I do know that you may be eligible to take leave from your job under the Family Medical Leave Act - check out the Dept of Labor website:
Dept of Labor
I became familiar with the provisions of this act when the doc put me on bedrest when I was 22 weeks pregnant with my second child. My employer was actually pretty understanding about the whole thing - it was great that I didn't loose my job. I hope your employer would be too, it sounds like you need some time to focus on your family.

Thanks Bomb, have to take sick leave today due to the fact that I am simply not functioning and I cant leave her as she is so unpredictable at the moment. Its all too much and the only way I can see us moving forward is if I can have ther energy and strength to keep up the good work. Work is a stressful job anyway which takes a lot of planning asupporting others. The job is related around children, development special ed and additional needs, its all a bit close to home to be telling people how best to encourage good behaviour when I am returning home to all this every day.

Seeing doctor later to have my blood pressure checked. I suffer with Fibromyalgia in times of stress and its all taking its toll. I want all my concentration to go on her so I can help her build confidence and independence.

I love her so much, just want to do whats best and get her back on a positive step.

I can feel how stressed you are through your words. I don't have any advice really. However, it sounds like you need some outside help. A really good professional might be able to calm this situation down and help her work through her feelings. It sounds like more than either of you can handle right now.

The only thing that comes to mind is dragging her to the doctors and having her and you explain to sides of your story and making her go see a councilor. Miracles won't happen fast but with (easier said than done) patience and a high tolerance rate, you will have to get her to a councilor her choice or not, she maybe stressed over things from school or somewhere away from home, and using the house you and her sister, as a place to vent out her frustration.

Maybe finding her a place were she can go beserk and then once calmed down ask (with patience) what is upsetting her.

Sorry thats all I can think of.

Thank you all, Life is so crazy at the moment, keeping up with her and trying to keep her safe. On the councilling issue, she has agreed now to see a counciller everythree weeks, she was seeing someone every week and this, with all the assessment and appointments related to education has caused her too much stress.

Fingers crossed that tonight, she will come home safe sound and at a reasonable time.

I have taken sick leave from work and hope that I can get back asap. Im a worker and I love my job. Its so depressing. Doctor said I am stressed not depressed and that I am on the verge of burn out. I just can not take trying to be normal and acarry on, something has to give for the time being